A Royal Makeover (UpTV - 2024)

[00:00:01] Heyo, I'm Brandon, I love UpTV movies. I'm Brian, I like UpTV movies. I'm Dan, the button hadn't been pressed yet and I despise UpTV movies and this is the Deck The Hallmark Podcast. Deck The Hallmark, it's his five... We hope you like this jolly podcast.

[00:00:18] Well hello everybody, welcome to March Madness. I was waiting for you to push the button. It's green over there. Oh I saw that, yeah, we're going. It's March Madness over here everybody because we got nothing to do in all day to get there.

[00:00:48] We're going crazy with these deals. Going crazy, that's exactly right. So many deals. There's so many deals. So many deals. We're selling so many things. Tell us about your... You have an electric car? Tell us about your favorite deal.

[00:00:57] I think it's the cheat the government deal that you were telling me about where you buy an electric car and you have a bunch of people in the back seat and you're like, oh, I'm going to buy a car. I'm going to buy a car.

[00:01:01] I'm going to buy a car. I'm going to buy a car. You buy an electric car every year and then you sell it the next year just for the tax credits every year. It's a good deal. Just talk about it. What a deal.

[00:01:13] I'm giving that away for free. That's how madness it is. Don't even ask your accountant. Let's just talk about it. We're just throwing out ideas here. No bad ideas. Trying to figure out a way to not pay taxes and Brand comes up with the humdinger of you

[00:01:25] buy a new EV every year and then you sell it the following year. Why can't you? You don't touch it. Why can't you? I don't think you'd make as much money as you think you'd make. All I'm saying is buy on the 31st, sell on the first sale.

[00:01:40] Okay, but it's still the car depreciates in value. Never going to drive it. Okay. It's as soon as you never do. I'm never touching it. It depreciates, but it loses a little on the sale. Does it depreciate more than the credit?

[00:01:54] It would probably if you think about it. Okay. Think about it. We do have an accountant in the chat saying the tax credits are not guaranteed. It seems like there's a little gray area. We may not. I thought they were through 2028 because of COVID, but maybe I'm wrong.

[00:02:07] The accountant would seem to be right in this scenario. She would know she does this for a living. Please dear Lord. Now, maybe they've thought about the idea. But people buy on the 31st.

[00:02:18] When you buy a car in South Carolina, it's $500 sales tax is the max, which is way better than most States. But then you have to pay licensing fees, title fees, all that stuff. If you add all that in, it's a little bit over a thousand bucks, probably $1,200.

[00:02:34] It's going to depreciate for like, depending on how much you spend on the car, it's going to appreciate 10% $40,000 car, 4,000 plus the 1200. What if I tell you I got a rim guy? You got, okay. Now you've made custom modifications to the car, which makes it actually depreciate more

[00:02:53] gold rims. I'm just letting you know what dealerships are blessed by the Pope gold rims. Okay. If they're blessed by the Pope, then I think we're in. If we can get enough rims that are blessed by the Pope that we can do this every year.

[00:03:07] I think I'm back in. It sounds like we're back in business here. Sounds like we're back in business. That's exactly right. We're having a good time this month. So little hallmark. You can also Venmo us for our tax problems at Bramble Gym Podcast.

[00:03:19] So little hallmark, but no problems here. No problems here because we cover it all. We cover it all on deck, the hallmark, including up TV. We're going to do a lifetime this week. We're get do it. We got all sorts of stuff coming up on the old pipeline.

[00:03:37] And I'm excited about it. I'm excited about what we hit, what we have in store. That's all I'm going to say about it. Dude, that's awesome. You did a great job. Speaking of up TV and lifetime, those are both networks that you can check out on filo,

[00:03:48] filo.tv slash DTH. Guys, did you see what I posted on Instagram this weekend? I was, I was, I was scrolling through filo looking for a movie to watch and suddenly it turned into the entire evening because it there's so much on there.

[00:04:06] Yeah, you got, don't you do it. There's a, there's an iron, there's Iron Man. I landed on Hoosiers. Hoosiers. Of course you do. What world? You can get from Iron Man to Hoosiers and everything in between. I mean, yeah. That's up TV and lifetime. Yeah.

[00:04:24] Of all the, all the, your, your holiday movie hub all year round. Yes, absolutely. Of course. Way home, which we're covering. It is new every week. That's right. Filo.tv slash DTH. You can watch our show.

[00:04:33] You can watch those things and you can watch Iron Man and Hoosiers. And everything in between in that line there. Yes. Iron Man to Hoosiers and everything in between. Uh, you guys want to talk about a Royal makeover? Do we have to? Dan does.

[00:04:48] A Royal makeover from UpTV. Yeah. Originally premiered on the network opposite the Oscars, uh, on 31024 and it went a little something like this. Angelica. Eliza. A Royal makeover. Uh, Angelica is what you may call a Royal expert.

[00:05:10] Uh, she works at, Ryan, I think you say it better than anybody else where she works. Yes. The Museum of Royal, Royal Museum of History. The Museum of Royal Museum of History. Yeah, that's exactly what it is. Yes. For my money. I know. For my money. Yes. Mernie?

