Christmas Under Construction (Renovation Romance)

[00:00:00] Hi, I'm Brian. Hi, I'm Dan. Big news today, folks. Hallmark released a movie called Christmas Under Construction. Completely new. And we're going to review it. That's right. Except it isn't completely new. And we already have reviewed it. That's right. With Alonzo Duraldi. And it was called Renovation Romance. But we promise you it's the same movie. Daniel Lissing, Jessica Lounge, the TV show, The Cabin, the whole deal. Yes. Now, I'm not going to assume that you listened to that review from a random Hulu movie.

[00:00:30] That's not fair. We're not going to assume that. No. But I am going to assume you may have watched it on Hallmark Channel for the first time and wondered, what do the boys think about it? Well, here's the episode. Just know, anytime we say Renovation Romance, what we really mean is Christmas Under Construction. That's right. Yeah. So. Hear one, think the other. Aside from that, everything else is applicable. Here's the episode.

[00:00:59] This is a Bramble Jam Podcast. Hi, I'm Bran and I love Jessica Lounge. And you were worried about me. Christmas movies? I don't know. I'm Dan and I despise Hulu Christmas movies? I'm Alonzo and it's the December Bride Reunion Nobody Wanted. And this is the Deck the Hallmark Podcast.

[00:01:30] Deck the Hallmark, it's this podcast. Friends host this podcast. We hope you like this jolly podcast. Oh boy. Can we say now that if Lissing and Lounge do a movie together, we have to record with Alonzo in person? Yeah. Is that the news? Yeah, that is a tradition now. Because we've done that for both of these movies. It's true.

[00:01:59] Those are the rules. We don't make them. Right. We just don't break them. But it has to be in a city where neither of us live. No, no. Because y'all came to LA. That's right. Now I'm here in Greenville. So the next one has to be, you know, live at ChristmasCon or something. I don't know. There you go. We'll go to Cleveland. Sure. Listen, Lounge movie. Today we're talking about Renovation Romance, the Hulu movie. I honestly, I don't know if this aired anywhere. I don't know. It would be weird for this movie not to have been on some TV somewhere.

[00:02:28] But it definitely has been on Hulu since November 1st of 2024. What happened after that? Who can say? But shall we dive into it? Oh, why not? Let's do it. It originally dropped on the Hulu November 1st of 2024. It dropped. And it went a little something like this. We all knew it was there. Speaking of dropping, we are dropped right into an episode of Renovation Romance. That's the name of the movie. Chelsea hosts this show that renovates a house

[00:02:57] and helps a couple at the same time. Because how better to bring a couple together than by renovating a house? She hosts a show with her boyfriend, Jake. The season just wrapped and they are about to go on a little vacation. But uh-oh, there's an opportunity in New Hampshire for a special Christmas live episode hosted by her. Chelsea really wants to time off, but Jake is like, this could be huge for us.

[00:03:27] We can't say no to this. She's gonna say no, though, until Executive Dan... What? ...comes by and is like, I'll make a big donation to your charity. And she is in. So off to New Hampshire, they go to meet with the unhappy couple Cooper and Janice. Janice. They can go... They cannot agree on what to do with this cabin. He's a country mouse.

[00:03:56] She's a city girl. They have different ideas, different dreams for what they're gonna do here. So, they're talking about the hot country mouse all the way home. Turns out that country mouse was their driver. Whoopsie daisies. Uh... They get to the first day of shooting and Janice immediately is uncomfortable about talking about their relationship on national TV. So, she leaves. Uh...

[00:04:23] Cooper's like, hey, that's kind of the whole point of the show. Uh... And she's like, I didn't want to do this to begin with. I'm going to New York for a couple days to clear my head. Jake is like, well, I mean, I gotta go to New York, too, for some meetings so I could film some stuff there, uh... With her, and it could maybe be a part of the show. I don't know. Chelsea's like, fine. I'll stay here with Cooper if I have to. Uh... And the chemistry with Cooper and Chelsea is off the charts.

