BONUS: Finding Mr. Christmas: Episode 4 & 5 Reactions! (Feat. Alonso Duralde & Dave White)

[00:00:05] Welcome everybody, Alonso Duralde, Dave White. We're here with episodes 4 and 5 of Finding Mr. Christmas. You know why? Currently streaming on Hallmark Plus. Cliffhangers. Two-parters. Yes, this wound up being a cliffhanger for reasons that pretty much tie into the guy with the detached retina. He's got a name, I can never remember what it is. Daxton. No, that was it. Really? Alright, Daxton. Dax.

[00:00:33] You know what? I hope he's healing well. Indeed, yes. Yes, all love to his eye. So yeah, Episode 4, The Talented Mr. Christmas, which you know, we love a reality show that's named for a novel and a movie about a vicious gay guy who will kill anyone who gets in his way. There needs more of that energy on this show, frankly. But this is the one where they have to run the obstacle course after cutting down a Christmas tree. Oh, so much happens.

[00:01:02] Okay, so have you seen the Saw movies? I have. And so what happens is in a Saw movie, you have to do an impossible task or you are tortured to death.

[00:01:17] So they skip right to the torturing to death part for this episode. And they put an actual Saw in a block of ice and everyone's got the sledgehammer of the Saw out of the ice. And then they've got to cut down a tree.

[00:01:31] We crafty guys will pick a little skinny tree and saw the skinny tree and unthoughtful people pick a big trunk and try to handsaw a big trunk. And you know what happens? You lose that thing.

[00:01:47] Mind you.

[00:01:47] You need to take the tree.

[00:01:49] Wait, wait, wait, wait. Mind you, all of the trees are surrounded by fake snow.

[00:01:52] No. So everybody's slipping and sliding with hacksaws in their hands.

[00:01:56] Yeah.

[00:01:57] Like that's a lawsuit waiting to happen.

[00:01:59] Yeah.

[00:02:00] They all signed it wherever.

[00:02:02] It is not the fancy fish ice you get in some of these.

[00:02:04] This is like soap suds.

[00:02:06] So they are like just a slipping and a sliding and a sawn.

[00:02:09] And then once those guys do manage to get their tree down.

[00:02:12] Then they run through an obstacle course of crisscross Christmas lights.

[00:02:15] And then they got to put it in a sleigh and carry it up a sleigh.

[00:02:18] Pull the sleigh.

[00:02:18] Like a reindeer.

[00:02:19] Yeah.

[00:02:20] But then only one of them thinks, hey, what if I.

[00:02:23] Go backwards.

[00:02:23] What if I go backwards for traction?

[00:02:26] Smart.

[00:02:27] Smart.

[00:02:27] So you got to be.

[00:02:28] This is what separates the Mr. Christmases from the not Mr. Christmases.

[00:02:32] Right.

[00:02:32] And so anyway, then as soon as they're done with that, they have to go through an E! News interview.

[00:02:38] No, no, no.

[00:02:38] You skipped the talent show.

[00:02:41] There's a talent show.

[00:02:42] And then the E! News interview.

[00:02:44] All right.

[00:02:45] So there's a talent show.

[00:02:47] There's so much entertainment going on that I can't keep it all straight.

[00:02:50] You know, this is a show where, again, only one of these guys is actually an actor.

[00:02:55] And that, of course, is Elijah from Hamilton.

[00:02:58] So he does a rap because, you know, he toured for five years in Hamilton.

[00:03:02] In Hamilton, yeah.

[00:03:03] And the other guys do a mix of things.

[00:03:05] Obviously, who's Hayden?

[00:03:09] The Crying Australian does a lot of magic shows for kids.

[00:03:12] Or he hasn't done in two episodes, though.

[00:03:14] Cry.

[00:03:14] Cry.

[00:03:15] Yes.

[00:03:15] But he'll always be the Crying Australian.

[00:03:17] Yeah.

[00:03:17] He does a magic act that wows the crowd.

[00:03:22] Blake wisely picks a grandma from the crowd to do a two-step with because, you know, when

[00:03:29] you're doing stage work, you always want to pick the, like, game, spunky older lady in

[00:03:34] the audience so that everybody else in the audience can read themselves into her experience.