[00:05:30] She does work at the Royal Museum of Royal History. She gives tours about royalty, um, really loves talking about it. She also has a crush on her boss, George. He calls her into his office one day and introduces her to A. Billy Bob Thornton. Ooh, that's probably right.

[00:05:53] B. Canada Dry. C. The King and Queen of San Pablo or D. The Candy. I've been fooled before, uh, and I don't know what Zan Pablo is and I don't think we've talked about it, but I'm still going to go D. The Candy. D. The Candy, Bob.

[00:06:09] Yeah, final answer. It is not. It's the King and Queen of San Pablo. You said Zan Pablo. I said Zan Pablo the first time. I don't think that's true. Uh, Zan Pablo, um, has this wild rule where once the King turned 65, they decide that

[00:06:29] 65 and older is too old to be running the country. Fascinating. Actually, not a bad idea. So. That rule is just for a whole country. It's crazy. Once you're 65, you're out of there. You're out of there. Interesting. That's crazy.

[00:06:43] So, like, obviously he has to turn over the throne ship to next in line. Next in line. Well, the guy who was next in line. 43. Dead. Dead. Guy who was going to take a woman. I think it was a woman actually. A woman. Gonzo. Get out of here.

[00:07:00] See you sucker. So, it goes to whoever is next after that and it's a guy named Ramone. 44. Ramone is 44. He is next in line. 44 at the counter please. So, the problem with this though is that Ramone does not know that he is related to royalty

[00:07:14] nor does he know that he's in any sort of line. He doesn't know that he is 44. But he loves some baseball. He sure does love some baseball. They pay him a visit and Ramone is all about baseball. You sure? I didn't really get that vibe from him.

[00:07:26] I think if you look closely enough. He may have the champion baseball star shirt he was wearing. I saw a few posters on the wall around the apartment. Other than that. And he wants to make it as clear as possible that he likes baseball and doesn't really

[00:07:42] want any other responsibilities aside from baseball. So, when the option to become king becomes available to him, he's like, nah man. If it's not about baseball, I ain't about that life. But then they say, well what if we told you. Tell dad.

[00:07:57] Tell him what you told me about it. Told you. Told you. What if we told you that becoming king means that you also basically own the national baseball team. He's like, well now. Keep talking. Now we're talking. Now the problem here is this. He's not throne material.

[00:08:15] Not in the least bit. This guy doesn't really have any desire to be a king. And so what do we do about this? Well, Angelica who works at the Royal Museum of History. History Royal Museum. Yes, some range. Correct.

[00:08:33] And so she agrees to help him get to the status. The goal is for them to finish up their meetings and for him to say, I just can't wait to be king. That's exactly right.

[00:08:45] And so hopefully in teaching you about being a king and all of that, he will say, that's delightful. King me. King me. Yeah. King me is exactly right. But here's the thing. This guy doesn't like snails. What? He doesn't like tacos to homeless people.

[00:09:03] I mean, you better ask her. Get out of here. Yeah. Yeah. You're off guard. You sure did. Smell you later. I don't know. So there is this guy who is trying to shoehorn his way into becoming the king.

[00:09:26] He and his wife work for the king and the queen. They're like, basically the help. And he, though, thinks that if he if stay with me, you got it. If Ramone says no, then he'll have a chance. This is a chance. That's I can figure. So, yeah. Yeah.

[00:09:54] I think that's about right. Yeah. He gets so Angelica spends time trying to teach Ramone the ways. No, no, no. It goes the kingship ends. It goes to like democracy and he gets elected president. Great democracy. I think it changes to a democracy and he becomes president.

[00:10:10] He is in peril. That's what would happen. The monarchy would collapse and I'd be president. It goes to democracy. Yeah. They switch to hit the democracy switch. And imagine being so sure of yourself. Yeah. That imagine that man, if it goes to democracy, I'm going to win.

[00:10:26] I'm going to win this thing. There's no one who's more foolproof fit for democracy. But if it goes to democracy, can they just vote for the king? If it turns into a day, what are those rules? Yeah, I don't know.

[00:10:38] It seems like he knows the rules better than we do. The guy didn't think it through. I mean, I know the rules are pretty cut and dry and I'm sure we're going to an island like San Pablo. Of course, it's an island. Yes. Surrounded by water.

[00:10:50] I think I don't think San Pablo is an island. It is in Europe and it is not the UK. But Europe's an island. So Europe is an island. We learned, Brandon learned today. Guys, this is not a bit.

[00:11:00] Brandon Gray was today years old when he learned that the UK was an island. We're having fun. We're having fun. Today. Yeah. He couldn't believe it. But when you think about it, right? We're all kind of, we're all on our own island.

[00:11:16] Then he tried to tell me that every piece of land is an island. If you really think about it. And then he said the whole, it's a globe. His argument was, it's a globe. It's a globe. It's a globe. There's water everywhere. Space is the water of earth.