[00:04:52] They are really sizzling. And everyone is talking about it. All the people behind the camera are like, my goodness, you two. Um... They just keep flirting. They keep having a fun time. To make matters worse, the tabloids are about to run a story that involves Chelsea and Jake having relationship problems. But where's this information coming from? Where'd they get that picture? Who's the mole? Yeah. Uh... What character is otherwise extraneous? Yes.

[00:05:21] Janice makes it... Scooby-Doo episode? Janice... It was Mr. Clarence all along. Janice makes it back, and her and Cooper talk about their relationship, and they decide that we're gonna put in the work. We're gonna do this thing. And they tell that to Chelsea and Jake, and Chelsea's kinda sad. You can see the sadness in her eyes. Uh... It's about time for the live Christmas Eve special, and Chelsea decides that now is the right time to dump Jake.

[00:05:47] Jake, what better time to break up with your boyfriend that you do a TV show with than before you go on live TV? Can you imagine Chip and Joanna Gaines, Bran? You know them! You know them! You can pick them out of a lineup! I could not pick them out of a lineup, and I found this out, and that was a big deal. Just look for yourself and pick it out. Bran thinks that my wife and I are like Chip and Joanna Gaines in how we look, and that's a crazy take, in my opinion. I also couldn't pick them out of a lineup. Thank God! See?

[00:06:17] That's why we got this guy here. But Chip is now officially an ally to the LGBTQ plus reader. Exactly right. We were just talking about it. Points to Chip. And it took him so long when he got here. He did. He did. It took him a long... And I found that information out by accident. Yeah. For the Philo Deep Dive. Listen, we're all... I covered that show. We're all learning. We're all growing, you know what I mean? We're all learning and growing. Never too late to celebrate. Never too late to celebrate. Never too late to celebrate. Chip Gaines is now and holla.

[00:06:50] Gay couple on the frontier. Boom! I'm going to watch that show. It sounds really... Joe and Jason, and they are... I'm fascinated to see how they do on the frontier. You love the frontier? Dan loves the frontier show. It's a great show. And they are the most tech... I don't know how they're going to do it. You can check it out right here on Philo. That's right. So Janice makes it... Oh, sorry. I already talked about that. Yeah, they break up. And, but as she walks off, we see that Jake has a ring. He was going to propose.

[00:07:18] We also find out that there's a guy. I think his name's Todd. Todd's the mall. Oh my God. Todd. He was Todd all along. But the director of the show saw Cooper talking to Todd. Oh no. So can we really trust Cooper? I don't know. On the show, Cooper and Janice are talking about how, you know, the show saved their relationship and blah, blah, blah.

[00:07:43] But then they ask Janice if she's ready to leave the big city full time and move into this cabin. And she cries and she says no. And then she breaks up with Cooper live on TV. It's a tough break. Tough break. Jake still decides he's going to propose to Chelsea on TV. It's okay though, because before getting down on a knee, he goes, it's for the show. Chelsea. It's a bit. It was a bit. Just loud enough for the mic to pick it up.

[00:08:12] Chelsea is looking at Cooper and cannot find it in herself to say yes. She says, no, Jake, I'm not going to. I'm not going to. We're actually at America. Jake and I are through. Move that. Bob. She gives a long speech about how America doesn't need to see everything tied up in a perfect bow. She dumps him like it was a Christmas Eve service. That's exactly right. That's exactly. If you're not in between. That's right. That's right.

[00:08:42] And so she goes outside. She talks to Cooper and she just point blanks. Ask him. And she point blank asks him. She point blanks. Ask him. Hey, are you helping the mole? And he's like, no, I'm not. She's like, good enough for me. They decide. She burned down the banana stand. Yep. Okay. They kiss. The director comes up or the executive Dan comes up and is like, you're really good on TV, Cooper. You should give me a call.