[00:03:38] He also put some thought into his onstage presentation because he did a little dance with the older woman

[00:03:45] in a pair of Wrangler jeans.

[00:03:47] Ah, yes.

[00:03:48] Wrangler jeans are magical.

[00:03:51] If you spend any time in Texas, I grew up part of my life there, you know what happens

[00:04:00] when a man puts on a pair of Wrangler jeans.

[00:04:03] This is a family video.

[00:04:04] They make you...

[00:04:05] I'm going to explain.

[00:04:05] They make you into a merry gentleman, let's just say.

[00:04:08] Everything, yeah.

[00:04:10] So then the other talents include Ezra bartending while rollerblading and doing the splits.

[00:04:18] Shaking his little butt for the camera, too.

[00:04:21] Splits are hard enough.

[00:04:23] Splits on rollerblades, that is degree of difficulty 10.

[00:04:29] Jonathan jumps a lot and lands on things.

[00:04:32] Yeah, I didn't understand.

[00:04:33] Which I guess because he was an athlete.

[00:04:35] Parker has, in my estimation, the most practical talent.

[00:04:39] Well, sure.

[00:04:39] He folds a fitted sheet.

[00:04:41] Yes.

[00:04:41] And if you can't do that, then you don't deserve to be a part of the Crown Media Network.

[00:04:48] This is true.

[00:04:48] And so, in my heart, he wins this whole competition.

[00:04:52] Brandon, Daniel, can you fold a fitted sheet?

[00:04:55] Yeah.

[00:04:57] I can.

[00:04:58] Alonzo can.

[00:04:59] Did you learn from me or who told you?

[00:05:01] No, I went into this relationship knowing that.

[00:05:03] Did you already know who?

[00:05:03] I did.

[00:05:04] Yeah.

[00:05:05] I don't remember that.

[00:05:06] I don't know that I do it as well as, you know, like with the Marshall way.

[00:05:09] I did teach him how to iron his own shirts.

[00:05:11] This is true.

[00:05:11] This is true.

[00:05:12] He did not do that when I met him.

[00:05:14] But then, after doing their onstage shenanigans comes the Ambush E interview.

[00:05:20] Right.

[00:05:20] And they all blow it.

[00:05:21] Particularly Parker, who just gave you a triumphant sheet folding exercise.

[00:05:26] Yeah.

[00:05:27] And then he's just a sort of like, you know, my wife, like over and over again, which apparently

[00:05:33] is not good.

[00:05:34] I don't understand the rules, really.

[00:05:38] E-Lady talks about how the Hallmark guys need to sort of, you know, work the fantasy that,

[00:05:43] you know.

[00:05:43] That they're gettable.

[00:05:44] That the viewer at home, yes, exactly.

[00:05:46] Right.

[00:05:46] You know.

[00:05:47] And so, you know, mention her once, sure.

[00:05:49] But, like, that was kind of his go-to.

[00:05:51] He's a wife dad.

[00:05:53] What do we call these guys?

[00:05:54] A wife guy.

[00:05:55] A wife guy.

[00:05:55] He's a wife guy.

[00:05:56] He's a wife guy.

[00:05:57] And so that doesn't go well.

[00:05:58] So Parker gets, is going to be sent home for the holidays and to take down his stocking.

[00:06:05] But.

[00:06:06] Twist.

[00:06:07] Because of Detached Retina Guy, they have an extra week to eat.

[00:06:10] His name is Dax.

[00:06:12] Dax.

[00:06:12] And so Jonathan Bennett tells the other five guys, it's up to you.

[00:06:18] If you want to save Parker, you can.

[00:06:21] Well, this is a Hallmark Plus reality show where everybody's going out of the way to

[00:06:25] be as nice as possible.

[00:06:26] So, surprise.

[00:06:27] Cliffhanger.

[00:06:28] They save him.

[00:06:29] Parker gets a second chance and vows to destroy all of them.

[00:06:32] Yes.

[00:06:33] He'll make them pay for their generosity.

[00:06:35] And then Jonathan Bennett says, welcome back to the Yuletide Yard.