[00:11:28] I think it's what I said. They did say. You did give me that. You said, yes, space is the water of earth. Say it. I did not say it. Give you that. Say it. No, I say it. Bethann is coming to your defense.

[00:11:40] San Pablo is an island off the coast of Spain in this fictional world. Hey, say it. No. What do you not want to say? Your comparison of space and water is ridiculous. It's not.

[00:11:51] Anyway, Angelica is spending time with Ramon trying to teach the ways of the royalty, including all those classic King stuff like dancing in the park. Yes, correct. You know, showing him who he is related to. Thanks to the fact that she works at Royal Museum of History.

[00:12:10] And then he finally believes that he is going to, he's ready to be king. After he's able to chow down on a hot sauce packed, hot sauce packed empanada packed full of hot sauce. Anyway, he's like, if I can do that, I can do anything.

[00:12:33] I saw hot sauce empanada live. Whoa, boy. So he's like, I'm ready to do this. They go shopping for suits. He's like, you don't know who I am. It's a whole thing. Then this guy shows up and he's like, I am your uncle. Great uncle. Yeah, I think.

[00:12:52] Too old for the throne. And it's basically like, hey, try kind of trying to plant some seeds of doubt at first and do all of that stuff. He then sees Angelica and George together. That makes him sad. And so he started now doubt again.

[00:13:07] Is any of this worth it? Answer? It is. The Daily Double. It is worth it. He decides that I am going to do it in this process. Angelica obviously goes on date with George, and it's just not all that she thought that it would be.

[00:13:23] Maybe, maybe Ramones the guy. And so he goes over to San Pablo to become the king. And it's at this point where you all know this. I'm sure.

[00:13:38] But when you are becoming king, they do have a if anybody has any reason why he shouldn't be King speak now forever. Hold your peace.

[00:13:47] That is when the other guy who's been trying to make sure that he doesn't become King speaks up and is like, hey, this guy's only in it for the baseball. And that's when Ramones like, no, man. Well, I was at first.

[00:14:00] But now I actually think I could do this and I can do this thing. And the current King banishes this guy and his wife from ever stepping foot in San Pablo ever again.

[00:14:11] It is now time for that classic dance where the new King gets to dance with any rando he wants to against their will. Luckily for him, Angelica peeks out behind a fountain and they dance and they kiss. And that, my friends, was a Royal makeover. We did it.

[00:14:35] Let's take a quick break. We'll come back. We'll break this movie down here on Deck the Hallmark. Man, I'm excited to be here today. Good. Excited to be here today. We're talking to a Royal makeover. Up TV. This is exciting. It's time for the hot take.

[00:14:59] You said excited three times, which lets me know one thing. You're not. I am excited. It's fine. Let me explain to you why I'm excited. It's a Royal Up TV movie. We understand what this is. I'm not excited about the movie.

[00:15:11] What I am excited about is the hot take segment. Brian, this is your first Up TV movie that you've gotten to review. It is. You've never done it. It is. Welcome to the big leagues. I'm excited. I'm excited. This is exciting. I know.

[00:15:24] It's so exciting to just think about it. So, Brian, you've been with us for a while now. You've done a lot of Hallmark. This is your first venture in Up TV, which people might think is like the little league of baseball analogy.

[00:15:37] Who would say that aside from you? Is that your thought? How did you feel about a Royal makeover? I'll tell you. I was really excited going into this. This is a whole different venue. It's like an away game, if you will. It's an away game. Yeah. Okay.

[00:15:51] In my mind, an away game, like, hey, road trip time. We're going to go out to restaurants. We're going to have a fun time. We're going to do fun stuff. Did you ride the bench a lot as a kid?

[00:16:00] Yeah, I was mostly just like clean out the tour bus duty. And this was a lot like that. I didn't go to any restaurant. You know, the bus, the school bus. Okay. It wasn't even a... Okay. You got me. You know how it goes. The school bus.

[00:16:15] Yeah, I didn't get to venture out. I barely got to the island of San Pablo. Like, I thought we were going to spend some time there. I thought we were going to do that scene where you're in the plane, you get off. You're in the plane.

[00:16:27] You know, they do the takeoff, the landing. Okay. And you're there. And we were not there. Hardly there, which was lame because I thought a lot of this was going to be him in San Pablo learning the customs, doing the thing. None of it.

[00:16:40] He could learn that from someone else, not from San Pablo. Right, I guess so. Playing the part of San Pablo in this movie was Brick House and Fountain. Yeah. That was playing the part of San Pablo. So I was a little disappointed. Like, we didn't even get...

[00:16:52] Like, didn't even get a haircut. Like, where was the makeover? He went and stole stuff at a fancy store, or they tried to blame him for stealing. Barely a makeover, barely royal. Did not keep me interested. He was...

[00:17:05] I was kind of annoyed at how disinterested he was in being... Like, if somebody said to me, hey, you inherited kingship, I'd be like, a little interested. Yeah. Like, okay, I'm listening. Like, no interest at all. No time for it at all.