[00:09:09] And I guess those two lovebirds are going to stay together forever in this cabin and do TV. I don't know. And that, my friends, was Renovation Romance. We did it. Let's take a break. We're going to come back. We are going to break down Renovation Romance. You've asked for it. We're going to do it. We'll be right back. We're clamoring. Take the hallmark. America. America asked. Tom is the mole, not Todd. Todd and Tom, both of them.

[00:09:39] I don't trust you. They teamed up. I can't believe I messed up Tom's name. I just, he was so important. Look, we'll get letters. Yeah. Well, we will. People are going to be riding in the streets. Todd's people are going to reach out. Todd is going to be pissed. Let's get, let's get to Renovation Romance. We're going to start with a hot take. We're going to share exactly how we felt about this movie. We're not going to hold back. And I'm going to start with Alonzo in person today. What do you think of the latest Daniel Lissing and Jessica Lowndes movie that we get to see? Yes. Yes. Wow.

[00:10:09] Well, you know, I have come to a point with these movies where I'm willing to forgive them for not understanding how art works or how magazines work or how airports work. But when a movie doesn't understand how television works, I feel like that's an affront. Like everybody. I couldn't figure it out. Everybody involved in this movie works in television. They know how it works.

[00:10:33] And even if you're going to like stretch things a bit, you can't have a home renovation movie in a home that doesn't need renovating. Listen, it is the biggest way what it's so glaring it belongs in the hot take category. They have to literally wheel in walls to this movie for them to either knock down or paint because everything else about this cabin is already fine. And Alonzo's not exaggerating. It's like perfect, pristine cabin. Look at this gray drywall. Where did it come from?

[00:11:03] Somebody put it up overnight so they could tear it down. That's what happened. This cabin could be featured in the next copy of the Magnolia magazine. Yes. That's how good it is. Shout out. Shout out to new allies, Chip and Joanna. That's exactly right. That's exactly right. It has its own Pinterest page. So, yeah. So that's crazy. And then, I mean, look, I get obviously last year Hallmark gave us the Aaron Krakow Daniel Lissing reunion. And that's a million dollar idea.

[00:11:30] Was anybody clamoring for another Jessica Lowndes Daniel Lissing movie? I don't know that they were. Nah, man. And if they were, you know, thanks a lot. I hate this. Clearly it caught the eye of someone at Hulu that acquired it. Yeah, I guess. Like, you know, I mean, if this didn't air on any channel, that's got to tell you something. Yeah. Yeah, it's fine. You love these movies, man.

[00:11:57] You know, both of these two folks, they are fine here. And we've seen them before and they were fine then and they're fine now. It is like ridiculous. The cabin's just too nice and it's so distracting to this movie. I will say kudos to the movie, I think. I was pretty sure that Jake and Janice were going to, like, become a thing in New York. Like, I thought that's what they were setting up with.

[00:12:26] I'm going to New York with her and it's going to be great. I thought they were just going to, like, basically switch. That would have been better. Yeah, I don't know if it's kudos or not. It's just like. They did share a look at the end of the movie. Yeah. It's a little bit like that. I think you can tell there's a little something there. But, like, the movie, yeah, they send them off to New York. Oh, I'll shoot B-roll with her. And then we never see a second. Never see. No B-roll. No, no, no. But, yeah, it's not particularly good. It's not particularly bad.

[00:12:52] Like, maybe we're too close in proximity to A Fireman for Christmas for me to really give this movie what it deserves. But it's fine. It's fine. I wasn't excited when I watched it, but I also wasn't bored out of my mind. So it's right there. Dano? For our second Arrested Development reference of the day, the Bluth family builds a model home that is empty on the inside to try to sell it, which leads us to a great line by Joe Bluth, who says, don't you get it, Mikey? Nothing on the inside. And he points to his brain. That is this movie.

[00:13:21] The sum of the parts is zero. They have an idea that has been done a bunch, which is a couple here, a couple that's supposed to be together here, and they realize they kind of like each other. They also do a renovation plot line, which is something that's been done a bunch, but they don't do it. They don't actually do the thing. They put two bankable stars in this movie, and then they don't renovate a house. They don't do the legwork of switching these couples. They don't do any of it.

