A Christmas Family Secret (Pluto - 2023) ft. Alonso Duralde

[00:00:03] Hi, I'm Bram and I love Pluto Christmas movies. I'm Dan and I despise Pluto Christmas movies. I'm Alonso and I have COVID and this is the Deck The Hallmark Podcast. Deck the hallmark, it's his podcast. And friends host his podcast. We hope you like this jolly podcast. Wow.

[00:00:38] Hello everybody. Boy, oh boy. We've arrived. Alonso breaking news. This movie gave him COVID. Wow. It's unbelievable that it's being passed through movies now. That's tough. You know, to be fair to the film, it did not. But I'll also say it didn't help my recovery to watch it.

[00:00:59] But we'll get into that. The Pluto variants. We're talking about A Christmas Family Secret. Christmas Family Secret. What is the secret? How serious is it? We'll find out. Pretty serious. But Alonso, I'm honored that you're still joining us in the midst of sickness. That is true friendship.

[00:01:22] I am committed to the bit. What can I tell you? And it's not like you guys were going to make me watch, you know, some masterpiece of Russian silent cinema or something that I was going to really focus on.

[00:01:33] I figured even with my quasi brain fog that's happening, I could pretty much handle A Christmas Family. There are some scenes in Christmas Family Secret that A24 is jealous of. Like it might secretly be French New Wave. We don't know. We don't know that.

[00:01:53] You thought you'd seen all the camera angles. No, no, they find some new ones. Creating new ones. Let me ask you this, Alonso. If you could like see in the future, do you think you'll have COVID next week for next Monday's episode?

[00:02:08] I mean, usually it doesn't last that long. But we're watching a Tubi movie. Does that change your answer? That's not necessarily helping. I don't know. But I mean, by March 18th, you'll still have it. Is what you're saying. It's certainly a possibility.

[00:02:21] The amazing thing is that Dan will have come in from England twice to do the show. Yeah, I'm flying in from England on the 18th to do it early in the morning. That's right. I got to be honest with you guys. I am.

[00:02:35] And the fact that we've gone this long without you guys congratulating me for winning the Oscar bracket challenge is I'm a little offended. I'll accept any and all awards, trophies that you want. Did you participate with us, Alonso? Did you film? Oh yeah. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

[00:02:52] No, in fact, I did two. I did one that was sort of my picks. And one was the if I could vote. And I'm sure they were both a catastrophe. But that's the thing. That's what the question I was going to ask you.

[00:03:02] Did you vote heart or head? Did you go with the movies you wanted to win, your big poor thing Stan? Or did you go with the movie that you think is going to win, Oppenheimer? Yeah, no. I did one of each just to sort of cover my tracks.

[00:03:14] But yeah, I'm sure as we now know looking back that it clearly was a big night for Oppenheimer. And so I just had to sort of grip my teeth and figure that out. What a night though. What a night.

[00:03:27] I didn't win the bracket challenge, which is crazy because I picked a lot of Oppenheimer. All I can say is what a night. I got to teach Oppenheimer today in class. Wow. True story in US history. And it was a fun time.

[00:03:38] It was more than the kids ever needed in their life on it for sure. That explains why there's so many people streaming it on Peacock. That's right. It's a dance class. That's right. Yes, that's true. And that's why I'm fired for telling 10th graders to go watch Oppenheimer.

[00:03:52] That's right. That's right. And here's the thing. We are on Philo, of course, philo.tv slash DTH. And while I don't believe you can watch Oppenheimer here on Philo, there is so much that you can watch. Yeah.

[00:04:03] And you can join us on the Philo deep dive each and every week. Dan, you and I do a deep dive on the stuff that you can find on Philo that maybe you've never heard of. But there's also so much on Philo that you have heard of.

[00:04:14] I would implore everybody to just scroll through the home page and see all the different hubs that they have. There's a lot of great movies. It's unbelievable. It's a pretty impressive grouping of movies.

[00:04:25] And if you're on the West Coast like me, you get East Coast feeds of everything, which is great. So like if I don't want to stay up late on Sunday night to watch the time traveling pond show,

[00:04:33] I get to watch it three hours earlier than if I were just trying to watch it. I heard you're giving up. Good. That's what I'd be doing. Are you? I haven't given up yet, but it's testing my patience. Yeah.

[00:04:45] I don't know if you listen to the pod Alonzo, but I am gone from really like being a champion of this show to being like, I don't want another episode. So I feel your pain on that one.

[00:04:55] So yeah, I live in hope, but so far it's been a toughy. Been a toughy. Tough sled. While I breathe, I hope. While I breathe, I hope. Amen. Spiros, Spiros. That's right. The motto of South Carolina. I know this. And my family motto. Yeah.

[00:05:10] I don't know if you know this. He got the South Carolina motto tattooed on him. And I said, that's a commitment. It's not for South Carolina. That's a commitment to the South. And I didn't know that you had. And then I did know that he had that.