[00:17:20] Like, he's too busy watching his 1990s baseball reruns on every square TV he can find. So not for me, really. I don't know. Off to a rough start, I would say, for me at UpTV. Okay, I was about to say, the movie is off to a rough start?

[00:17:34] No, I'm just starting my review. No, I'm finished with the movie. I've seen enough. Got it. Call it. Brand's going to pick us back up, don't worry. Aaron, you remember What a Girl Wants, the Amanda Bynes classic? Of course. How great is that movie? So good.

[00:17:48] So good, right? Is it so good? So good. Is it though? It's so good. Dan, no one asked your opinion. The movie rules. The movie said, hey, Aaron. Hey, Aaron. Is it so good? The movie rules. The movie rocks, yeah. Rocks and rules? Yeah. This movie's not that.

[00:18:03] This movie's not What a Girl Wants, unfortunately. It did make me want to watch What a Girl Wants because Wynn and Sam Pablo behind as well. This is not the best from UpTV. We've seen, Dan and I have seen quite a few UpTV movies at this point.

[00:18:19] This isn't one of the better ones. There's just a lot that doesn't make sense about this movie in the way in which it's constructed. Why? Why would they have this random woman who's not, never been around the royal family of

[00:18:35] Sam Pablo but only works in a museum about history? Why would they hire her to get him up to speed on what royal life is like? It makes no sense. None. It makes no sense.

[00:18:49] It's like having a kid who's really good at playing racing games driving a real race, like in Gran Turismo. That's right, like Gran Turismo, yes. Is this the Gran Turismo of Royal Movies? This movie's Gran Turismo. Wow. Makes it better already. This movie's great.

[00:19:13] This movie is not great, unfortunately. It's not Gran Turismo. It does not have Hopper in it. It's true. It's a bit of a mess. I do think, like I thought the two leads were fine together. I thought they had a good time when they were together.

[00:19:28] Here's what I didn't need. Didn't need George, didn't need the bad couple that's trying to just let, if they want to have this movie about Angelica training Ramon to become a king, just let that happen. Like let's just do that. Or come up with a better bad guy.

[00:19:48] Yeah, sure, something. Something that has a little bit of stake to it aside from democracy is going to take over. Like George being the other love interest didn't do anything to add to the movie. The two baddies didn't do anything to add to the movie.

[00:20:02] And so overall, I think we got something here that could work but not in the way in which it is constructed on screen here, unfortunately. But a close but no cigar. Close but no cigar. Close but no cigar.

[00:20:18] That was a long way to say you were actually close to liking it. I was close to liking it. All right. That was not my experience watching it with you. What are you talking about? No, that's fine. Say what you say. I just said it.

[00:20:29] What does that mean? Say what you say. I think it speaks for itself. You thought that I was miserable watching this movie? I thought you were not enjoying yourself. No, I was not. Okay. But I was close to liking it. Close but no cigar. Yes. Okay.

[00:20:42] There were moments in the movie where I found myself being like, okay. And then the bad guy would show up. That's right. So it was close but no cigar. Close but no cigar. Gran Turismo.

[00:20:53] This is one of these movies, a lot like Gran Turismo, which I did not see. You never saw that? I never saw it, no. I just feel like- Even I saw it. I just feel like I saw it. Gran Turismo. Yeah, okay. Wow. Great, guys.

[00:21:05] I've never seen a movie you haven't seen. Never? I don't think so. Really? I don't think so. Well, you got one. I bet you got more than one, but now you got one. It's a good one too.

[00:21:13] I mean, it's a movie based on a video game with Hopper. I didn't feel like I had to rush out to the theater. No, no, no. It's not. I understand it's a real true story about someone that played the video game that raced. I understand that.

[00:21:22] Well, then that's not what you said. It's still named Gran Turismo, which is after a video game. So at the very least, it's based on a video game in some former fashion. The formation of the video game and the driving in it is excellent. Yeah, I've heard-

[00:21:34] Great, guys. I will get to it. I'll get to Gran Turismo. If it's not Oppenheimer, damn, I want it. He's like, let me see that bomb drop. Yeah, there is no bomb in Gran Turismo.

[00:21:47] So this is one of these movies where I feel really bad is what I feel. And I'm going to go out on a limb, even though I have no information about this whatsoever. I know nothing about how this movie was made.

[00:21:56] But I'm going to say that I feel the worst for the screenwriter because it is my guess that this person that wrote this movie, I don't know who they are, they wrote a movie that was supposed to be an actual royal movie.

[00:22:08] Like maybe we'll shoot it in Romania or we'll shoot it in Spain or we'll shoot it somewhere fun. And they craft this place called San Pablo and they craft this story of like very similar to training someone how to be royal.

[00:22:21] They've made this movie a hundred times, but at least the movie has some like structure to it. And then UPTV or whomever made the movie basically takes it and is like, what if we set it in Miami?

[00:22:31] And what if we made somebody not from that country teach the country to them? They basically take every part of this movie that tethers itself to, okay, this makes sense. And they just disregard it entirely. The leads aren't super compelling. The movie makes no sense.