[00:13:48] It is unfortunately disappointing. Like, when you have those two leads, I do think you would hold it to some sort of standard for these movies. I think there's a place for Daniel Lessing and Jessica Lounds in this world, and I think they have enough fans. Going to ChristmasCon, I can tell you they have enough fans for them to be making these movies. I don't know what happened here. I don't know what happened. I don't know how it got to this network.

[00:14:15] I don't know how they spent a lot of time virtually doing nothing. Like, they are going through the motions here. There is nothing on the inside going on. It's very, very unfortunate. This is a bad movie. It's a real bad movie, and if we had not just watched Fireman for Christmas, I'd say it's a terrible movie. But we did just watch that. I will say that whatever movie there is here is because of the two of them. Correct. Heavy lifting with all their minds.

[00:14:39] But they don't even have, like, the way it is written, it is like they pitched the movie stars and we got this cool cabin. Now what? They're relying a lot on those two making eye contact. And those two know how to do that bit. Sure. Sure. And they're capable, but it's nothing else. It's like, come back to me. I'm going to think about this. What's crazy is I want Liam Neeson.

[00:15:08] Like, they know Liam Neeson can do this thing. Right. Where he's like, I've been given a specific set of skills. And Bran's going to line up for every single one of us. Right. Every single one of them. I love those skills. But sometimes those movies are really fun. And sometimes no one else has tried. It's just Liam has shown up. Right. Where's the check? Thank you. Back pocket. Here's your gun. And go. Go. Throat chop, gun, revenge. And that is, I think, what this feels like is we got everything. We just didn't do anything to make it actually sick. Yeah.

[00:15:39] I just wanted to double check that it didn't air anywhere. Because I was like, there's a chance this like slid into the gaff or something. No. Wow. Just nowhere. This movie just. How did Hallmark not acquire the thing? You know, my. Both of those actors acted on Hallmark last Christmas. This would be my theory on it. My guess is. It was no happy holiday. Yeah. My guess is this movie was made and probably gaff was going to take it.

[00:16:08] And then both of them were doing a Hallmark movie. And they're like, we don't want to touch it anymore. That would be my guess. I don't know. I mean, it's a Brad Cravoix joint. So yeah, a lot of this stuff does. My thing is, is that they're both going to be on Hallmark anyway. Hallmark could have taken this movie, aired it this July, gotten a million people to watch it easily. Everybody makes money. Why? Why didn't they do that? I don't know. Because they had four unwrapping movies. Stop. I don't even want to. Hey, I didn't make you rewatch them, Dan. No, no way.

[00:16:38] That and the Christmas Cruise off limits. There's a line. You can see all four of my drawings over there if you really want to sneak peek. You mean three? Three of my drawings. That's right. The third one. Yes. Right. Of course. Of course. I know you watched the first episode of the Christmas Cruise. Have you gone back? I watched the first 10 minutes of the first episode of Christmas Cruise. I couldn't take it anymore. Thank God you guys are doing the Lord's work here. And walking me through it.

[00:17:03] And to the guy on Instagram who keeps hyping us up and how much he loves us talking about Christmas Cruise. Thank you so much. Thank you so much. The most encouraging person in the world. And he has no name on his Instagram. He's zeroed out. It's a bot except for it's not. It's a real person. I thank you so much. Who continues to tell us it's the best thing we've ever done and it's genius and it's great. Thank you. He said the episodes needed to be at least 45 minutes long this week. That's what he said. I saw it. I don't know who you are, bro. You're so encouraging.

[00:17:32] So he wants more opinions from Bran and more art from Daniel. That's right. And it's not a take I thought I'd ever hear. That's my takeaway. Is this going to be our new thing? Stop it. You don't have to watch the movies anymore. Yeah, you're right. It's a lot of drawing. Don't tease him with a good time. He's just art. All right. Let's get to all the feels. It's a part time job, right? Just roll in and do the show. Where we talk about the feels and whatnot. Oh, I forgot all about the segment. My only feels for this was there are.