[00:05:26] How long were these stars and bars on your state flag? Right. But then he proceeds to tell me that it's his family motto. So he's taking credit for all of South Carolina, I believe is what he said.

[00:05:40] That is not the case, but that is how you're reading it. And that is fine. Yes. Thank you. My high school Latin teacher was from South Carolina, and he had that on his wall because it was a Latin phrase. Yeah. Of course. Yeah.

[00:05:52] I mean, it's better than six impertinence. The Virginia Latin phrase. I mean. Really? Wow. Okay. So while they really stand John Wilkes Booth over there, then I guess. Yeah, they did. Yeah, they're big. They're big. Actually, he's he stand Virginia because that was their motto. Booth did it.

[00:06:12] He yelled that to be like, yeah, that's right, Virginia. And then they kept it. Okay. That's right. And then they kept it. Yeah, they still flew the swastika basically. Is this basically what happened in Virginia?

[00:06:25] But while I breathe, I hope everyone should have that kind of hope in their life. I didn't think you were getting this type of. You didn't think you were getting history today and Latin. I mean. History or his story. That's right.

[00:06:38] It's time to talk about a Christmas family. I'll give you my Christmas family secret. Not yet, but I want to get there. It's not a family Christmas secret. It's a Christmas family secret. Oh, my family has got a Christmas secret. Going the Madonna route.

[00:06:57] Yeah, no, I mean, a Christmas. A Christmas should have been a family Christmas secret. But no, the secret is a family secret. It just they don't need Christmas in this in the title. Yeah, well, the door in the movie. Originally was on Pluto.

[00:07:16] Now it's in all sorts of different nooks and crannies. All right, but it originally went a little something like this. Joan just made partner. She looks worse than when Nina beat her in the contest. She does. She's not happy. She's not happy. Something is missing.

[00:07:37] So she decides she's going to take a sick day. She's going to go home. She's going to roll around on the couch. Her friend Nina comes over. Pops some bubbly pornographically and they talk. They talk about what is going on. How's your heart?

[00:07:54] We get to the bottom of it. She hasn't talked to her dad in three years after an argument. So her best friend encourages her. Nina encourages her to go home for the holidays and to fix this.

[00:08:12] Because then your dad is going to be so proud of you for making partner. We've heard this story a thousand times, Brian. Yes. What's going to set this movie apart, do you think? Well, great question. She does decide that she's going to go home and she walks inside

[00:08:26] and finds out that her dad's dead. Is that the secret? No. That is not the Christmas family secret. Our dad's dead. They buried him a couple weeks ago. A couple days ago. A couple days ago. They tried to call her. They tried to call whatever.

[00:08:44] Her ex-boyfriend, Sam, is the estate lawyer. He's in charge of making sure everything goes. I don't he doesn't do any of that during this movie, but we are told that he does. Toss a binder at her.

[00:08:59] At one point, he wears a suit and the first time he's on screen and then never, never the rest. Yeah, he finds her, though, and is like, dang girl. And she's like, don't talk to me right now. I'm grieving. Then they spend the evening baking cookies.

[00:09:17] She's sitting on the counter, you know, little straddle sash and they talk. They kiss. You know how it goes. Later that night, she's reading her mom's diary. Uh, literally, they're making out with a Christmas cookie and then they play some music and it's

[00:09:37] then her reading her mom's diary. Literally, that's what happens. It's wild. It's a wild ride. Um, no, Alonzo, that wasn't the COVID. That's the movie. That's the movie. Yeah, okay. I know you might have been thinking that I missed something. I've got to back up here.

[00:09:54] No, you got it all. Uh, she's sitting down reading the diary and there's some interesting stuff in there about her dad. She starts to wonder and then she puts it away. Yeah, she's like, I'm saying some interesting things about dad here.

[00:10:09] I don't want to really look at this anymore. As you learn from the Noel diaries, if your mom's diary that you finally find it, it's not really a page turner. Yeah, read it one day at a time. Yeah.

[00:10:20] So Sam looks over at her and you can tell that he knows something. He might know the Christmas family secret. He might know something. And the something that he knows is that her dad that died is not her biological father,

[00:10:39] or as they handle it in this movie with such tack, not her real dad. And off with that Christmas family secret. They do reference Maury Povich several times. So I get where they were going with that. Okay. Still, it's a little. Yikes. Yeah.

[00:10:57] Did he raise you your entire life? Yes. Not your real dad. I have some choice words for the screen. There is an insane scene again. One. This is. Well, you might have been watching this Alonzo and you saw the scene where they go Christmas

[00:11:14] tree shopping and you go clearly something. I know I'm sick. This isn't right. I honestly, I don't know how to. They shot it on an iPhone. Truly explain this portrait style on an iPhone. That's what happened. And Brian De Palma did.

[00:11:27] So there's the person who's talking is on screen vertical as if you're holding your phone like this, and it is in front of a full screen of Christmas trees. But it is constantly moving. It is a trip. It is a hard watch.