[00:22:50] Like we're watching what's going on, but the motivations of characters just aren't there. Like both of our leads are not from San Pablo. Like technically this one guy is, but he's lived in Miami his whole life. Like the woman is not from there at all.

[00:23:08] She just works at a museum. These two people don't have any connection to this culture and this form and this whole thing, this whole line of people that we're supposed to care about. And because of that, what happens for the rest of the movie is rendered completely useless.

[00:23:26] And they try like Brand says to throw things at us. There's George the boss. And we're just like, this guy's not a human being. There's these two people who are just pulling for democracy for the way I understand it. It was a mess.

[00:23:40] It was a mess of a movie. It's one of the worst. Bad disguise is funny. The bad disguise is, I don't think they were initially supposed to be funny though. I think it was always supposed to be funny. You think so? I think so.

[00:23:53] Because they were so like over the top. Yeah. Yeah, I think it was supposed to be funny. Dan, I know you haven't seen Gran Turismo. I can't believe you haven't seen Gran Turismo. Which movie do you think is better, Gran Turismo or this one? Oh, Gran Turismo.

[00:24:06] The racing scenes alone. The preview for Gran Turismo is better than this movie. Yeah. I mean, it's got Hopper in it. Yeah. That's all you need. Freaking love Hopper, man. I can tell. Hell boy. Remember when he was hell boy? Yeah. You do.

[00:24:21] That didn't go well for him. No. Did they? Hopper needs to, he's got a lane. Yeah. David Harbour's got a lane he needs to stay in. It's a great lane. It's a great lane. He's unbelievable. Man, let him dance to music in a cabin. Am I right boys?

[00:24:35] Yeah, you are. I'm sorry. Time for all the feels before we talk about what in this movie gave us those feels. Brian? Yeah, I guess I'm going with baseball feels. At least this was- How dare you? How dare you? Let me finish. At least they-

[00:24:52] Act as though anything in this movie has anything to do with baseball. At least it's the season of baseball. Champions baseball stars. He wears a shirt that says Champions Baseball Stars. He's a sight. And he has multiple colors on it. Yeah.

[00:25:05] And then he has one jersey and it just says California. He did have the California jersey. It is not baseball. Pretty good. It is not baseball. I think it was California Little League. Pretty good team. Champions Baseball Stars. At least it's baseball season. It is baseball season.

[00:25:18] And they picked a sport where it's like, okay, at least we're in season. It was embarrassing, the baseball in this movie, explaining, like, everybody knows what baseball is. We didn't need to hear about it.

[00:25:31] I guess I started thinking about going to some games, some drive games, some day games. You know, like that's fun. And so I got a little bit of like, okay, baseball season coming feels. But nothing to do with the baseball in the movie. Baseball season coming feels. Yeah.

[00:25:45] Yeah. We've seen the big reveal on a lot of different ways in these movies. We've seen the crowd part, a personal favorite. We've seen their off side of the stage. They come on stage with somebody. Yeah. Maybe they spot them in the back somewhere. This is the first.

[00:26:07] 200 yards away behind a fountain. This is the first poke your head around behind the old fountain that's way in the distance. It's the first time I've seen that. And I just want to say big ups to, you know, for however many movies we've done here, first

[00:26:23] I've seen of that. And that's good. That's good. That's good. That's new. That's fresh. And that's what we're doing. Behind the fountain feels real. That was a stretch everybody reach. It's new that that is. Have you seen it? No, it's because it's absurd. She's barely in the shot.

[00:26:45] I didn't say it was good. Okay. I just said it was new. So every time we see something new we can have in regards to the big, the big reveal a lot of Royal movies.

[00:26:56] I've never seen a Royal movie make up a country and then have someone not from that country be the expert on that country that teaches the person from that country how to act. It feels good. That was fresh out there, man. Quality. You want to try again?

[00:27:13] No, I mean, I got more. I got a baseball feels. Yeah. Let me try again. Okay. Anything new? Anything new in this one? Oh, engraved baseball bat feels. Oh, kind of related to baseball, but yeah, we'll give it to you.

[00:27:29] We'll be back after this with the way one, the one, the hallmark here on. Can you imagine being in a D box for Gran Turismo? Oh, that would be, that would be unbelievable. Regal. We don't have one nearby. We don't. The 40X. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:27:58] They called the D box. Some people call the D box. Some people don't. There are two different things. There's 40X and there's D box, but both of you sit in the seat and the seat moves with the movie. Yeah.

[00:28:09] We got, we got into the D box at Kansas city for four versus Ferrari. It was one of my favorite movie going experiences ever. Gran Turismo on the D box would be unbelievable. There's a lot of racing in that movie. So what? Yeah. There's racing in Gran Turismo.

[00:28:22] There's a pretty good CRASH too. I don't want to spoil it for Dan. He won't pick up on that. Don't worry about it. Crizzas. You're right. Nope. You're going to have to see the movie. You're going to have to see it.

[00:28:34] It's time for the way, what is where we talk about what in this movie made us go. What if there was a D box for this movie? Well, what would it be? Still stationary. Still stationary. Yeah, it doesn't move once.