[00:18:01] And again, I'm kind of surprised this didn't wind up on Gaff because these are the movies where you get to play count the Christmas trees. Oh, my gosh. And and after you've counted them, they're going to add more of them. Count the fire codes that are broken. Oh, yeah. Good luck. You know, we talked about how like this is a renovation movie with no renovation. No, no, no. At the very end, there's an unveiling and the unveiling is of more Christmas decorations

[00:18:29] than there had already been at the beginning of the movie. So my feels was like, OK, I guess that's what we're doing here. My feels is the log cabin before and after. I don't really care. It's great to begin with. It's the same. Yes, it's great to begin with. I love a log cabin. This one looks beautiful and wonderful. And I'd like to stay. Maybe it's maybe it's on Airbnb. You think they're going to Airbnb it out? They just got to do. Got to. Got to. They got to. They got to. Do you got any feels? God, no.

[00:18:59] All right. We're right back. Absolutely not. Merry Christmas. That's the Hallmark. Saw that coming. Hi, everybody. Welcome back. We're talking renovation romance. It's time to get to the way. What is where we talk about what in this movie made us go away? And I'll start with you, Alonzo Duralde. Okay. So it's pretty obvious that Tom is our mole because he's literally the only character that is not doing anything else. That's right.

[00:19:26] But the first indication that we get that Tom is a monster is the fact that his mom runs a bed and breakfast and he eats every meal at the coffee place. Yep. Yep. Breakfast, lunch, and dinner. And his mom's standing right there while he says it. It's like, dude, come on. It's just offensive. That's yeah. Like, stop. You're, you're, you're, you're being cruel now.

[00:19:49] Um, yeah, we, we, we can pretty much tell that, that, uh, Jessica Lounds and Baxter are doomed from the get go. Of course. Everything about them is just, it's all wrong and none of it computes. I love the fact that she is both a relationship therapist and an interior designer. Uh, I would argue that all interior designers should also be couple therapists because this is a traumatic experience probably for anybody who tries to get a couple to agree on things.

[00:20:18] I would argue that in principle, she is both and in practice, she's neither, but that's neither here nor there. Yeah. One could argue. I don't think she's good at either of them, but yeah, you know, she does have the credentials at least. Um, one thing I do know from the few home renovation shows that I've watched is that while the renovation is taking place, the homeowners go stay in a hotel. That's exactly right. They don't get to see anything that's happening. Yeah. Much less knock down a wall or try to paint a wall. There are shows where this happens.

[00:20:47] I've watched there for the whole process. This is a thing. Okay. All right. Then they turn around and they say, he's going to be surprised by some of the finishing touches. Yeah. There's an unveiling at the end. You can't do both of those things. It is an either or. One hundred percent. It is an either or. So, I mean, the whole time they're like, at the end of the, the, the show, they're like, let's turn the lights on so they can see what it looks like in here. Guys, there are cameras on them. There have to be lights. They've already seen it.

[00:21:15] The show's actually exclusively in night vision. It's a choice safe. Oh my gosh. Take the goggles off. He's going to be so surprised. The, the, the, the, the, the, the, the phantom walls in question. So yeah, the first one gets knocked down with a sledgehammer. The second one, they are arguing over paint colors, which she, he tries to claim is like gold something. And she says it's poinsettia. They are literally painting with ketchup and mustard. Yeah.

[00:21:42] Like red, red, red, yellow, yellow, yellow. And the compromise is of course, green. Green. Yeah. That's how it works. Yeah. Not orange. Primaries. But I, I, it was like, are we painting McDonald's? I couldn't believe the, the, the, the colors they were, they were going to try and threaten us with a wall here. Um, this is another movie with a very, very tight deadline where everybody has time to do everything else on earth. Yeah, man. Go to the carnival and make cookies. You gotta do all the things. Yeah.