[00:11:46] And they end that scene with a kiss that you can barely see. And then they go home and put up their artificial Christmas tree. She said, I couldn't handle it. Yeah, couldn't do it. People in the chat right now. I'm thinking we're just doing Mad Lib.

[00:11:57] I promise you, this is the movie. An actual film. Yeah. So she finds out about her dad and gets mad with Sam for not telling her, and she gets over almost immediately. We also find out that her mom. You can do it. Sorry.

[00:12:21] We also find out that her mom died when she was three in her sleep. Sorry, not funny. Death's not funny. It's very serious. She found out that her mom died when she was three in her sleep, and she doesn't know what happened. And so they start to investigate.

[00:12:41] Obviously, first you go to talk to talk to Shady Santa. They go to talk to a Shady Santa. She hears her mom died in her sleep when she was three. We got to find a tall, lanky white gentleman in the woods with a Santa Bear stat.

[00:13:08] He's looking around. He's like constantly. He's going to get caught for telling this Christmas family secret. He sees you when you're sleeping. He knows when you die. That's right. And he can sell you drugs, apparently.

[00:13:23] And he gives them information, I guess, that maybe her mom slept with a guy. But also, yes, yes, yes. And like, yes, a different guy. And so they then go to that guy. They have a conversation outside of his restroom post poop. And our hands washed?

[00:13:50] No, no, but it is literally at the threshold. She opens the door. She's just taking a crap. That is real talk. Real talk. The Santa scene was more believable. Yeah. So he's like, yes, I did sleep with your mom, but it was a long time ago.

[00:14:11] And then when your mom and your dad were together, rumors spread that we had a thing. But we didn't. Our thing was way, way before. Then he drops the bomb on her that she, this is when her mom died during childbirth. Yes. Right? Yeah. I think so.

[00:14:37] I think that's when that comes out. Is that true? It wasn't when she was three in her sleep. She died giving birth to her. Yeah. But that doesn't matter. It doesn't at all. They figure out that it was a sperm donor. Dad was a sperm donor. That's it.

[00:14:59] That was the Christmas family secret. There's nothing else that that was it. No. So she realized, you know, this is tough to take in all this information. So she decides that she's going to just leave. What's the point in any of this?

[00:15:13] Sam's real upset about this when he finds out that she's leaving. He says, I want to go with you to Atlanta. And she says no. She gets back home and Nina is there making out with a mannequin head. With bunny ears on it. I'm not.

[00:15:30] That's not a thing that I'm making up. Nothing was exaggerated. I'm not hyperbole. It's not a saying. We're not here to kink shame. No. Absolutely not. That's not a euphemism. She was making out with a mannequin with a banana. I mean, with the bunny ears on it.

[00:15:45] It's not that. This is reportage. Yes. Nina encourages her to go back to Wilmington, North Carolina, despite the fact that she just got back to Atlanta. She does that and to go get her man. They talk about what they want out of their relationship.

[00:16:02] They both say that they want a better sex life. And they kiss. They both basically say the other one's sex life is bad and needs to get better. Needs to get better. The next day. There's a quick fix for that, as it turns out.

[00:16:19] The next day he shows up and proposes to her and she says no. No again. She says no. Absolutely not. He's real mad. Gets over it real fast. It's Christmas. Hey, I have a gift for you. And begins to play a video on a laptop.

[00:16:37] It is the people that he has tracked down that have all come from the same sperm donor. So like she's got biological sisters and a cousin. They send these nice videos. And then he proposes with that information a third time. Yes.

[00:16:57] Does well first goes to take her to oh man that's synopsis music. What? It was a long synopsis. It's a long one. The she he then takes her to the dad's grave sites and she can say goodbye. She then goes to the beach. He shows up.

[00:17:15] He proposes this time. He could barely say will you marry me? And she says yes. But first we got to talk about wedding day. How many kids? And he's like no no gender reveal party which I don't think you need to talk about that.

[00:17:30] Even though you don't not not now. But whatever. And they kiss and now my friends was a Christmas family secret. I'm not sure we did it as much as we experienced it. Yeah you know it's an experience. This is someone guys. It's an all timer.

[00:17:52] We're gonna take a quick break. We're gonna come back. We're gonna break this movie down. Give you more more information about this movie here on Deck the Hallmark. I do want to point out before we start. Hey what's up welcome back. It's good to see you.

[00:18:15] Hi you hi you you left out 25 minutes of this movie in your synopsis and it is an ongoing hair bit that you just didn't. It's lit. It's literally I'm gonna lowball it. It's literally a fourth of the movie and you didn't mention it. I sorry.

[00:18:34] You did not mention the four different scenes that each last in between three minutes and an eternity of of of of them making Sam's sister Sam's sister tries to cut hair. She cut the hair of a guy named Clarence. Clarence is very upset about how this looks.

