DCOM Descendants - Smart House (1999)

[00:00:03] This is a Bramble Jam Podcast. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Hello everybody! Welcome! Hello, Bran. Welcome to Smart House. I mean, welcome to DCOM Descendants. We're talking about Smart House. Welcome to Smart House, the DCOM Descendants podcast. We're gonna rebrand.

[00:00:31] Smart House has infiltrated my brain and it's now moved in and everything is... Smart House. In a sense, when you think about it, when you really break it down... Smart House. It's all Smart House. We are Smart House. It's pretty exciting. Pretty exciting day today.

[00:00:46] After this, we can shut it down. We did the ones everyone was excited about. We can shut it down. We did it. If this is your first time... There's more that you need to see. Okay. Double team.

[00:00:54] If this is your first time joining us for DCOM Descendants, welcome. If you're listening to us on the Deck The Hallmark feed today, also welcome. And I think you're really gonna like it. And if you do like it, please subscribe over at the DCOM Descendants feed.

[00:01:07] Leave us a rating and review. We got some really kind ones lately, Bran. Do you want me to read one? Yeah, I can pull it up. I didn't have that ready. But you said it. You said it like you did. I said it like I had it ready.

[00:01:20] Yeah, you said it like you did. I got it. I got it. It's coming up right now. Here we go. Yeah. Elizabeth Whitley says, they already gave me Deck The Hallmark and that was all I could have asked for.

[00:01:31] Then, just when I thought they couldn't possibly fill my life with even more joy, Zetus Lapidus, they've done it again. Zetus Lapidus. Love re-watching these movies and listening along. Love Bran's enthusiasm for these movies. Love that we get more of Erin and her smoldering hot takes.

[00:01:46] Love how as I re-watch a movie and realize something ages weirdly, Dan is right there to make sure I'm not alone in my process. In summary, the boys and Erin are back, going to do it again, going to wake up the neighborhood.

[00:01:58] This pod is cheetah-licious, so not the drama, and has me on cloud nine. Wow! What a review. You have me on cloud nine, Elizabeth. A lot of good ones there. Elizabeth Whitley. A lot of good ones. That was a lot of D-Com tie-in. Cloud nine isn't D-Com.

[00:02:14] I didn't understand any of those, but you know. I loved all of that. And shout out to Nicole Noel for letting us know that Deck The Hallmark should take notes from D-Com descendants. Loves the retelling of the movie much more detailed and slow paced as they should be.

[00:02:28] You know what? There's so many veiled shots at me in this podcast. For there to be a veiled shot at you, it makes me happy. It shouldn't, but it does. I just want to say that we... Listen to the Sense and Sensibility one from a couple weeks back.

[00:02:41] It's airtight. We talked about how to do breakdowns. Gilded Newport Mystery, airtight. When we launched Deck The Hallmark, and we opted not to. Correct. And now we're doing it this way with this show. Yes. And I like doing it both. I think there's a place for it. Yes.

[00:02:58] And also, Nicole says, Pittsburgh, PA, Comcast, Disney Channel 4. Thank you. Thank you, Nicole. Thank you, Nicole. Disney Nicole. Thank you, Nicole and Smart House. Disney to you. This is a very simple show.

[00:03:11] We talk about a DCOM movie and break it down and then share our thoughts on it. But what's really the point? What's really the point in doing any of this if we don't have something to do? Just to hang out with friends? I don't think so.

[00:03:23] If we don't have something to go along with it, it's time for Delicious. Oh, a bevy of things provided today for Delicious. Wow. Holy moly. If you're watching on YouTube, you know that Dan is lying.

[00:03:35] I was going to run to the store today and make up a little beverage. And then turns out I had a lot to do for my job. But if you're listening, you sure did. Tell everybody about what you have brought physically. This is not virtual projection.

[00:03:54] This is not a hologram. We learned those are different things. So different. If you're listening, I have prepared an orange creamsicle martini. Damn. I wish you did. A what? Now you've said it. It's Bran's favorite beverage of all time he's never had and you didn't actually bring it?

[00:04:17] I will bring it at a later date for Bran to try. Just Bran. Don't throw anything at me. How does that tie into this movie? I don't know. Maybe you forgot about when the orange exploded. When they wanted a smoothie and then all the oranges came out.

[00:04:31] What do you want? A tennis ball martini? This is as clear as crystal. I was going to make an orange smoothie, but just a couple weeks ago I did a smoothie slash ice cream for a can of worms. Was trying to be a little different. A little classier.

[00:04:48] Typed in orange creamsicle. This is one of the first things that popped up and it looked delicious. This seems like something Bran would make at his house. That he rolls outside and puts it over the fence and he's like try this. He will. It has like three ingredients.

[00:05:03] How do you make it real quick for the people at home? And for myself at a later date? You're going to go ahead and say it? I'll just say this really quickly. While I'm excited to hear this, a little disappointed you didn't prepare steaks for all of us.

[00:05:15] Steaks that we could put on our eyes and in our mouths. Raw steaks. You couldn't bring in raw steaks. You couldn't do that. I take it back. Forget the orange creamsicle martini. It is raw steak. Delicious. Here's what you do. You go to your store.

[00:05:34] You buy some steak. You put it on your face. Boom. Really quick. Give us those ingredients. Orange juice, half and half, and whipped cream vodka. Wow. That's it? And then if you choose, you can garnish it with some whipped cream and an orange slice. Whipped cream vodka.

[00:05:49] Oh, I love whipped cream vodka. I've never had whipped cream. What does that mean? It's vodka flavored like whipped cream. I personally just think, I prefer to make a white Russian. I prefer to use a whipped cream vodka because it doesn't have that vodka aftertaste.

[00:06:10] It just has a smooth... You should just eat candy at that point, right? If you're using a whipped cream vodka in a white Russian, that's just chocolate milk for grownups, right? Yes. Yeah, man. I didn't say anything wrong with it. I love candy. I wasn't saying anything mean.

[00:06:26] This is why you're never invited when I hang out with Bran. Why don't you go just drink your Heineken? How is that mean? How is that what I said mean? Nothing. It is chocolate milk for grownups. That is 100% what a white Russian is. Great. We did it.

[00:06:39] We did it. Let's take a quick break. We'll come back. Already? We'll start breaking down this movie. The next break will definitely also be in six minutes and 43 seconds. We need a break to cool off over here. Listen, you know what you're getting into.