[00:06:38] Now, I can't quite remember if there was a specific destination already mentioned called

[00:06:44] the Yuletide Yard.

[00:06:45] Or if he's making it up as it goes along.

[00:06:47] But there is now.

[00:06:47] And then they do a challenge.

[00:06:50] Oh, yeah.

[00:06:51] That I still don't understand.

[00:06:53] It is absolutely incomprehensible.

[00:06:55] Okay.

[00:06:56] They have giant sponges that look like marshmallows.

[00:06:59] Right.

[00:07:00] And they have what we're, first we're showing these boiling cauldrons of hot cocoa, which

[00:07:04] seem like someone's going to get scarred from this.

[00:07:07] I think that was a, I think that was a, that's a visual.

[00:07:09] That's B-roll.

[00:07:10] Yeah.

[00:07:11] Yeah.

[00:07:11] Because by the time they're doing the thing, the water is clearly tepid.

[00:07:14] Right.

[00:07:14] So one Mr. Christmas candidate has to absorb as much brown, gross cocoa water into his big

[00:07:22] white marshmallow sponge, squeeze it into his teammates' big white sponge marshmallow,

[00:07:28] and then that goes into another cup that is close to the top.

[00:07:32] And the first person who gets their cocoa high enough to the marshmallow start spilling out

[00:07:36] is the winner.

[00:07:37] It takes everybody a minute to figure out, oh, wait, my sponge will absorb more if I compress

[00:07:42] it first and then open it while the other dude is dumping water into it.

[00:07:47] Right.

[00:07:47] Fun with physics.

[00:07:48] But they do finally get it.

[00:07:50] It's very close.

[00:07:51] And then eventually it is won by Hayden and Blake.

[00:07:55] Somebody on gummies thought of that challenge.

[00:07:58] That challenge made no sense whatsoever.

[00:08:01] And it looks weird when they're doing it.

[00:08:02] And you're like, okay, what if he just squeezes liquid from one sponge into another sponge?

[00:08:07] And then they have to run.

[00:08:08] And then they have to dunk.

[00:08:09] And then they have to overflow.

[00:08:11] And real marshmallows are flying everywhere.

[00:08:14] To their credit, Jonathan Bennett and Melissa Peterman do really good play-by-play of this.

[00:08:20] They do.

[00:08:20] They do.

[00:08:21] Can we just take another moment here?

[00:08:23] Yes.

[00:08:26] This is actually a showcase for Jonathan Bennett.

[00:08:29] Oh, yeah.

[00:08:29] Jonathan Bennett is running this whole situation.

[00:08:33] First of all, another good sweater that Alonzo covets.

[00:08:37] But like, he's into it.

[00:08:42] He's not making it about himself.

[00:08:45] He's not being ironic about it.

[00:08:47] He's not being ironic about it.

[00:08:48] He's like on point the whole time as a host.

[00:08:52] And I want to see him in real life unseat Ryan Seager.

[00:08:56] Yes.

[00:08:57] Take him out, Jonathan Bennett.

[00:08:58] We need a game in that chair to run media.

[00:09:03] Yes.

[00:09:04] So I'm rooting for Mr. Bennett.

[00:09:08] Anyway, continue.

[00:09:09] Do it for all of us.

[00:09:10] So, all right.

[00:09:11] So they get the advantage going into the star quality thing.

[00:09:16] All of you.

[00:09:17] This week, it's improv.

[00:09:19] And improv is hard to watch when professionals are doing it.

[00:09:23] No, it's not, Oprah.

[00:09:26] So, you know, the contestants are all real game.

[00:09:29] And some of them are better at it than others.

[00:09:32] Yeah.

[00:09:34] Blake and Hayden actually nail it pretty well.

[00:09:37] Elijah, of course.

[00:09:38] I don't know if you heard, but he toured for five years in Hamilton.

[00:09:42] He nails it as well.

[00:09:43] Well, other folks don't quite pick up on the thing of, you know, yes ending and moving it forward and playing off of what the other person is giving you.

[00:09:52] So Melissa Peterman and guest, special guest BJ Britt, who was Jonathan Bennett's co-star from the Groomsman movies, are giving a lot and not always getting it back.