[00:18:53] She won't give him a refund. He comes back three other times asking for a refund. She she doesn't give it to him. Instead she gives him a meal. That meal kills him. Murder.

[00:19:05] Say you this was your longest synopsis ever and you left out all of the lengthy scenes involving Sam's sister either not being good at cutting hair or not being good at cooking. Yeah she kills him.

[00:19:17] She literally this dude guy got the worst haircut you've ever seen gets made fun of and then gets a meal that they try to give to an unhoused human that turns it down and then it kills him for a laugh.

[00:19:35] We don't know for sure that he's dead but he might just be incapacitated for the rest of the film. He did. Lucky him. Yes yes lucky him. It's time for the hot take.

[00:19:49] I tried to keep the synopsis to the actual secret and I apologize for leaving that out. That movie is 30 minutes long. Yeah I know I know I know. I'm sorry. It's time for the hot takes where we share exactly how we felt about this movie.

[00:20:03] We don't hold back and I'll start with my good friend Alonzo Alonzo. What do you think about a Christmas family secret. Just wow. You know I mean I I think we need to sort of pause and understand what Hallmark has done to the Christmas movie industrial complex.

[00:20:23] That's right because streamers are now packed with titles like this that were made for 75 cents and that have Christmas in the title and a kind of a cute poster maybe and are just like you film school 101 not passing.

[00:20:41] I mean the the the amount of padding there is of scenes that are just like oh my gosh I'm going to let the actors improv and I'm going to chop them together abruptly without moving the cameras.

[00:20:53] Yes we're going to get these you know these French new wave as you say cuts within a scene that just go on and on and are never funny and it's like but they just the it's they got to get to that 87 minute you know finish line.

[00:21:08] Yeah just camera angles that make no sense of you know people's knees and you know all everything looks just sort of either stark and not really lived in or like hastily decorated for Christmas.

[00:21:22] I sent you guys a screenshot of like this wad of Christmas lighting that was like on top of a sliding glass door. I mean yeah we've seen some real dillies on this show but yeah this one goes into the

[00:21:36] pantheon of like what this is this is all time. I don't know where it fits but it's all time in there you're 100 percent right. You know I we get first we had Christmas in Carolina. Yeah and then we had Christmas at Holly Lodge.

[00:21:52] Yeah right and now we have a Christmas family secret. One a year one year one special film every year. Oh my gosh and it's just you know I love it. I just it's just perfect. No notes this movie is a cinematic disaster but in that sense it's perfect.

[00:22:22] I just needed something. You know it is it's a it's a mess an absolute mess. It is so long it's just so I felt like I had watched a killer to the flower moon twice. The movie is just so long it and it's only an hour 20.

[00:22:44] I think Dan asked me is it at least short and I said not so as you'd notice. Dan asked me is it at least short and I said not so as you'd notice.

[00:22:51] It's it's yeah it's tough it's a tough watch but I'm so happy I had this experience today. It is beautiful it's wonderful it's awful and I loved every second of it. What I just did to brand there when I just put my head in front of the camera.

[00:23:11] Filo.tv slash GTH. If you're watching on Filo. What I just did to him there is something that actually actually happens in this movie. It actually occurs someone is delivering some sort of a soliloquy and somebody else is like

[00:23:31] my B and you just see their head in front of the camera and then it's going. Um yeah the thing about Christmas in Carolina that was so special was it was unbelievably bad but without credits it's like 78 minutes long. Hey can you pull Alonzo up real quick?

[00:23:50] Pull Alonzo up. That's my mentor. That's my mentor. There he is. This movie is not 72 or eight minutes long it's 87 8 minutes and the last 10 or 15 really wears on you. It is a third proposal. Pride and Prejudice barely pulls off two and three in my Christmas family secret

[00:24:18] and here's the thing is it's a comedy of errors guys like Alonzo's not kidding. Or an error of comedy. They let yeah that works too. They let this woman riff on this guy's hair and instead of using one take they use all the takes.

[00:24:35] They just put them back to back to back and just you can tell exactly where they cut and they do the same thing three or four straight times in a row slightly different as she's giving

[00:24:46] different takes and she just keep the director just keeps them all in there. They had to cut the part where you could hear the director say no no keep going. That's right yeah yeah yeah exactly it is and at one point they do this thing where

[00:24:59] they turn the camera the camera's supposed to be the person's head and you see the bottom of the screen go black like you see it go black like it's clearly digitized. There are single strands of light this movie is clearly taking place and filmed in the sweltering

[00:25:15] summer of Wilmington North Carolina like thank you people are actively sweating in this movie everything is backlit and green and red. It's a riot. It is an absolute riot of a movie that for the first hour laughed the entire way through and

[00:25:34] then it started to wear on me and I hated it but it is it's definitely with those other two. It's on that Mount Rushmore right now and deservedly so in some instances maybe number one.