[00:28:45] Every seat for this movie is a D box. Yeah. Yeah. Brian, anyway, what's for you? I mean, he was watching replays of games from the nineties under the Toronto Blue Jays dome.

[00:28:55] It was the Yankees in the Sky Dome and it was on a TV screen that had it at four three. Yes. Like it was not. It was brutal. It was real tough out there. Just put on like SportsCenter or something like it.

[00:29:09] Like you don't need these fake games. No. And him giving the tacos to the unhoused was quite cringey. Like. It's one of the worst scenes in movie history. Completely unnecessary. Like, okay, you want to show he's dynamic and he like cares about the game.

[00:29:24] And he like cares about people. It's like, do something else. It was, that was tough to watch. But here's the thing is that scene starts with him on the phone. Yes. Ordering. Yes. Can I get 15 tacos all past door? Yes.

[00:29:36] And then he hangs up the phone and he looks at Angelica and he goes, they're not all for me. Some are for the homeless, but there's plenty if you want some. What are you talking about? And then he's just walking down the street handing out boxes of tacos.

[00:29:49] It was ridiculous. Esmond, the guy at the door, like wearing the janitor slash mechanic one piece. I not a doorman. Like I don't get doorman vibes at all from this guy. No, no, no, no, no, no. Very weird choice for the outfit. Like just did not make sense.

[00:30:07] Do we know what he does? Not a, do we know what Ramon does? No. He watches baseball and plays video games. I don't know. I don't know what he does. Maybe some Gran Turismo. Maybe some, yeah, racing. There are a few things.

[00:30:18] Like you said, Brandon, like this was knocking on the door of having some good, like they've could have added some things. No cigar. Exactly. No cigar. Like we didn't get a, like a series of him.

[00:30:28] I'd love to see how you, what would happen if there was a movie worse than this on what you would say in the hot take then. Sorry, go ahead. Yeah, you close, but no cigar. It was almost there. You need a couple more work throughs.

[00:30:38] Do you need to listen to yesterday's episode about a family Christmas secret? You loved that movie. I did. Yeah. You freaking love that movie. You take that over this any day of the week. Twice on Sunday. You know it. Yeah, no, you're right. You're right. Yeah.

[00:30:54] Can't help that. They could have done some stuff to make it more compelling. Like they could have done a better fitting scene, like him getting roiled up, like him getting his hair tripped, like getting cleaned up, doing stuff to make a really pushing the makeover montage.

[00:31:07] There was no makeover. I will say the end when he's cleaned up, but you don't see do we need to take you for a makeover montage? Oh, vlog at one time. The two main what's in this movie, there's pages of what's, but the two main what's in

[00:31:23] the movie are A, the person not from San Pablo is doing the makeover and B, maybe this is one A is there is no makeover. None. None. They don't do anything. He stops wearing a zip up hoodie. I wasn't saying that because you got one on.

[00:31:38] I do have one on. But I'm not a king. He stops wearing a zip up hoodie. Hey, how about that? I'm kidding y'all. Yeah. I'll never be a king. I think he's going to take over if you say about it. Get me my first flight there.

[00:31:49] So yeah, they don't do that stuff. We get it. The also like they could have done stuff like the baseball stuff was so lame, but there's so many things you can do with baseball that would have been more fun.

[00:32:01] Like have him throw out a pitch like a first pitch somewhere. Like have him do anything. Batting practice, like take him to a batting cage and have him be terrible. Like anything like this would have been more fun. Catch with David Harbour. Play catch with David Harbour. Absolutely.

[00:32:17] And he has to get it. Yeah. He picks anyone from the crowd to dance with. Like that just seems risky at your coronation to just be like, OK, have your pick of anyone in the crowd to waltz with. Listen, yeah, you can waltz with anyone. Yeah.

[00:32:29] You can leave your friends behind. Yeah, absolutely. You think David Harbour would if they were to remake rookie of the year, he'd be a rocket? It'd be a good rocket. He'd be a great rocket. I was just thinking about playing catch with him. You and Harper? Yeah.

[00:32:43] What I said, I was thinking about how fun that would be. And then I thought about him as the rock. I'm trying to make this movie of a better rocket. Yeah. And Harper, give me a second. I'm sure you come up with one.

[00:32:51] But man, that's a great rock. There's just but you can't there's no no kid alive today that could fill the fill the shoes of. Yeah. Of Thomas Nicholas. That's right. How dare you? Well, there's no kid. He's the manager of the team. No, that's right. That's the kid.

[00:33:05] The move. The kid that's the manager of the twins is League of my own or my own. Like it's not it's not rookie of the year. Rookie of the year. There's a movie where a kid is the manager of the twins. Oh, no, no, no.

[00:33:18] I'm saying you're saying today you don't do it right. You make that kid. He becomes the manager of the team. The story is just the wash up. Little Big League. Little Big League becomes the manager. Yeah. Little Big League. He's Mr. Managers. Twins. Angels in the outfield.