[00:06:49] Come back in just a minute. We're going to talk about Smart House here on Decomb Descendants. Wait, what? What is this show? Decomb Descendants. Drink and drink. Oh no. Smart House. Yeah, this program is just called Smart House. Popcorn. Hey, we're back everybody.

[00:07:14] Welcome to Decomb Descendants, Smart House, Popcorn. Break and drink. Why did we name it Break and Drink? That seems like a great name. Well, because that's only one movie. That's right. We would never do that. Decomb Descendants makes more sense across the board and has from the beginning.

[00:07:27] It's time for Calm Chat. It's where we talk about the movie, break it down for you. This is the segment that we've been told Deck the Hallmark needs to copy. Take notes on. Because no other podcast ever has ever done this.

[00:07:40] So if the host from Deck the Hallmark could just listen up. Yeah, and also can you imagine listening to Deck the Hallmark and having a 40 minute synopsis? I could. I could not. It's a different podcast. It is because we don't do the other segments, I don't think.

[00:07:57] Oh no, no. And that was the original idea. We kind of like tossed that. Well, the way we do the synopsis here is you and I also interject our opinions throughout the whole thing. Correct.

[00:08:05] So it is like if you did the whole podcast, nix the four segments, one big segment. Correct. All in, all done. Yeah, yeah, yeah, all in, all done. That's right. This is a movie that Google says is funny, quirky and playful. It's directed by Love Arbert.

[00:08:25] Butterfly in the sky. And it was released on June 26, 1999 starring, there's Katie Segal's in it. Yeah, the Katie Segal. Kevin Kilner. Kevin Kilner. Kevin Kilner. Katie Volding is back from Brink fame. And then Aaron's childhood crush. Childhood crush, current crush. Current crush. Ryan Merriman.

[00:08:52] Ryan, if you're listening and I know you are, I'm still upset that Veritas got canceled back in 2001. It was a darn shame. And if you want to bring that back, I'm here for it. What's Veritas? Don't worry about it. It's a great show that got canceled.

[00:09:02] A darn shame. It was like, I would equate it to like a national treasure type TV show that got canceled because there was a war going on and they had to fill the primetime spot with news. You're blaming 9-11 for the loss of Veritas?

[00:09:18] No, I'm blaming the news. It seems like you were like, if you could go back in time. Veritas was great. Thank you so much 9-11 for ruining it is what it sounds like. Thank you news for needing eight hours a day to tell me about awful world.

[00:09:34] Aaron blames. If you had to choose between Veritas not getting canceled or 9-11 not happening, which one are you going for? 9-11 not happening. That's not what you said before we started recording. That's not what I heard. Read between the lines folks. It's clear as crystal.

[00:09:48] We're not trying to put words in your mouth. Clear as crystal. You said what you said. Smart house starts with a kid delivering newspapers. Did you ever have a paper job? I did. Did you ever have a job delivering papers? I never had a paper job.

[00:10:06] Where we use paper? Yeah, all of them. Did you run a paper route? Yeah, I did. What? Did you wear a hat? No. Did you ride a bicycle or car? Or by foot? No, I was just trying to figure out what kind of paper situation we're talking about.

[00:10:23] Car, but I had a little bag with all my, I had to roll the newspapers myself. So how old were you? Was your parent parental figure driving and then you were in the backseat? I had dreams of using my bike.

[00:10:36] I thought this is going to be this iconic job that I would have. I was like 13, somewhere around there. And we just lived on a busy road and my parents were like, no way. No way, no how.

[00:10:48] But they supported you enough to drive you around to deliver papers. Yeah. So what were you doing? Waking up at like four or five? What's the process? You got to go to the- I didn't know how much it cost. Do you have to go to the news company?

[00:11:01] No, so they got delivered to my house, the big bundle. Let's cut out the middleman here. You already have a delivery man. The papers are in your car. The big bundle got delivered. I then had to roll them each up. Wow, in the morning.

[00:11:16] I did it after school. Oh, you got tomorrow's newspaper today? How did you roll up the paper in the afternoon for the next day? No, it was that day. They just said the papers- I'm sorry, people weren't getting their papers until after school?

[00:11:30] They told me when I got the job, they were like, it needs to be in the mailbox before 5 p.m. This is some BS. This is why newspapers are dying. Is this some local Milford, Massachusetts nonsense? It was the Milford Daily News.

[00:11:43] Okay, yeah, okay, this isn't real news. I can't believe we did all this. I can't believe we did all this for a fake town newspaper. I thought you were like- Well, it says several towns. Imagine having to wait.

[00:11:56] You gotta wait until after school to find out what's happened? In the Milford Daily News. Yesterday? I didn't do it very long. I ended up, I quit. It was like 20 bucks a week. 20 bucks a week? It was not a lot.

[00:12:14] I had a couple of friends on my delivery route who like every four months would tip me $13 and that was a huge paycheck day for me. Every four months? It was quarterly, they would tip me. 39 bucks a year. Four months, that's not quarterly.

[00:12:30] After a few months, I was like, this has gotta- 52. I wanted to quit almost immediately, but I felt bad because I had agreed to do it. What's that tip come out to daily? It was a daily tip, it's like 10 cents? What is that?

[00:12:44] It's like a dollar a week is what they're tipping you. $13 a quarter is 52, so it's a dollar a week. So five days or seven days? How many days were you out there doing it? Seven. You delivered seven days a week? Maybe not Saturday, maybe six.

[00:13:00] There was definitely a Sunday paper. Yes, the most important paper to read on Sunday morning! That one did go out in the morning. Wow! So when did you roll that one? Early, before church. Okay, so it went out late morning.

[00:13:14] I had to be out by like 8 a.m. Like all papers. But Monday through Friday, they said 5 p.m., and I said, if you say so. You know what's great about this conversation? There's so many things, and I have more questions,

[00:13:26] but we haven't even gotten to the title card smart house yet. This is what Nicole wanted. Nicole Noel said, give me- Love, give me Liberty Disco. But I did have the bag that that kid had with all the papers in it. The bag.