[00:25:47] It is it is it is an experience unlike any other if you revel in bad movies if you love them like Bran loves them you gotta you gotta get in on this movie we rented it on Amazon so we won today.

[00:25:59] Yes I watched it on Tubi for free for free we didn't want to deal with the ads so there you go yeah it's time for all the feels where we talk about what this movie gave us feels Alonzo.

[00:26:11] Uh yeah uh to to borrow a a phrase that is beloved on this program searched my heart found nothing search your heart found nothing believe it uh I'd sorry if I stole Dan's but

[00:26:22] that's uh yeah I get uh no my only my only feel was it was that thing of like oh is this going to be this loony pants all the way through and spoiler it was yes yes it was um I I mean my

[00:26:39] feel is just it is it's it is the worst Christmas decorating I've ever seen ever like you know we talked about what was that movie like a month ago where per per capita like oh yeah like 12 wreaths

[00:26:53] in a kitchen but at least right right right at least it looks like somebody put time and energy into that's right making the decorations look good the the scene Alonzo is talking about they

[00:27:06] they put the lights up over top of I think like the sliding glass door or whatever and then just with the extra they wadded it up it's starting to fall down some that happens multiple times

[00:27:18] it's just it is it's a they are decorating the same tree I think for three days it's uh it's it's some of the worst Christmas decorations it is 100% the worst Christmas decorations I've seen

[00:27:30] like even the movies where I'm like there wasn't enough Christmas at least the Christmas that was there looks like Christmas decorations this looks like I mean even the even the backlight

[00:27:41] the amount like this whole movie the background is lit with red and green and like maybe a good idea in your mind but the first time you see it you should have gone we got to return them to Home

[00:27:55] Depot get the money back like we don't need this in the background of every scene it's tough it makes people look like they're standing too close to a heat lamp yes yeah yeah and they're sweating

[00:28:04] profusely in this I think they may have been oh my gosh uh Dan anything yeah this movie doesn't deserve feelings it doesn't deserve your feelings you should not feel strongly about anything in

[00:28:15] this movie unless it's just hilarity having said that a movie that comes out in 2023 searching for a biological father almost everyone in this movie for the majority of the runtime basically says to

[00:28:27] this character we need to help you find your real father yeah just guys I you just be a little bit better I just like for two seconds think about the words that you're saying and how they impact

[00:28:42] others that's bad even for a first pass of a script um they're real real bad and that made me angry and I got over it because the movie was really funny but I kind of couldn't believe

[00:28:53] they were saying it but she also doesn't really mourn the loss of her fake father until she finds out that her real father's a sperm donor and then she's like well I guess now I have to now

[00:29:06] now he was as real as I'll ever have that's tough sheesh that's tough uh let's take it let's take a quick break we'll come back we'll get to the weight what it'll be short um and the uh I don't know Pluto me this heretic dollar plutonium

[00:29:32] welcome back everybody we're talking about a Christmas family secret from 2023 having a good time having a good time uh it's time for the weight what a segment that was created with this

[00:29:44] movie in mind we just didn't know it yet um Alonzo won this movie while you're watching it made you wait what oh my well let's see okay so early on when she is she's all packed to go home and

[00:29:57] she's about to leave it you find out later in a different in a different angle that she's wearing a dress but I swear to god I thought she was wearing like a plumber's sort of onesie it it

[00:30:08] looks like it's this striped long sleeve thing and I'm like I what this is your traveling outfit okay no problem um uh nothing like a running poop gag I just can't believe we also haven't mentioned

[00:30:23] this yet yes yes there's a running joke about how the fact that she apparently dropped a deuce on the floor at during prom night and is shocked to discover that everyone in town knows about

[00:30:33] her she thought she'd been keeping it such a secret all this time it's a terrible idea to do this in this movie and if you're gonna do it you really have to like extend it all the way out

[00:30:44] but they just casually mention it like two or three times yeah expecting it to be really really funny and it's absurd is it supposed to be underscoring the fact that she was also the

[00:30:56] only person in town who didn't know that her her the dad who raised her was not her real dad yeah that was that was bananas all right so she tells uh sam that you know she really loves

[00:31:11] this uh the glazed croissants from this bakery how like they were her favorite sort of holiday treat and she comes home and there they are these are pillsbury crescent rolls there is not a hint

[00:31:23] of glaze anywhere I would add day old to that at least these are matte croissants there is no glaze involved anywhere so that was like don't don't bring it up in the dialogue if you're not gonna

[00:31:36] if you don't actually have them just say oh I love stale crescent rolls oh look you brought me some watching them try to eat these crescent rolls and act like they're delicious is it's worthy of the

[00:31:48] academy's consideration I just they know they're terrible we know they're terrible and they are trying their best to power through and it is oh it's their biggest dramatic stretch uh at one point I just wrote down why is anyone where they are

[00:32:06] like I was just confused as to who was where and why why is he sleeping on the couch in her house like um and then also I got very confused about like she she and sam say they haven't seen each