[00:22:11] Even though like it's, the clock's ticking guys, we gotta, gotta, things, things gotta get going. When they started decorating another tree in this movie, I, I, I lost it. Yeah. And if you lost it, if the king of Christmas over here, the whole body, the Hallmark Christmas Zaddy, is that what we're calling you? Oh, I thought that was the daddy. Oh, and I'm okay. Daddy and Zaddy. We're going on tour. If you, if you lost it on a, on a tree decoration, imagine how I felt. Indeed.

[00:22:41] Triggered. I'm sure. No doubt. Um, uh, they tell them that they, it would be really great if there could be a proposal in the episode because the last time the ratings spiked because of the surprise. And I don't know how ratings spike because of a surprise, because if people don't know what's happening, how would they then know to tune in? There is no worlds where, unless it was the ratings in streaming afterwards. Sure. And if they know that it's happening, then it's not a surprise anymore.

[00:23:10] It's not a surprise. You can't have both of those things. So yeah, it's Schrodinger's wedding proposal. Um, he, he, he, he trots out the big check to give her the big donation to her charity and says like, oh, the, the kids are going to have a great Christmas this year. It's Christmas Eve. Yep. Little late. Yeah. That Christmas is not going to be better this year. Next Christmas might be baller, but this Christmas is all but over at this point.

[00:23:36] Um, and, uh, there's a line where he, where, uh, when, when dude is trying to, uh, uh, propose to her on live television and he says that it's what every man in America wants. Uh, run that by Chip Gaines, will you? You're, you're on a home design show. You know better about what every man in America does and doesn't want. Chip Gaines really getting a lot of play and rightfully so. We love him. That's what I've learned. And Chip is here today.

[00:24:05] He says, yeah, what's going on guys? Um, the, when he says the line, uh, live on television, she says, what are you doing? And he says, I'm doing what every man in America wants to do. What is that supposed to mean? That every man in America wants to propose on live television or to her wants to propose to Jessica Lounge. There is no buckets that that fits.

[00:24:35] There's not enough, there's not enough clues in the sentence. There's no, that's a terrible sentence. I mean, I think the implication is that every man in America wants to be married to Jessica Lounge is, and again, I'm like, dude, you, you host a home renovation show. You, your audience, your, all of your audience doesn't even want to do that. So there's not even, I don't think all straight dudes want to propose on national television to Jessica Lounge. I mean, like the bucket is very small.

[00:25:02] He should say, I'm doing what 12% of men might want to do. He wants to feel better about his choice. I've done the research. 17 to 19%. Yes, that's right. I'm doing what some guys might want to do. Jake's running around Billy on the street style being like, what's your proposal? That's what went on up on the night? That's right. Yeah. She's right here for a dollar. It's so crazy. It's such a weird line to say out loud. If you found the lesbians, they would totally go out. All lesbians. Not all lesbians. Not all lesbians, but most. Many. A few. Most all. A few.

[00:25:31] 12%. 12%. 12%. 12%. One out of eight. 12% of all people, if given the opportunity. Would propose. There you go. To Jessica Lounge on live television. Now we know. It's a pretty high percentage for one person. We did the research. Alonzo, anything else? Oh, I'm done. You mentioned the paint. It is their own brand of paint. Yeah, it is. This TV show has their own brand of paint. Heck yeah. Don't Chip and Joanna have their own brand of paint? I don't know. I bet they do. I bet they do. But when you have to.

[00:25:59] If you're counting out there or drinking shots, how many are we away from a free renovation? We've got to be within six on that punch card. But they could have gone with the Cadillac of paints. Magnolia paint. Magnolia home. That's another level. They could have gone with the Cadillac of paints. Oh, that's. Yes. And they didn't. They went with whatever this is. Benjamin Moore? Benjamin Moore. You don't give that kind of place. No. No. No. No. Jake calls her up. I think he's traveling back.