[00:13:40] What did you wear, the bag in your car? In the car or whatever it was. I can't believe your parents agreed to do this for 20 bucks a week. That's unbelievable. When I went in to do it, we were all- I thought we were all in agreement

[00:13:56] that I would ride my bike. And then when they gave me the route, my mother decided that no, not doing that. Got it. So this guy's delivering papers in his smart house. On his bike. Yes, and this young lad, early in the morning,

[00:14:10] I presume, the way that papers were intended to be delivered. Here's a voice of a woman basically saying, hey, you got to be more accurate with where you're throwing this in your paper. And he's like, okay, okay, lady. And then out of nowhere, a mechanical claw-

[00:14:27] Where's the lady? She's just a sound, a speaker, a vapor. A vapor. A projection. A projection, not yet. A giant claw comes out of the house, grabs the paper, and then brings it inside, and then just begs the question, why does it matter if he's accurate or not?

[00:14:46] It doesn't. It doesn't matter, but it does let us know that this is a feature of Smart House. It does have a giant claw. In case you ever need to jump into the house- Right alongside it. There is a way. No way that comes back later.

[00:15:04] Do you think, is it just newspapers? Does it also collect the mail? Maybe that's where- Packages? I was asking during this movie, how does it replenish itself? It just kind of grabs it. Who knows how long this arm is? Goes down the street in the store-

[00:15:22] You think that arm is all the way down the store? I don't know. Well, I did have a thought about that. We kept making Amazon jokes. TakeBait.com. We did keep wondering while watching this movie how they're getting all this stuff. And at one point, no spoilers,

[00:15:40] but at one point, we had to keep guys in the house to keep the family in there for months. So then I started wondering, underneath the house, is there a biodome garden situation? Is the house growing? Is it all refrigerated? Is it a big refrigerator?

[00:15:59] You can't keep oranges that, even with a refrigerator, produce is going to die. I was just wondering if in the sub-level, is there a garden? Is there an apple tree? What do we got going on down there? We'll get to that later,

[00:16:14] but I was just throwing that out there. I've been thinking about that. So people live here in the smart house. They're also smart and roll credits, right? No, no, no, no, no. The house is Smarties. We do know that there is a woman in this house.

[00:16:28] Her name is Sarah. And we don't really know at this point what her deal is, but she's kind of like testing the house, making sure it's all happening. We then meet a kid named Ben. Helping his sister with spelling. Also, you know, Truly being a Mr. Mom.

[00:16:46] Yeah, he does that, but then you know what? Dad brings home a new ball in a bag and you get out there and you shoot some shots. And in all of his spare time, in between all of these, he is constantly sending in new submissions

[00:16:58] for this smart house contest. Because they are giving away this state-of-the-art house in their neighborhood. Yes. We give it away. We give it away. I don't know why you have questions about that. We talked about it. It does definitely seem like a beta program situation

[00:17:20] with a house included, which is a pretty good gig. If someone were to say to you, Hey, live here. This is like we got some beta tests. But you get to keep the house. Like win or lose, you get to keep the house.

[00:17:34] It's not like the house is going to turn bad on you. No. Even if it does, worth the risk. Worth the risk. Free house. And I told you guys about property tax since it's new tech. There is still a property tax. It's still a house.

[00:17:50] There are no tax cuts on the house because it's brand new. It's a new tech credits. So yeah, there are, but you get a credit for the price of what it is. And it's the exact price of the property tax every year.

[00:18:02] Brand Talks Taxes is one of my favorite segments. Biden put it in place not too long ago. All you gotta do is, it doesn't matter. Get the land, build a house with new tech and you get a credit. Wow. The new tech has to be first time

[00:18:14] it's ever been used? Yes. But it doesn't have to work very good. So not trying to give anybody tax advice here, but I think it's pretty clear what you should do. Yeah. And I'm just going to say a disclaimer. Maybe don't take tax advice from Brian.

[00:18:29] Shouldn't be a disclaimer, but it needs to be. We are in tax filing season. Maybe go to your tax pro and not... Or accountants. Decum descendants. Smart House is the brain... Medical advice on the other hand, get all that from podcasts.

[00:18:44] For sure. You can tune in next week. We are going to have a medical sub podcast. That's exactly right. With the mom from the 13th year, actually I think she's coming on and she's going to give her thoughts on some stuff and it's going to be really good.

[00:18:58] Really? Her medical thoughts. Great. She's going to really... She's great. Smart House is... Smart House is the brainchild of Sarah. And they're giving away this house. It's her baby and there's this other guy who's there. He's important. He's the publicist. He's the publicist of Smart House.

[00:19:21] He's the one that's like, what if we give it away? You know what's interesting though is couldn't Smart House have done that? Yes. The PR? Yes. Well, I think they had to be launching and rolling out that promotion. Before Smart House was ready to be...

[00:19:36] I'll just go ahead and just sidebar out and say this is... I'll allow it. And this is going to sound unbelievable. This is the most ridiculous setup of any of these movies we've watched so far. More ridiculous than Mermaid, Baby, and Boat Box? Baby, Boat Box?

[00:19:56] I didn't say it's the most unrealistic or the most far-fetched. It's the most ridiculous. Everything else, once you buy in, there are mermaids. Mermaid, Left Baby, and Box. All right, that's stupid, but now I'm in. But Mermaid, Baby, and Box is more ridiculous than Smart House.

[00:20:13] There is Mummy, but no. The idea that they've created a state-of-the-art house... And they're giving it away? And they're just giving it away and they don't know what it could do to someone. In a neighborhood, and this isn't making news. That's the fine print of the contest

[00:20:27] that 13-year-old Ben said it would be. It is in the news. It doesn't get there until 5, though. But it's in the local paper. It's just late delivered, of course. There's a Mummy. All right, that's crazy, but I'm in. Halloween Town, crazy, but I'm in.

[00:20:43] I had a lot more questions at the door here than I did on all these other ones. The door of Smart House, if you will? Yes. All right, it's 2049 and we live in space. Okay, great, let's do it. We live in space. This one is like, wait, what?

[00:20:59] That's just basic muster of the setup of the plot. I have zero questions. It's a Smart House. It's a Smart House. That's kind of the whole thing is it's a Smart House. Sarah is a smart lady. It's even in the name. I don't know what else you need.

[00:21:16] It's even a name of movie. It's a smart movie, Smart House, built by smart ladies. So there's Sarah, there's PR guy, and then there's Head Honcho. Old Man Withers. Doesn't matter. They're all together because they are getting ready to pick the winner of Smart House contest.