[00:32:19] other for three years but she's also under the impression that he's still bagging groceries and not a lawyer and surely three years ago he would have at least been in law school right like no man

[00:32:33] man not the type of law he does time's a social construct alonzo stop stop binding your mind with these dumb thing man-made things you can become a successful lawyer look kurt warner was bagging groceries

[00:32:50] it's so ridiculous you're 100 right oh so okay this is the the sort of you know uh often seen um uh a trope for these movies where like she's the super successful business lady she's made

[00:33:05] partner at the firm but it's all doesn't mean anything she's gonna go back to the small town you would expect that they might like sort of dress her up in like power suits and very kind

[00:33:14] of no no you know like modern lady got some money things she wears a blanket for 80 percent of this movie and if she's not in a blanket she wants you to know she has a naval ring like she is it is

[00:33:26] either tank top or blanket those are the two options it's my favorite old game show uh i was i did i wonder how warm it gets in wilmington in december because like at one

[00:33:41] point she's literally going backless like she has a blouse with no back on it then i think on christmas she wears a tube top i'm like i mean it's i know the south isn't like it's not gonna

[00:33:52] snow but you know yeah come on she look they are filming this in like maybe september it is just so clearly hot anything else alonzo uh well and then the at the end she's on the beach in fuzzy slippers

[00:34:08] yeah oh man brandon just man it's not just that she did that it's that she walks onto the beach barefoot and then decides now that i'm in the sand i will put on my fuzzy slippers yes

[00:34:24] yes an insane turn of events that scene should be studied in film school it is tell me what's wrong with this she is at the grave of her father and then they fade to black

[00:34:38] like return of the king style you think it's over they fade back up it's her by herself for two minutes two or three minutes of her staring into the ocean also could have been 10 seconds

[00:34:50] i'm not sure middle mid-left like it is just it is like an a24 black fade to black again and you're like that's the end what a weird ending fade it back up proposal the dude shows up and proposes

[00:35:05] to her in her fuzzy slippers right time it's right proposal yes um i have a few uh what he for you really so nina uh is the best oh yeah i think we all want to do it did not get nearly

[00:35:20] enough mean in this movie they talk the next day they they're talking over bubbly which by the way an insane scene of opening bubbly i i i had to go bubbly in a bottle with a bottle cap with a

[00:35:34] bottle that they start at the bottom of the bottle and slow it up with jazz music and then they crack it open and you watch you watch the champagne just kind of blow right out of there

[00:35:49] and it's in slow motion what are they doing it's foreshadowing for when she finds out later about her actual parentage that's right oh no everybody he's got covered but he's on his a-game today

[00:36:05] i mailed it man gonna have to put an explicit tag on this episode yeah man that's anyway the next day they go and they get coffee and she bring nina brings out two cups of coffee and she said i put

[00:36:23] a little christmas spirit in mine from home did you did you bring it do you always bring some spirit with you in case nina is an alcoholic that is what we're trying to say yes um okay the scene

[00:36:37] where uh she is saying goodbye to nina oh man this is a time classic there is there is a this is another classic that's my mentor scene there is something on the tv and my only guess is that it

[00:36:53] is another movie that this director made or something oh man it's found footage it is it's cctv security cam yes yeah it's insane two guys walking around in hooded sweatshirts you can't see them

[00:37:09] the one guy's talking it's i don't know what someone can tell me what movie is playing i will give you five dollars i just i couldn't listen to a word that nina and her were saying

[00:37:20] because i just was dying laughing at the tv in the back on the tv that's bigger than they are and just back in the back 80 inch tv showing a movie that is not a movie it's not home video

[00:37:33] it's phenomenal it's phenomenal my goodness phenomenal scene when she decides i'm going home she hops on a flight and you might be wondering how do we know where she goes they do let us know that she's going to wilmington north carolina but not just wilmington north

[00:37:48] carolina city of wilmington north carolina is what pops up on the screen sometimes you see that and you're like that's the province that's the province it's the province of wilmington not the county the city of wilmington north carolina uh sam sees her and says this humdinger i guess

[00:38:10] the saying is right beauty is hard to find i don't know man i don't know all right jones father's name is carlos this is just a little thing but jones father's name is carlos and um you know i think everybody does stockings in their

[00:38:33] own way uh but what they do have is they have a j stocking for joanne and a d stocking for dad i guess um for dad it's the dad is the d for dad hang up the big d stockings okay um all right

[00:38:49] you know man it's this should it should have been a dead giveaway that there you might not know the whole story about your mom when you were told she died in her sleep when you were three that's right

[00:39:11] probably there's there was something else going on right like like how old was she like you should have asked more questions immediately the fact that she's never questioned never questioned are there no photos of you and your mother like none ever maybe that might be a tip-off

[00:39:26] for some reason they want to keep it a secret that she died at birth wouldn't that not be something that your dad would keep from you a really really weird thing to hold back but they held back everything there's lots of secrets they held back everything he never