[00:10:02] Here's my favorite part of this.

[00:10:04] Okay.

[00:10:04] Okay.

[00:10:05] Mr. Bennett is there saying, giving each person their character.

[00:10:10] Yes.

[00:10:10] Giving them a motivation for how they are to work through the scene.

[00:10:14] And a thing they have to do when they hear a bell ring.

[00:10:16] Yes.

[00:10:16] But that's less important than this part.

[00:10:19] This part is they walk right up to Jonathan Bennett and Jonathan Bennett says, hey.

[00:10:24] He'll make up an end.

[00:10:25] Hey, Blake.

[00:10:27] Hey, Blake.

[00:10:28] How is that local tree farm that you own?

[00:10:32] And okay.

[00:10:36] So every morning I go to the West Hollywood Aquatic Center to do physical therapy for my recently installed hip replacement surgeries.

[00:10:44] I'm moving like crazy.

[00:10:46] And I go with my friend, my local friend, Gary.

[00:10:48] And we drive there together.

[00:10:50] And on the way to the pool this morning, we were personally improv-ing that local tree farm that we own.

[00:10:59] And here is what, if they had been, all of them on their game for improv.

[00:11:05] And by the way, none of them were on their game for improv.

[00:11:09] I am actually a stupid person and I could improv better than them.

[00:11:12] And I proved it this morning in the car.

[00:11:14] Gary said, hey, Dave, how's that local tree farm that you own?

[00:11:17] I said, well, we're on hard times.

[00:11:19] And I sure do wish someone, a rich billionaire from the city would come in and help us some way and revive the town.

[00:11:26] Turn it into a parking lot.

[00:11:27] Here comes the evil billionaire, you know, Mr. Potter coming in.

[00:11:32] I'm going to own this whole town.

[00:11:35] And then I turned to Gary and I said, hey, how's that bakery, that local bakery that you own?

[00:11:42] And he said, well, you know, when I took it out of the hands of my parents because of their ailing health, I had to run it myself.

[00:11:51] And, you know, the insurance companies are breathing down their neck because they're not going to fund their hip replacement surgeries.

[00:11:57] And, you know, the whole place is a disaster.

[00:12:00] And what we agreed upon as improvers is that only a socialist utopia will make a Hallmark Christmas movie actually good and relevant.

[00:12:13] And scene.

[00:12:15] So Parker ruins it again.

[00:12:17] Yes.

[00:12:18] And gets kicked off.

[00:12:19] Elijah wins the movie.

[00:12:20] Without being saved this time.

[00:12:21] And then the fox from Lars von Trier's Antichrist comes out and says, chaos reigns.

[00:12:26] And B.J. Britt, bless his heart, gives Parker a big hug and reassurance.

[00:12:30] Even though they met hours earlier, B.J. Britt is invested and committed in this whole thing.

[00:12:36] And so, you know, points to him for really getting it.

[00:12:40] He's the real Mr. Christmas that we found along the way, I think.

[00:12:44] So, yeah.

[00:12:46] We proceed apace.

[00:12:47] I don't know how many more of these there are.

[00:12:49] Five-ish.

[00:12:50] Who knows?

[00:12:51] There are five men left.

[00:12:52] Right.

[00:12:52] But there's going to be like, they're going to get it out of the last two or three.

[00:12:56] Okay.

[00:12:56] So we've got like two or three more episodes.

[00:12:58] Yeah.

[00:12:58] Anyway, we'll be back with more.

[00:13:00] Thanks for watching as always.

[00:13:01] And until next time, Merry Christmas.

[00:13:04] Sure.

[00:13:11] You're about to hear some ads that help keep the lights on here in the old studio.

[00:13:17] Thanks for listening or don't listen.

[00:13:19] It's really up to you at this point.

[00:13:22] It's at the end of the show.

[00:13:23] I mean, you're listening to me.

[00:13:25] Hi.

[00:13:25] But here they come.

[00:13:26] I promise they're coming.

[00:13:27] Yep.

[00:13:28] Here they are.

[00:13:29] Happy day.