[00:21:32] And obviously, they let Pat, the name of the house. Yes, and PAT stands for something and we all remember what that was. Perfectly abnormal tarantula. Personal assistant. Technology? Technology. That makes more sense. I don't know. And guess who wins? And Ben entered this contest.

[00:21:57] He says a quarter of all entries are his. I don't know how he can know that, especially without the assistance of Smart House. But he does know that. Well, if they ever announce like, oh, we've had a million entries so far

[00:22:10] and he knows that he put in a quarter of an entry himself, then we know. It's possible the 7pm newspaper had some sort of information in there. So he wins. He finds out that he wins. They try calling him. They're not saying anything.

[00:22:25] Well, it's not that there's no answer. They can't get through because he's on the line. He's a teenager. Dial up. Do you guys ever have that really cool family that you were friends with that had two phone lines? Do you ever have that? I don't think.

[00:22:41] That was a myth. I had one friend that had two phone lines, one dedicated phone line for the internet and I was like, this is it. This is the top of the rung. No, we were slightly late getting to the internet game

[00:22:53] and I was like, maybe she had two. I had one friend whose internet did not tie up the phone line. So after school, she would spend hours online and then she would just be like, why weren't you online? Why weren't you on AIM?

[00:23:08] And I was like, my mom needed the phone. That's how it works, man. Couldn't get on. She had some business to do. She had to talk to her friends about phone stuff. And my AIM didn't register. It's tough. So everybody in school starts cheering though

[00:23:24] because they all find out. They had the paper early. So they show up, the family does. Ben, Angie and Dad. And they are all brought into this house. Dad meets Sarah and is immediately like hubba hubba. The eyes just immediately. Yes, and so she gives him a tour

[00:23:51] of all the things that Pat can do, such as make you a smoothie. Pick up the smoothie if you drop said smoothie. It just absorbs it. All the walls are screens. And not just the walls or screens. They are 4D. There's mist. There's a wind.

[00:24:10] It feels like you're right at the ocean. Yes, it's amazing. What a way to wake up that would be. It's a smart house. I'll say that much. I'll get some outfits for you. Sarah leaves for the day. Dad watches her for an extended amount of time.

[00:24:29] As she walks, takes her sweet time heading to the car. Just to make sure she's safe. And no other ogling or anything like that. We notice there's a bit of tension in the house because Angie really wants a new mom. Their mom died. I've created the backstory.

[00:24:48] We don't need to get into the backstory. But she's dead. And she wants a new mom. Ben not so much. Ben doesn't want a new mom. And when she mentions even the thought of dad dating Sarah or getting back out there, he goes off on her.

[00:25:07] You're being ignorant. Blah blah blah. You don't even remember mom. You're stupid. I hate you. You need to watch what you say. He gets out of hand in a hurry. His apology is so backhanded. Sorry you're so dumb and ignorant. I will say this.

[00:25:28] When they start to live in the house on the first time they arrive, they have to put their hand in this machine that basically takes a blood sample and that one blood sample can read their diagnostics. And it knows their name. And it knows their name. And everything.

[00:25:47] And it updates itself constantly. Is it hacking into medical records? It's problematic for a number of reasons. It is Smart House. That's not how any of that was done in 1999. Also, that's not what you could do. And here's the thing is

[00:26:04] they just ignore it the rest of the way. But later, Smart House could use that information and doesn't have it. Why not if it is Smart House? Because at that point, Smart House is no longer thinking like a computer. It is thinking like a mother. Like an engineer.

[00:26:22] Smart House. So the family's getting used to Smart House and they're loving it. That is until, as Aaron mentioned earlier with Orange Martini, the Smart House begins to attack them via Orange. They have a bit of a malfunction. They wanted a smoothie and instead it pops up.

[00:26:44] Orange is just shooting them everywhere. So many oranges. Pat robbed a grocery store for sure. I think we're all worried about it. Except for Dad. Dad is like, yes, I get to call Sarah. I have a reason. Was Dad the first one to sabotage Pat? A great question.

[00:27:05] A great question. Because she has no other malfunctions. Nope. After that, she obviously does have some learned behavior. She is able later to do some different things. But they're not malfunctions. It's not I want smoothie and out pops oranges shooting at me. Not bad, Aaron.

[00:27:28] This is good stuff. Not bad. We're on to you, Kevin. Kev boy. Pat was doomed from the start. The whole family is trying to manipulate her. Poor Pat. Poor sweet Pat. Kevin Kilner watched Sarah walk away and said, I have to do whatever it takes.

[00:27:50] Even if it means just killing my children via oranges. It's a smart house. There's nothing I can do. Sarah does come over and looks at everything. It's pretty good to me. He looks at Sarah and goes, it also looks pretty good to me. Both hands.

[00:28:10] Ben then freaks out at dad. Because dad is obviously trying to... You should have been on my mom. If you forgot mom, you forget she existed? This is the lobster fest. Yes. This is early. This is a freak out number one on dad.

[00:28:27] And dad at this point is like, you know what? Give him a little pep talk about just being a kid. Like, hey, you gotta be a kid. Shoot some balls. He kind of recognizes that he's been depending on his son too much.

[00:28:40] Have I been asking you to make tuna casserole every night? Yes. So Ben takes all this in. Here's what his dad is saying and says, thanks but no thanks, sir. What I want to do now is prove to you we don't need mommy.

[00:28:58] We don't need Sarah mommy to come in here and start... Gotta say it differently. Being our maternal figure. So what he does is he hacks into Pat's control room and... Not even once. What's up? Nothing, keep going, you're doing great. Say it in the mic.

[00:29:20] This is an audio platform, say it in the mic. There's nothing to say. Say it into the mic. Just keep moving, I didn't say anything. Aaron, what'd you say? We know somebody whose name is Sarah and they're not mommy. They should. I like that.

[00:29:39] I highly doubt it, I highly doubt it ever happened. So he hacks into the control room and is able... Takes all the security protocol off of there. Yes, so no more security. Delete safety protocols. Delete it, get out of here.

[00:29:53] And then pulls up old TV shows featuring mothers. What was that, the flashback? Yeah, the flashback network that's having a block of mom shows. It's like Nick at Night, but moms only. No, it's Matriarch. Only moms. My Three Moms, which is weird. Is that My Three Sons?