[00:26:27] And they want us to think that he's in an airport. You're taking mine. I hate you so much. This is the best one. He's in an airplane museum. There are just. There are just planes. It's not even. In the lobby. I've been here for hours and my flight hasn't arrived yet. Legitimately, there is not anyone taking tickets. There's nothing. No. There's no. It is purely an airplane museum. There's just a lot of airplanes in the lobby.

[00:26:56] Like old Cessnas hanging from the ceiling. Like Night at the Museum 2 when Amy Adams is Amelia Earhart. Right. It's like that. Now, I have been in airports that'll have like one. No, no, no. But yeah, this is. This is so clearly an airplane museum. Shout out. Shout out to the museums out there. Last but not least. And we did allude to it a little bit. But this engagement is going to get picked up on the mics. Right. They're both wearing mics. So she's like. Oh, my God.

[00:27:25] It's for the show. And she's like, get up. Get up. Get up. Guys, you're wearing mics. This is live TV. Is it live? That's what they say. It is live. Yeah. They say people are going to find out in real time. But then they say that then there's people in the studio. Yes. And they're also several times. They say we'll cut that out. I don't know if it's live. But however, he does say right into his lapel. Yeah. It's just for the show. Don't worry. Don't worry. And she's like, get up. Get up. Get up. It's tough. Maybe do worry. Maybe do worry. Daniel.

[00:27:55] When I think of good old boy country mouse, I think of Daniel Lissing. Australian with no accent whatsoever. That's what I think of. And there's no way around it. That's what I think of. Jake from Renovation Romance. His personal cell phone. He says you've reached Jake from Renovation Romance. Personal cell phone. Wow. So if you're a celebrity, the cell phone that you don't want people to have. So the people calling that number are your friends and family.

[00:28:22] And on that outgoing message, he says, this is Jake from Renovation Romance. If you love what you do, you'll never work a day in your life. But this guy wants his parents to know they've reached Jake from Renovation Romance. They didn't believe in him. Every time they call, they get reminded. Whenever I call Alonzo, it says, you've reached Alonzo Duralde from Breakfast All Day. From Linolian Knife. Maximum Film. Deck the Hallmark. Books such as. It runs out of time. Yeah, there's never messages.

[00:28:51] He doesn't even get to leave a message after the beep. It just runs out of time. On his personal cell phone. Just he gives his resume. Jake is out here grinding. I might not be on this show. But right now, you've reached Jake from Renovation Romance. That's right. That's what you've done. We've mentioned it a bunch. But if you're not going to watch this movie, and I highly recommend you don't, think of a perfect log cabin. The wood in this cabin is like a rich, dark, mahogany, I guess, wood. I don't know.

[00:29:19] And then they will walk up and be like, what about this monstrosity? And it is like a light gray piece of drywall. It's not. They never go wide and show you the whole wall. They never show you an entire gray wall stem to stern. Top to bottom. Those walls are on wheels. It's not a thing. Like, go to a cabin. That's part of the whole thing. No cabin has drywall of any kind. It was flown in from the sides. And then we find out that Jessica Lowndes, who hosts a renovation show,

[00:29:49] how many years has she hosted it? Long enough for her to be nationwide famous. Right. She's never done demo. She's never swung a hammer at a wall in her life. Guys, like, could this, this might've been the most like single, I don't know why they did it either. Except for, well, the girl's not going to swing a hammer. I don't know why. Wouldn't be ladylike, you know? Like, she's like, I've never done demo before.

[00:30:18] And he's like, swing the hammer at the wall. It'll make you feel better. And I've seen that scene in other movies. Maybe in love and design. I think Danica McKellar might swing at a wall, hammer at a wall. But it's like, when the girl does that, or the woman does that in those movies, she's like a reporter. Or like a school teacher. This woman does renovation for a job. And it's like, oh my God, hammers and walls? I don't think so.

[00:30:46] But guys, she's in renovation. You tell me she's never demoed a wall before? This movie needed a pergola. Yes. Yeah, pergola. A pergola would really have brought it over the top. We love a pergola. Yeah, this is Jake from Renovation Romance. They also, and this is my last one, they are surprised to find out there's a tabloid story about Jake and Jessica Lounds having trouble.