[00:33:33] That's a different is a different kids baseball movie. That's exactly right. Yes. It's gonna happen. So yeah. You can be outfielder rookie of the year. Got to pick one right now. Oh my gosh. I don't have to make this.

[00:33:43] I know my answer is to say, Brian, let me rewatch. I was in the outfield tonight. Right now. Yeah. No, tonight. Right now. Rookie of the year is a better movie. I stand by it. I'm going.

[00:33:55] I just watched Rookie of the Year because I didn't want to watch Dune and I will tonight instead of finishing. So it sits down to watch an Oscar movie and then he just watches Rookie of the Year or Gran Turismo.

[00:34:06] I've been watching Dune 10 minutes at a time for the past week. How's it going? I'm so bored. I told you you would be. I shouldn't have to work this hard. You're earning it. Do you know about the spices? Oh man. Are you kidding me right now?

[00:34:23] Give me that stuff. Do you snort the spice? I do whatever you want with the spice, right? I think it powers space travel. You don't actually ingest it. I don't think you snort it. I thought there was a high element. Maybe there is.

[00:34:38] I heard that space is the water of Earth. Water is the water of Earth, you dumbass. Is that San Paolo for stupid? I got a few. Ramones apartment is decorated like a 10 year old. There are literal baseball posters. It's just like, yay baseball. Like medals, little league trophies.

[00:35:06] This kid's 10. He's 10 and he's just never grown up and I love that. The restaurant that they go to at first, she says it has a dress code. I find that very hard to believe just based off of the general aesthetic of this restaurant

[00:35:23] and also the fact that it serves tacos. I've never been to a taco place that also has a dress code personally, but maybe it exists. Maybe. No way. A taco place that has a dress code? No way.

[00:35:36] If the taco place does make you have a dress code, there's no way that you're handing those tacos out for free because they're going to cost an arm and a leg. You can't have dress code plus taco and also give away those tacos for free.

[00:35:50] You can't do it. Can't do it. She plays a game on her phone for fun where she guesses the birthdays of Viking kings. No real anything to add, just that it happens. Quotes, here's a quote for you.

[00:36:10] We all know that your ideal date is a lecture on the Declaration of Independence and here is her reaction when he says that. Dude, she looks so into it. So excited. Full lip bite. Like it made me uncomfortable and I'm that guy.

[00:36:28] You're the guy giving the lecture on the Declaration of Independence. She's like, yes, Mr. Thompson. No, you don't want to laugh that badly. I can tell you that right now. Full lip bite. She is so into this idea.

[00:36:38] Last but not least, you can't pour a drink into a fake plant pot. You can't do that. You can. You can. It just won't go right out. It's coming in and it's just going to bloop and everyone's going to know what you've done. Dano?

[00:36:52] To show, first of all, there's so many baseball problems with this movie. They paint Miami out to be a big baseball town, which is great considering how the Marlins are notorious for not being able to put people in the stands.

[00:37:04] No one wants to go to a Marlins game. Even when the team is good, they don't want to go to a game. And then consequently, they also make San Pablo, this nation in Europe, out to be this massive baseball town.

[00:37:16] So screw soccer, I think is what we're all saying. And then for the dude, the first time you meet him, he's watching TV and he goes, don't get off third base. He's going to catch you.

[00:37:30] And then we see the screen and this dude slides into second base, clearly second base. And then you go back to him and he goes, told you. What? What are we doing? I don't know. I don't know what we're doing. Did I say third?

[00:37:44] They had this thing where he has to eat this empanada in front of the king. I guess he needs to part of their culture is you got to finish the empanada.

[00:37:51] I don't know what it is, but to try to stop him, they put hot sauce all over the empanada. And the way they do that is, is the nefarious woman opens up the empanada as it has not

[00:38:01] been deep fried and squirts hot sauce all in it and then closes it. That's not an empanada. That's just a taco at that point. It isn't, it isn't an empanada. One of my favorite parts of this movie is at the very end.

[00:38:17] In one year, there were three movies about kid playing baseball in the major leagues. Yeah. Yeah. Little big league rookie of the year. And Kathy says little big league over angels in the outfield and that is absolute garbage. Do you know why I know that Kathy's?

[00:38:30] Because I saw all three when they came out, I was 10 or 11 and I couldn't remember the title of little big league. What a year that was. That movie isn't even close to the other two. What a year that was for kids. Rookie or angel.

[00:38:42] One of those come out in 93. Rookie of the year was first. Then I believe angels in the outfield and then little big league. Angels and little big league both came out in 94. Yes. That's a massive 12 month period. Yeah. What a time. What a time. What about Sandlot?

[00:38:54] Sandlot was 93. Sandlot was 93? Yep. Sandlot maybe, maybe the best of them. Maybe. Well here's the thing. I think so. This is, this is kids. We got to start making movies about kids playing professional sports again. What are we doing here? What a time to be alive.

[00:39:09] What are we doing here? Well the thing is, is that can we write this now? Can we be done with this and go write it now? Yeah, let's stop. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Sandlot wouldn't fall into that category. Cause they didn't play professional. That's right.