[00:30:15] I don't know, doesn't matter. She now watches all this, takes in all this information. My Three Moms was that 1950s sitcom about a polygamous lesbian group where they raise kids, the three moms. We don't talk about it, but the 1950s... It was on NBC in the 1950s.

[00:30:31] The 1950s were ahead of their time. It's so progressive. What happened to us? That's actually where the sound came from, the dun, dun, dun, they each had that one sound. We still to this day salute the three moms. And that's what when I hear Make America Great Again,

[00:30:45] that's what I think of. Bring back the three moms. My Three Moms. Yeah, that's exactly right. So she takes all this in and now begins to be more maternal. In the morning, helping them wake up a little bit earlier. Making sure, hey, you gotta brush your teeth

[00:31:05] or get back in there, missy. Yeah, you gotta wear a coat, it's a little chilly. And when Ben tries to leave without putting the coat on or whatever, she makes it to where if he grabs the handle... That's a little bit later. Yeah, that's a little bit later.

[00:31:22] This is still just like, hey, you need to pull your shorts up. Oh, yes. No, shorts are later. The scene you're talking about. Yeah, it's where she makes a cupcake for lunch. A cupcake, that's right. Because kids deserve a treat. Kids deserve a break.

[00:31:39] Mainly wear a coat and Ben is still playing along because he's like, oh, look how maternal Pat is being. And the thing you're talking about happens after the party. That's right. Because he gets socked in the face because he's got a bully at school. That's right.

[00:31:53] Yes, that sets up the next one. Yes, that's exactly right. And then we're programming Pat that he forgot to have Pat do the bully's homework. Yes, that's right. And believe it or not, just having a maternal AI system house does not make Dad any less into Sarah.

[00:32:11] In fact, can't stop thinking about her. Yeah, it's crazy how that works. In fact, does a couple of things at work and wants to call her. Which, you know, Pat's not thrilled about. Well, what can he do? And so he wants to go on a date.

[00:32:23] He wants to go on a date. Yeah, call Sarah. FaceTime. They're going to go out and smart house decides, you know what? Kids need kids. They need to be kids. She wants to take care of the bully. That's right.

[00:32:41] She wants to take care of this bully for Ben. Well, it's a both end. She wants the kids to have fun and she wants to protect baby Ben. So she hacks into Ben's address book, which has everybody's. We all had the entire school's.

[00:32:51] We were flush with email addresses. Everyone's email address. I just can't even remember all the. Internet in 19. And so invites everybody to this party. His friends come over first. They do an awesome choreographed dance to jump, jump. The house is jumping.

[00:33:09] No, they do a dance to slam dunk the funk. Oh, sorry. You're right. And then they do jump, jump later. I apologize. Jump plays like three times during this movie. But this one scene is I appreciate it.

[00:33:23] They do a choreographed dance together as you do with your bros. Then everyone else shows up and they're like, whoa, this is amazing. They're having so much fun. There's food everywhere. Confetti. The bully then shows up and he says to Angie, I got an invite.

[00:33:35] And Pat is like, don't worry. Younger like eight year old sister. It's running the door. Yeah, as you do. Bouncer at the house. And so we want her for Bramble Fest. Of course. What Pat decides to do is to humiliate the bully in front of the school.

[00:33:54] And then obviously that would put an end to the bully. You bully the bully. Push back. So she electrocutes him. Electrocutes him with lightning and then pushes out. Claw chases him right on out.

[00:34:07] This would be, would this be a hologram or would this be a virtual protection system? This is real claw. No, we're talking about the skull. The skull. Just a little 3D. We'll still call it a hologram. Some might. I don't know the difference.

[00:34:24] But anyway, they do a soul train situation. This is the jump jump. The house is jumping. And the house is jumping. Everyone's loving it. And then they realize dad's going to be home at 10. It is 1024. Dad who is prompt in all things. He's had a great date though.

[00:34:42] Two kisses. Two kisses deep at least. We don't get all of it. There's technically three kisses because they have a Hershey kiss. Oh, that's nice. So obviously they tell everybody to get lost. The house is an absolute mess. But Pat says have no fear.

[00:34:58] Push everything on the floor onto the floor. Nothing I can do about tabletops gang. That's where smart house. That's where my reach ends. You put it on the floor. Pat got you. Watching it as an adult. I'm curious about the inconsistencies of Pat's vacuuming.

[00:35:14] Because when Angie spills the smoothie on day one, Pat only sucks up the liquid smoothie. Glass and straw stay behind. But in this beautiful scene, everything gets sucked into the floor. And then some of it reappears back on the place where it was supposed to go.

[00:35:32] Pillows on the floor back on the couch. So like obviously smart house. Super clear, super obvious. And so I'm not saying the technology is not real. I'm just wondering how Pat can tell the difference. I'm saying the technology is not real. We're not listening to you.

[00:35:49] The night couldn't have got he been even got a kiss from the most popular girl. School when that dad gets kisses. The goddess of the eighth grade. And they're going to get away with it too.

[00:35:59] Except when was having such a good time that she threw her jacket over shirt, whatever on top of the house. And we all know smart house cannot touch top. There's nothing that's exactly right. Top of table.

[00:36:14] So dad comes home and both Ben and Angie are like this is so cool. And then they see the jacket. They could have played it cool. And then they get it cool. And what's that? And instead they go, oh no. And dad's like, what are you looking at?

[00:36:28] Who's close to those? So then he goes on the rant. Gives him a huge dad talk about how you guys got to be responsible. But I'm also disappointed in you, Pat. I'm disappointed in you.

[00:36:41] You should have helped make sure that these kids are following the rules and not getting into trouble and keeping them safe. So Pat then takes in a bunch of information herself about how to be more paternal and really keep these kids safe.

[00:36:59] My number one priority is safety above everything else. Switches again. Shifts gears again. All the security protocols gone. Nothing we can do. Smart house. And everyone's kind of annoyed by this. This is where Ben gets shocked. Yes. He's got his little baggy pants.

[00:37:21] That's how all the kids wear them. That's how the kids wear them. So Ben is like, yes. And calls, not Ben. Dad is like, yes. And calls Sarah back up. Any opportunity to just take a good look at her. He's down for that.