[00:31:12] But the picture on the cover of the tabloid is Jake putting his hand at the camera. Where did they get that picture? And how did... How'd they not know it was Tom? Yeah, like where's the... When did Jake ever not want to be photographed? This is Spider-Man holding his... There is just no world where all of these things can be true. Right. They don't know it's Tom. They don't know the story's coming out. Jake doesn't want his picture taken. Like... Well, and they seem surprised that even though that picture exists, they seem surprised.

[00:31:41] They're just like, what happened? So that explains the guy in the ski mask trying to take that picture. Yeah. It's great. Everything we know about Jake suggests that he would be making sure that his best angle... Exactly right. I don't know if you know, but if you call his personal cell phone, it's Jake from Renovation Romance.

[00:32:11] Jake from Renovation Romance. Ask you, Alonzo. I'm wondering if of all the Baxters in all the movies we've ever seen, if there's ever been one who is so much of a low-down dirty skunk that she would want to renovate and flip her boyfriend's grandfather's cabin. Yeah. Like that is a new low of I have no soul whatsoever. Even for one of these movies, it's like, ouch. Yeah. That's tough. I didn't think about it that way.

[00:32:41] That's real tough. So I... When the director walks in and finds Tom is the mole, she seems very disappointed. I think that she was falling in love with Tom. This is something I've made up in my mind. Oh, she was? No, no, no. That was a thing. He was leading her on. Sometimes you make mistakes. Sometimes you make mistakes. Sometimes you accidentally become a mole. Yeah. Is there, you know, does she talk to him about like post-mole?

[00:33:09] Do you think there's ever, you know, can two people fall in love after you know that one's a mole? I don't know. I don't know. But I believe in those two and I just want to know if at least a conversation happened. So like in six months maybe he's going to call. Yeah. Hey, I really goofed. Like does a conversation happen between the two? I've seen the Hallmark couples get together where the dude's done way worse. Yeah. So why not? Why not them? Why not now? I definitely already talked about this, but my what the Hallmark is actually how did this happen?

[00:33:38] Like it, like the movie, there's definitely some money behind the movie and the movie ends up just on the whole movie ends up on the floor somewhere and Hulu just swoops in and grabs it. It just seems like these networks are designed to find those. Right. It's like a billionaire when stocks get low. You know what I mean? Like they know when to make easy money.

[00:34:04] How did this, this would have been, this is really a bad guys. It's a bad movie, but on the star wattage alone, it's enough to make a big network that has the ability money. Money. And if Hulu like snatched it because they were. Why didn't they pimp it out? Exactly. Why, why did we never hear about it? Pimp it. Like Netflix makes movies that seem like Hallmark movies all the time. But boy, they let you know they're happening. Yes. Everywhere. Very weird. Very weird. Did we do it? We did it.

[00:34:33] We did it, everybody. Maybe Rick will join us next week. No promises. Will you be with us still? You're going to hang around? You know, I never like to really predict where I'll be from week to week, but I may well be just zooming in next time. All right. We'll find out. Come on back regardless. It's going to be a lot of fun until then. Maybe the first to wish you a Merry Christmas. Deck the Hallmark is a Bramble Jam podcast produced by Brandon Gray and you have that Greenville, South Carolina. For more information on the show, go to deckthehallmark.com. Follow us on the socials at deckthehallmark.

[00:34:59] Leave us a five-star rating review on Apple Podcasts to help others find the show and help the show up financially. You can head on over to bramblejamplus.com. Become a double-decker with ad-free podcasting, live video watch-alongs, movie chats, and so much more. All that at bramblejamplus.com. You're about to hear some ads that help keep the lights on here in the old studio. Thanks for listening or don't listen. It's really up to you at this point.

[00:35:29] It's at the end of the show. I mean, you're listening to me. Hi. But here they come. I promise they're coming. Yep, here they are. Happy day. Bye.