[00:39:42] told her that he wasn't her real father i'm not your real dad um so there's a text message that he sends to her that we get to read uh on the screen and it says hey

[00:39:56] uh i'd love to see you again and then for reasons i don't know in quotation marks it says i got you a makeup gift why is that in quotes i don't know um that's exactly what words brand that then leads to

[00:40:14] uh a massage sequence and you're like great yes the massage is the makeup gift that's right i don't not so sure anymore because then she gets uh she comes outside and he's there and she's like

[00:40:27] what are you doing here i don't know man i maybe wanted to see how the massage went that was the makeup gift that's right that's right i don't know um so there i did mention he does get a

[00:40:42] bunch of videos from people we had to rewind we were so hard here just just two things from this and then i'll be done this is the best uh one she walks out and he has roses and a laptop and a giant

[00:40:57] bow on the laptop and she's like what is all these roses did you give me a laptop the laptop my gift and he says no the laptop the laptop represents your past

[00:41:15] the used laptop the laptop symbolizes your past i don't know i i how and then proceeds to play a video full of the people that she didn't know existed which would definitely be a part of her

[00:41:29] future you would think so yes but i'm not sure she cares because after the first video gets done playing the second one starts and she begins to talk through it she's not even listening doesn't

[00:41:41] care about these people that she's related to that she didn't know she's just like oh wow how'd you do that just like we'll take it on a conversation but i think what's important

[00:41:51] is that the laptop represents your past and i think everybody needs to know that uh dano somehow there are more left i you just need to see the movie for yourself we open up after a an extensively

[00:42:04] long introduction in this film with credits galore which is shocking to me uh on a scene where she's supposedly in the conference room at her big firm and the boss comes in and is like why are you so

[00:42:18] sad like you just got partner and she's like i'm gonna take a day off and then they stand up from this table and it turns out that the fancy firm's conference room is at best the lobby of a startup

[00:42:31] co-working space it is just like wide open anybody like they probably rented it for 50 bucks it is crazy as soon as like it's a white shoe law firm yeah yeah it's like you know you're

[00:42:46] supposed to be really fancy and then they pan out and it is like a pretend law firm um the fact that in this way what is too good for this movie but the fact that

[00:42:58] uh she doesn't hear that her father has died until she arrives is just like in 2023 like she's gonna visit her father for the first time in three years she didn't call anybody she

[00:43:13] didn't tell anybody she was coming they say the quote is we buried him a couple we buried him a couple days ago which means he's been dead for probably five days and they said we tried to call

[00:43:26] you and that's it we there's nothing that we didn't leave a message we didn't like didn't text you it just as she shows up and her dad is dead and everyone i couldn't believe it i couldn't

[00:43:39] blown away i didn't expect it again my first thought was not a secret like it's not something they were trying to keep from her but we did find out there's another secret so yeah i'd say so many

[00:43:50] secrets so many secrets so little time yeah um there's a few lines in this movie that made me just cackle laughing and at one point dude is trying to help her with trying to find her

[00:44:02] biological father and he's like what if we use one of those dna sites and she's like yeah those are helpful but we would need a real person and i know after they keep after they keep talking after

[00:44:17] they talk further i know what she's trying to say which is figuring it out we had to do a lot of the legwork here but we did figure it out that it's we have to have the dna of someone else from my

[00:44:29] family in the system in order for the dad would have to have given his dna for it to but no or say anyone anyone with her similar dna would have to have given theirs is what she's trying to say

[00:44:41] but her response to what about those dna sites is just well we would need a real person a real person as opposed to a fake person like my father i just i just couldn't believe it and then there is one

[00:44:56] scene where he they're talking while decorating the christmas or taking down the christmas tree and they're remembering the good old days i guess and the lines they say to talk about remembering

[00:45:10] what they did as children a madlib is generous this line actually exists it is do you remember the do you remember the christmas field day it sounds corrupt man like someone is at a typewriter going do you remember the hey give me

[00:45:33] a give me a holiday christmas what was your favorite thing as a kid field day name of a sport yeah kickball betting on a kid's kickball game do you remember the christmas field day they were out there betting on a kid's kickball game

[00:46:00] we get nothing else that's not we don't get anything else to that story that's all that we get doesn't matter which is just fantastic um and lastly the guy with the bad haircut who meets

[00:46:13] his untimely demise thanks to a food not fit for a star macaroni and cheese with raisins in it that's right this guy he said at one point in this movie he's like before i got the day i got this haircut

[00:46:28] i was supposed to propose to my girlfriend and give a speech at church move one of those two events that is a lot too much in one day he's too much that's a lot for a

[00:46:44] day you had to speak public speaking and then you had to propose to your girlfriend when was he going to propose i don't know he just said my haircut before you were my haircut i got this

[00:46:54] okay i had to propose to my girlfriend and speak at church today and if you have both those things in your calendar maybe don't get your hair cut for the first time by someone new yeah no i oh