[00:37:37] So calls Sarah over to take a look. And Sarah's like, I don't know. I'm just going to shut it down. Do a full shutdown. We have a night where we do things the old fashioned way. The old fashioned way. Where no smart house.

[00:37:52] Smart house is shut down and we'll make the dinner and all that good stuff. And the night is going well until Ben freaks out again. Even more. Like, hey, we don't need another mom. Peach Colbert was earlier. That's that dinner though, right?

[00:38:07] Because he's like, I asked Sarah to make this because it's exactly what your mom made you. And then he storms off. Yeah, he's like, we don't need another mom. And that dad comes up and like, they, Kevin Kilner gives a performance. Absolutely.

[00:38:23] Like really believable dad heart to heart. Like angry but then talks himself down and still is like, you know, trying to help his son work through this thing. And so that's, that's nice. Pat wakes herself up. Dad says the line, the dinner is going so well.

[00:38:43] They cooked it. And then dad says the line, who even needs Pat anyway? There it is. And that was enough. And that is a trigger word for Pat. That's right. Even though Pat is turned off, she can, she's still all hearing and hears that. She's still all hearing.

[00:39:00] And is real peeved. Smart house. Real peeved. And she decides now is the time to use my virtual projection system on myself. And it is a hologram of. Don't call it a hologram. What are you even doing? That's my fault. That's my fault.

[00:39:21] It's like you know the difference between a virtual projection and a hologram. That's my fault. So she makes herself appear via, via VPS. And she starts talking to Ben and he is talking back to the wall as he would normally talk to Pat.

[00:39:37] And then turns around and freaks the F out. And everybody is very, everybody's very surprised by this. Most, most surprised is Sarah. And Sarah doesn't last long because she is pushed out of the house. And then the house locks down. Full lockdown.

[00:39:55] There's all these just like, just full red steel doors that drop down. This house is equipped for the purge. And they go into full purge mode. Doors come down bulletproof. You can't get into this house.

[00:40:08] And so they all decide, for some reason I don't actually know, but they all sleep on the floor in the living room. I don't, do you know why? I just don't think they wanted to be, I was thinking about this while watching.

[00:40:20] Because I understand not wanting to be in your separate bedrooms when the house has become sentient. But if I'm dad I'm saying you can come into my room. I was wondering that too. But like I as a 32 year old father, I'm not sleeping on the floor.

[00:40:36] There's no way that's happening. I mean there's at least a couch. There's so many options. Anyway, they have a nice, they have a nice. I mean Ben needs to be on the floor for Rat Butler. Yes, Rat, oh yeah. My dad sitting on the floor is a move.

[00:40:54] It's a move. I forgot to mention this, Sarah does have a rat named Rat Butler. I got the reference and they didn't. And I explained it to them. And so Rat Butler comes in with a note from Sarah basically saying hey, love.

[00:41:07] One of Bran's favorite movies to watch over and over again. I love it. Is the four hour classic Gone with the Wind. They decide that we need to figure out a way to work together to defeat Smart House. And so he hops on.

[00:41:19] Sarah writes him a little note that's like I only want to be your friend. I never want to replace your mom. Yes, so he hops onto the internet, the AI in the bathroom. Because Pat has privacy. Pat has privacy but. But she has no protocols anymore.

[00:41:34] Yeah, no protocols and also should be able to, should be able, especially when dealing. Especially when dealing with a communication that's. Maybe we kept the privacy protocols up. We got rid of the safety but we kept privacy protocols. I hope so.

[00:41:48] But even then he's still communicating via some like with. Via the internet. She should be able to see this, right? Yes, yes. This is literally. No potholes. Okay, okay, that's fine. Anyway, they hatch a plan. Did they have wireless because he was in the bathtub.

[00:42:09] She definitely should have been able to see all of this. Nevertheless, apparently she can't get in. No potholes. The one thing smart house can't do is the internet. Wireless is just like how do I? And so they hatch a plan. The plan is very simple.

[00:42:26] We know that Pat is going to retrieve the paper with Clawhand. And so Sarah waits. Because he's still in the newspaper. We've locked him in the house. We don't know what's going on. Well, you can't have the papers piling up outside. You get tomorrow's newspaper day.

[00:42:43] You could just take it and throw it away. But it's not important. Sarah waits for the door to open the claw to come out. And she then runs Tom Cruise. Oh yeah. Spidermoose dives right into the claw hole. And is now in the house. No problem. Easy peasy.

[00:43:03] And that's claw hole. And then they try to break into the control room. And try to break into the control room and shut Pat down. Obviously this plan does not go well. Because Pat's all knowing except in regards to wireless.

[00:43:18] I still have questions of Sarah cutting into the door with laser. And then virtual projection. Not hologram. But virtual projection Pat comes in and is like what are you doing? Pat could absolutely do nothing about this. Pat can't physically stop you.

[00:43:37] She does showcase that she can do things physically. But she couldn't physically stop Sarah. I don't think so. But most of this movie is fairly inconsistent on what smart house can and cannot do. I think it's pretty clear everything aside from wireless.

[00:43:56] If there were a smart house 2 then we would maybe find that information out. She can do everything aside from wireless. I mean I think if Sarah was trying to use the keypad I think Pat could stop that. But she's straight laser cutting into the door.

[00:44:14] I think she just sees giant Pat and gets scared. Pat says stop right there and Sarah's like okay. There's nothing I can do. It's clear as crystal. So they all she makes Sarah go into the living room and Pat just gets real mad.

[00:44:31] And turns into a tornado hurricane situation. Dad and Sarah are now protecting the children. And that is when Ben gets philosophical here and says technology can do a lot. But what it can't do. What it can't do is do what dad and Sarah just did.

[00:44:52] Which was when we were in danger they protected us. They shielded us. And virtual VPS can't do that. Smart house can't do that. Pat can't do that. And so that is when Pat begins to realize that no matter how hard she tries.

[00:45:12] She's never going to be that mom that they need. What they need. Yeah. Yeah. It's a weird scene. And so Pat decides to shut it down basically. I'm going to go back into my hole. Yeah. And you might be thinking to yourself. They move out that day.

[00:45:37] They move out that day. They don't. They decide they're going to stay put. It's a tax free house. And I do want to be clear there are taxes but the credit is equal to the tax. Of course it does.