[00:39:18] The rest of those movies were all kids playing professional baseball or being on the team in some form or fashion. He ends up on the team in Sandlot. Spoiler alert. Bethann McGraw-Smith has the correct ranking of those three movies. It's not even close. Rookie, angels, and little big.

[00:39:25] Yeah. Little big. Final answer. Little big. But Sandlot. Payback for me saying little big is trust. Yes, Aaron. That's fair. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure.

[00:39:41] I'm just going to bring some DTH business to the table here. Holly has still not seen rookie of the year, has not seen Sandlot, and made some weird comment in the chat about how she's too busy watching toenail videos. Should we kick her out? Absolutely. All in favor.

[00:39:58] I think you reported Meredith instead of Holly. It was... Whoops. I'll go back. And I'll just, I'll keep, keep Meredith reported. Won't undo that. No. Also report Holly. time of the double-decker, gramblejamplus.com. Unless you have any of those opinions then...

[00:40:13] I can't believe they all came out within a year of each other. That's amazing. They did it. Some might say it's too many. No. Some might. They're wrong. It's phenomenal. You want me to keep going or just shut it down, Brian?

[00:40:24] I think we got them. And more or less. Do you have like one more good one? I do. Okay, go. This guy who's been trying to get the crown or democracy for the whole movie, they find out what he's been trying to do at the very end.

[00:40:36] And the king pulls him aside and you think he's going to be like, you're under arrest or maybe, hey, we don't really... You're no longer in the royal family. And I think all those would have been normal responses and we wouldn't have blinked an eye.

[00:40:49] But do you know what old King of San Pablo does? He banishes him from the kingdom like it is the Middle Ages. He looks at this human being and goes, you're banished from the kingdom. Yeah.

[00:41:01] What? Is this the Lord of the Rings? Why are you banished from the kingdom? Anything else would be fine but that. That's all I got. It's time for what's up. Sorry, not got any questions that we still have and we'd like some answers too.

[00:41:19] Brian, what are you still wondering about? The whole time I was just wondering like, what does Ramon do? Yeah. Like what is his life? What do you do? What is his deal? Is he just wealthy because he comes from royalty and...

[00:41:32] I mean, he stays in an apartment with a doorman. Yeah. I mean, come on. That keeps anybody from seeing him. That's right. I don't understand his deal. I feel like we need to know a lot more about him because I didn't care when I realized we

[00:41:45] didn't know anything about him and he didn't care about being a king. I'm just like, I don't care about this guy at all anymore. Maybe he's a certain towel boy in Miami. That's what it took for you, huh? Yeah.

[00:41:55] Um, I got one. She's giving him a, you know, I don't know if you remember, she works at the, uh, Yeah, the Royal Museum of History. Royal Museum. Uh, and she's giving him the tour and they get to the San Pablo corner

[00:42:09] and she's talking about King Enrique, uh, Enrique and, uh, Blair and, uh, and she says King Enrique, That was an accident. King Enrique was famous for his limp. I can't feel a thing. He was great. Thank you. He's famous for his limp and then just moves on.

[00:42:35] And like, I, like what happened? Why? Like, that's the thing he was famous for was, was his limp. So like probably a pretty like uneventful term for him as king, but that must have been something

[00:42:50] that happened or whatever that along the way that made it, that is his defining characteristic. It's his limp. You know about the limb. I would love to know more about King Enrique. Uh, Dana,

[00:43:02] This is easily the one that, that should have been on everybody's list, which is she's talking to her BFF in the office, Royal Museum, history, Royal, that thing. Uh, and she's telling her

[00:43:12] that the first date with George didn't go well. And her BFF is like, Hey, my first date with my husband, I lit him on fire with a sparkler. How, what first date included a sparkler?

[00:43:27] What lighting someone on fire with a sparklers actually really impressive. Yeah. Cause it's just spark. That's it. And I feel like we needed, we would, we deserve, how long do you have to hold

[00:43:39] this up to somebody that was on fire? Yeah. I must add a little gas or propane on them or something. Bring one in. Yeah. We did everybody. Congratulations. Brian's first up TV movie is in

[00:43:52] the books. I got a big rest of the week air. Everybody. We got, uh, the way homes coming up tomorrow. We got a little something we like to call deck the life. Tom and corn.

[00:44:04] It's happening. We've got an interview on Friday. It's going to be a lot of fun, a lot of fun this week until then maybe the first of which you aim. Merry Christmas. The bramble jam podcast is produced by Aaron Shea. For more information on deck, the Homer,

[00:44:17] you can go to deck, the hallmark.com for more information on the deck, the Hallmark family. You can go to bramble jam plus.com deck. The Hallmark is presented by philo TV for a free

[00:44:25] trial of philo. Go to philo.tv slash DTH. You're about to hear some ads that help keep the lights on here in the old studio. Thanks for listening or don't listen. It's really up to you at this

[00:44:43] point. Is that the end of the show? I mean, you're listening to me high, but here they come. I promised her. Come. Yep. Here they are. Happy day.