[00:47:06] my gosh dude this movie i also just like why why were they so mean to this poor man this poor man that when they're watching him get pulled away with the ambulance they're trying not to laugh

[00:47:19] they're trying to laugh they say man i really hope that they make it there in time and then she says you go and pray for him and he's like i'm not going to pray for him you're going to

[00:47:28] why not what did this guy do to you it's basically he should have known better than to eat that food it's crazy he didn't read the yelp reviews on the haircut yeah that's his major sin i'm not gonna

[00:47:40] pray for him uh it's time for what the hallmark it's where we wonder what could have been maybe you haven't given clarity any questions that we still have such as how did it happen uh alonzo

[00:47:49] what are you still wondering about well it's really the very end of the movie which was certainly was a relief by that point i won't lie um but you know he proposes for the third time

[00:48:00] she says yes but immediately is like well what about the the venue and the names of the babies and the gender reveal and the blah blah blah and his response is basically like no no no

[00:48:11] you're not in control of any of this anymore that's what he said that's it's not basically he says you are not in control of any of this anymore yeah and i'm just like and how many

[00:48:24] minutes until she says okay let's not get married then oh my gosh that's the happy ending here is like hi i'm here to boss your life now that's right yeah oh what a throwaway line that i just

[00:48:34] forgot about yeah by that point you've already got a christmas field day guy telling his new fiance you don't have a life anymore didn't make my weight what barely even crossed my mind i'm like yeah do you remember when we had the uh easter pole vaulting competition

[00:48:53] um do you have nina down as you were okay so i'll do this one alonzo you mentioned that constantly in this movie you were going how'd they get there and it's a great question uh he shows up a lot

[00:49:05] he's just in her house but the biggest one for me in that regard is the uh the conversation we mentioned with the man outside the bathroom now they are in this man's house they are waiting

[00:49:19] for him outside his bathroom door to which he opens up from the inside and sprays they then have the conversation right outside air pressure right outside the bathroom door it crazy

[00:49:32] what happened did they did they let themselves in and just sit out there and wait or did he say hey come on in i'ma just be a minute then go into the bathroom drop a boo-boo and then

[00:49:49] and then come out and be like okay now like what do you guys need conversation right outside the bathroom door either way it's not great but one of those things happened yeah either they walked in

[00:49:59] unannounced while this man was taking a poop or he said come on in just give me a minute and he went to the bathroom and he and he and he did his business well he he comes vaulting out

[00:50:11] saying i am not the father as though like he had just gotten the results in the bathroom yeah yeah yeah that didn't even make a wave what it's like what they did they uh hey are you my dad

[00:50:23] just give me one minute i gotta do something first this cannot wait amazing well amazing uh dan there is one what the hallmark in this movie one uh in the first scene of this movie

[00:50:37] uh our downtrodden yet recently partnered lead gets told who does not partner and in this movie no at all you look you i've not seen you look this sad since nina beat you in that contest

[00:50:52] the next scene of this movie is with nina and nina walks in and goes i've not seen you this sad since i beat you in that contest amazing do we hear one more word about that contest

[00:51:07] for the next insufferable 80 minutes no we do not no one says a word about a contest that made our lead so sad it is a reference point for the remainder of her life this contest was so serious

[00:51:24] and so heartbreaking that her best friend beat her and she got so sad and we never hear about what it is or what it pertains to i if i told you before this movie that uh i gave you these

[00:51:37] two options which of these is going to be talked about more uh nina being sad after losing in a contest or uh pooping on the floor pooping on the floor you would say probably the contest

[00:51:51] probably the contest not even close pooping on the side and close pooping on the floor this is what happens when you go to the first day of screenwriter school but not the second day of

[00:51:59] screenwriters that's right i want to see like a screenwriter like a really like like kushner like give a workover on this script can you imagine being like sorkin can you do a

[00:52:12] another take at this polish us up a christmas family secret i mean come on man you're out of gerwick i've got your barbie follow that's right yeah uh we did everybody anderson's honestly very similar use of color yeah actually very different the way in which

[00:52:33] uh we did everybody congratulations um we're gonna be back next week we're heading over to tubi uh maybe you also watch this one on there but just stay there then uh because we got a hot girl winter hot girl winter hot girl winter feel like the quality

[00:52:49] is going to improve we're going to find out we'll be back next week and tomorrow until then remember the first to wish you a merry christmas the bravel jam podcast is produced by aaron shea

[00:53:00] for more information on deck the hallmark you can go to deck the hallmark.com for more information on the deck the hallmark family you can go to bramble jam plus.com deck the hallmark is presented

[00:53:08] by philo tv for a free trial of philo go to philo.tv slash dth you're about to hear some ads that help keep the lights on here in the old studio thanks for listening or don't listen it's

[00:53:27] really up to you at this point it's at the end of the show i mean you're listening to me hi but here they come i promise they're coming yep here they are happy day