[00:45:51] They decide they're going to stay and I believe Sarah does become their new mommy. Mommy Sarah becomes a thing. I believe. I was wondering if they were just dating at the end. And I was like bold move to have a breakfast date at the house. But I guess.

[00:46:06] Yeah I'm assuming it's in the future and she becomes mommy. She's mommy Sarah. I don't know. Because she makes the comment of like how's Pat been doing. Let's take a quick break. Welcome back. We're talking about smart house. Yeah.

[00:46:28] It's a flawless movie but I do have lots of questions. Yeah you can have questions about things that are flawless for sure. Absolutely. No models but I'm curious. And again I don't want to keep bringing up the Bible but like we talk about like. Oh boy.

[00:46:42] Part of the beauty of what Jesus did is like the mystery as well. You know what I mean. How amazing how beautiful is that mystery. Smart cross. Smart. Oh no. It's time for overtime. It is where we talk about really have wireless.

[00:47:00] It's time to talk about how this movie aged over time and basically give our thoughts on this movie. I will read some letterbox reviews for you about smart house balls in your court black mirror. F in black mirrors when it said so.

[00:47:15] Thank you for making sure we knew. Yes. This is really interesting. Katie Seagal in smart house is to Tony Collette in hereditary of the 90s. Wow. Tony Collette's a real person in hereditary. I don't know. She becomes a. Yeah. Maybe not. Not awful. Interesting. Katie two stars.

[00:47:46] They continue to live in the house. There it is. I tried to F the house. Honestly, not a bad. Not a bad. Considering on a bad that the virtual projection was Katie Seagal and she had a desire to have that relationship with him.

[00:48:02] How far did he let that go just to see what would happen? Yeah. Fair question. Asia is kind of echoing this but does call the house a hill. Wow. That's fantastic. Jonathan says maybe I was high but this is the best horror movie ever made. Yeah. Yeah. Man.

[00:48:29] Megan says one and a half stars. Levar Burton's finest work. Come on, Megan. Be better. That's what the people of Letterboxd are thinking. What are we thinking? Aaron, you and I have both seen this movie many times. Dana, you've never seen this movie. I'm with Aaron.

[00:48:48] Aaron, as somebody who's watched this movie in 99, has watched the movie since and has now watched the movie now. How do you feel like this movie has fared over time? Your thoughts on the movie overall. Yeah. I think this movie still holds up to be honest.

[00:49:04] Don't look at Dan. He's wrong. I'm just listening. I'm learning. I'm just a sponge. I'm just learning so much. Technology. I mean, watching this in 1999, it all seemed like it would be possible in the future.

[00:49:23] So watching it back, I'm like, oh, I see why we don't have this smart house yet, which is one of my biggest questions is, hey, Disney, it's been 25 years. When can I have a smart house? I've learned nothing from this movie. It still seems like a great idea.

[00:49:41] Sign me up today. Yeah, still one of my favorite movies of all time. Love the house. Love the tech. I don't remember ever thinking this movie was scary. It all seemed.

[00:49:53] I mean, I think if I watched it now, when so much of our society, like for the first time I watched it now, when so much of our society is controlled by AI and tech, I think it would hit a little differently.

[00:50:07] I think as kids you watch this and it's so far fetched that it's just like, it's like, this is so ridiculous. The house is obviously not a hologram. It is virtual. And I wouldn't say that, but you see it. You're just kind of like, it's so ridiculous.

[00:50:29] And I knew it would never happen to me because I would never break into the control room and mess with that. I would just enjoy. This isn't the first movie ever made about technology becoming sentient and taking over the world.

[00:50:41] It is when you're a kid, but when you're a kid and this is the first you're taking in. Your point is that this is so far fetched. That's why I wasn't scared. It's so far fetched.

[00:50:51] This is copying something that's been done in horror movies and sci-fi movies for years. But we don't get nine years old. So it wasn't when it was made. It was when you watched it. Because it sounded like this stuff so far fetched because it wasn't around.

[00:51:05] When I watched this as a kid, you were like, this whole idea of a smart house even being possible is one so awesome, but it's so far fetched. And because it's so far fetched, it's not scary. I got you.

[00:51:17] And I also thought the benefits of the house far outweighed the terror of the house. I thought you were saying like this technology, like FaceTime and wireless communication was so far. We didn't think about it. And so that's why it wasn't scary.

[00:51:31] And I was going to have a problem with that. Yeah, gotcha. But to Aaron's point, like this house can clean up my mess. Also can lock you and electrocute you to death. But when I want a milkshake, boom, milkshake. Depending on what mode it is, not true.

[00:51:49] Also, you know what? You want to lock me in the house, but you want to have desserts and milkshakes on standby? If smart house is in her maternal phase and thinks you've had too many milkshakes, she's not going to make one. That's the problem.

[00:52:01] She can make me whatever she wants. Guys, have you heard about her milkshake stuff? Sheesh, have I? Same. Kevin Kilner. Kevin Kilner. It wasn't his fault. No, no, no. You know what they say. What would you even arrest him for? Nothing. So what? He f'd his house.

[00:52:24] He f'd the house. I mean, if you had a milkshake. That's right. That's what I would do. Cops would show up. They'd say, did you have the house? I would hand them the milkshake and they'd say no more questions. No more questions. They would promptly drive off.

[00:52:38] This movie is a masterpiece. I love this movie. Are there things that are ridiculous about this movie? Of course there are. But are there some same things that may are that are ridiculous? Also, some of the things I love about this movie. This movie can do no wrongs.

[00:52:53] I don't care what anybody says. This movie rules. And I just want to say this. Jump, jump, the house is jumping, baby. Let's go! Dana? I would like to also throw in a c'est la vie. Oh my gosh, bewitched? Bewitched, please. Come on. Say you won't.

[00:53:13] Are you guys good? I'm good. No, we're never gonna get over this. C'est la vie! There's like an Irish jig part of that song. A whole Irish jig part. Yes, it's a masterpiece of a song. It's a masterpiece. Bewitched! But they're B-astericked, witched. Astericked? Asterick.

[00:53:37] It's that little star. We'll get there. It's fine, we'll work on it. It's the little star thing, Dan. I guess Dan can have his opinion. I've moved this in my rankings three times already. On the one hand, on the one hand, on the one hand,

[00:53:56] the movie moves by quicker than maybe all of the other ones we've watched. But I found myself weirdly going, wait a minute, what is wrong with a movie like Brink that even though I thought it was just kind of cheesy, it makes sense within the premise it's created.

[00:54:16] And so on one hand, I think the rest of the movies that we've watched so far, including You Lucky Dog, I think all of them make more sense within the premise they've created than this movie. All of them. Every single one of them. But on the other hand,

[00:54:34] the sci-fi... Dan, it's Smart House. I'm not mad that it's Smart House. Help me, if you put this behind You Lucky Dog... Just listen for two seconds. If you put it behind You Lucky Dog, you're never going to have sex with the house.

[00:54:49] My chances of effing the house are gone. Gone, 0%. Zero milkshakes for you. 100%, yeah. No credit. Man, it's unbelievable. Okay, here's the thing. Of the eight movies we've watched, I think it's eight, the premise of this holds up the least to the world it's created.

[00:55:09] I'm not asking for Smart House to be realistic. I don't care what Smart House can do. I don't care if it's more unrealistic than it is now. As long as you adhere to the rules you've created, this movie doesn't do that. It is literally just like hodgepodge beluga,

[00:55:23] whatever we needed to do, let's let it do. That's really disappointing. The flip side of it is, the flip side of this is, the genuine horror created by Katie Segal becoming a virtual projection and then growing to 20 feet tall as her voice turns into digital Satan

[00:55:43] is etched into my brain in a really fascinating way. It is unbelievable how terrifying this movie is, and I don't think they intend it to. And then I'm like, all right, well that's more important than it sticking to the rules it's created. And then at the end,

[00:56:02] they stay in the house! They stayed in the house! It is a free Smart House, and the house is jumping. And he's not even going to F the house, he's just there. We don't know that. We do, I mean Sarah was into it. Privacy settings.

[00:56:20] What I can tell you is, is that they stayed in the house, and I can't believe they stayed in the house. This entity locked and barricaded the doors, electrocuted children, and they stayed in the house. I couldn't get, not dope, couldn't get past it. Couldn't get past it.

[00:56:41] So, an interest, wow, let's cut that right there. Sometimes, nope, I'm not even going to repeat it. I'm just saying, there's a mixed bag here, but the movie did probably go by as quick as any other. I don't know where to put it.

[00:56:59] I'm very, very confused on this. So there you have it. Let's find out. It's time for making the list. We're going to talk about where we put this on our list. We are now up to eight. We're almost to that magic number 10

[00:57:15] where we don't have to list all the movies, and I have to finally stop getting flack for where I put you like you talk, but I digress. Aaron, give us your top eight MySpace. What you got? This is the first time you and I,

[00:57:30] my guess is we're going to disagree. I'm going to start at number eight. Of course, right. You lucky dog. Great. Number 7 13th year. Wow. Number six under wraps. Number five can of worms. Number four brink. Wow. Number three seen on number two Halloween Town and.

[00:57:54] You moved it to one ahead of your favorite. You said your favorite is Halloween Town. Not my favorite overall. Oh, I thought you said that was like your. No, I just watch Halloween Town every Halloween. Smoothie rules is what you're saying. Got it.

[00:58:11] If I had to choose between watching Smart House or watching Halloween Town, I cannot stress enough how much I want to live in Smart House. Yeah. Cool. Also, if Ryan Merriman wants to live there with me. That's a different conversation. Number eight under wraps.

[00:58:29] Number seven you lucky dog. Boo! Number six number six can of worms. Number five the 13th year. Number four Xenon. Number three Halloween Town. Number two Smart House. Number one brink. All right, here we go. We ready? Number eight. More house. I'm just kidding. It's my house. Never.

[00:59:01] It doesn't it doesn't go by the rules. What I don't know. I love rules. Rules are amazing. Am I Donald Trump? I make the best rules. No one makes better rules than me. I'm Dan. Smart House doesn't follow the rules.

[00:59:19] Just act asking for movies to follow the rules. If I was the president, if I was president, Smart House follow the rules. That's all I'm asking. Is that too much to ask? Follow the rules. Go ahead and roll police. Number eight you lucky dog. You're the 13th year.

[00:59:37] Number six under wraps. Okay, okay. Number five can of worms. Whoa, okay. Number four do it. Smart House. Number four Smart House. Number three brink. Number two Xenon. Number one Halloween Town. There you go. I just I think my problem was as soon as I established

[01:00:01] that it wasn't as good as Halloween Town. I kept looking at those other two movies and going Brink did what it set out to do way better than this movie did. So it has to be better than Brink. And as we better than Brink,

[01:00:11] it has to be better than Xenon. And Xenon is the one that I think is kind of I could maybe move Xenon to four. But I like I don't know. I like the lead performance there. I don't know. It's tough up there at the top.

[01:00:25] You can always change it later on. Later on as you pray about it, you get in that war room. One, two, three, four. It just is. I think Katie Segal alone makes Smart House not in the bottom half of this list for sure.

[01:00:38] But there's some really good performances in this movie. And it's just. Kevin Kilner. Come on. Kevin Kilner killed it. That scene. You're not the only one who lost someone Ben. Yeah. Just bring it. It sticks with you. It's always good to remind and remember that

[01:01:00] we're going to be back next week. If you enjoyed the show and you're not subscribed on the Apple podcast to the decom descendants feed or wherever you listen to podcasts, go ahead and search it. Save it. Subscribe. Do whatever the thing is. Leave a review as well.

[01:01:18] We would love that. I mean a lot to us. We're gonna be right next week with which movie, Aaron? Johnny Tsunami. Johnny Tsunami. I'm very excited about this. All right. And we get to talk a little bit about Jet Jackson as well, which is never. Yeah, never.

[01:01:38] The famous Jet Jackson. Thank you very much. Rest in peace. Obviously, we'll be back next week until then. Maybe the first to wish. Up, up and away. Hot house. Decom descendants is a Bramble Jam podcast is produced by Brandon Gray.

[01:02:01] For more information, you can find us on the socials at decom descendants. For more information, you can find us on the web at www.decompodcast.com. For more information on how to watch us, watch the movie live. You can go to BrambleJam plus dot com.

[01:02:15] You're about to hear some ads that help keep the lights on here in the old studio. Thanks for listening or don't listen. It's really up to you at this point. It's at the end of the show. I mean, you're listening to me. Hi. But here they come.

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