A loving mother becomes enraged after her daughter is cut from her alma mater's dance team.
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[00:00:00] Hi, I'm Brandon and I love Lifetime Movies. Hi, I'm Patrick Serrano and I am a Lifetime Movie Expert. I'm Dan and I despise Lifetime Movies and this is the Deck The Hallmark Podcast. Deck The Hallmark gets this podcast. And friends host this podcast. We hope you like this jolly podcast. Hello, welcome. Did you sneak up on you there? I don't know. Sometimes I forget how to talk.
[00:00:36] Oh my gosh, we have a walking legend with us today. And by legend, I mean, I'm just happy he's still with us. Patrick Serrano, you, it's always good to talk to you. You almost died. What happened? Well, you know, yes, some listeners may have noticed it's March and we're doing our first Lifetime, Death of Lifetime Uncorked. You know, I went to Bramble Fest, or not Bramble Fest, the thing that's like Bramble Fest, but it was in January.
[00:01:04] Yeah, I went to that and I was like, kind of feeling a little tired. Like I slept a lot. People wouldn't have known it though. No, no, no. You gave your, your 100%. Wow. You were great. Well, thank you. Yes. Well, you know, I, I put in the time, you know, when I'm out in public and then I go to my hotel room and just bundle up and take a little nap. So that's what I did. And all of a sudden I got back and I could not stand up.
[00:01:32] Like period. Oh my gosh. I didn't stand up. Uh, not because like my muscles didn't work because I, it was more like getting dizzy. Oh. So I was like, Oh man, I'm like really dizzy. Then I'm like, well, I guess I should just, uh, for like the weekend, like when I got back, I was just like, well, maybe I'll just like chill. Like my parents can like bring me stuff, you know, like cater to me. I'm not feeling well. That's right. Um, and that was nice, but then it didn't get better.
[00:02:01] That was nice. Except I almost died. So, right. So then I went to the hospital and they said, Oh, you have no potassium in your body and, uh, you're supposed to have that. So apparently you're supposed to have potassium at a certain level. Good to know my levels were not right. So it could also be too high your potassium. So you have to be really careful with eating or however you get your potassium. So what'd you do? You just got some nanners. What'd you do? So that's what everyone says. That's what everyone says.
[00:02:32] I saw that in honey. I shrugged the kids. Yeah. I hate bananas. And I, this is my new passion in life. You guys, bananas are not the highest potassium food. Okay. Tell me to eat a sweet potato. Tell me to eat some Greek yogurt. Tell me to eat a baked potato. Yeah. Okay. So potatoes and Greek yogurt, more potassium than bananas.
[00:03:00] Yeah. Yeah. There's lots, lots of things with more potassium than banana. Brandon, you know, the smoothie that I get us every time we do smoothies has Greek yogurt in it. So we're good. I don't think we're going to, I don't think we're going to have the, the potassium issue. No dizzy here. You won't get, you won't get dizzy. You're going to feel fine. I love it. So you, you, you were good for a little while and then calamity struck once more. Yes. Well, I have my followup with my specialist today. So we'll see my blood work and everything looks good.
[00:03:27] So potassium is good. But then I ran into like something backstage at work and I have a like huge bruise on my leg. So I'm just limping around. We're just taking it day to day with Patrick. But I wonder, do you think the bruise is so big because of all the potassium? All right, Dr. Gray. Could be. Yes. You've seen the Gray's Anatomy episode ago.
[00:03:51] Listen, sometimes when something happens, you begin to shift and you shift a little bit too far and then your leg becomes a bruise. That's all I'm saying. I was. Okay. I'm going to just act like I didn't hear any medical advice from Brandon. I've seen doctors. All I know is, all I know is this is I, Patrick posted to his Instagram story that he was in the hospital and it's maybe the first time.
[00:04:18] It's definitely the first time and it will probably be the last time I've ever laughed aloud at someone saying that they're in the hospital because the way that he told people he was being admitted into the hospital. Like he literally like had to stay multiple nights. Things were not looking great. The way he told people was he took a picture of the hospital TV that had golden girls on it. And he said, good news. The hospital has golden girls on bad news.
[00:04:48] I've been admitted to the hospital. That's fantastic. I mean, that's good. That's good social media presence there. I mean, did I laugh first and then went, oh, no, second? Yeah, but still funny stuff, Patrick. Well, that's how you got to do it. You got to get stuff in the bad news with a joke at the top, right? That's right. Who checked on you more, me or Dan? Oh, that's a good question. It was equal. It was equal. I was wondering if you guys were sitting in the same room. Did you check on him? Yes. I thought it was just me over here. It was so funny.
[00:05:25] We didn't talk about it. We didn't talk about you being in the hospital at all. Yeah, you might have been sitting next to each other both texting me at the same time. Yeah. We should check on him, right? We should. Yeah, we should check on him. We should check on him. Time stamp it. But the best we could do is to divide it out by five minutes. You think five minutes is long enough to wait? You do it, and then I'll wait five minutes. And then I'll wait five minutes. And the next time I'll do it, and you're like. Well, we are obviously so happy that you're feeling better. And that gets us to this moment right here, which, by the way, has been a long time coming
[00:05:52] because you texted me about this movie like a month before it aired, and you were like, we have to do this movie. And I said, okay. And here we are today talking about Killer. What is it? Killing the competition. Melissa Joan Hart is once again a mom. We talked about her hoarding movie. Was it last year? Hoarding might have been two ago. Okay. Yeah.
[00:06:21] But there's one with the nursing home. That's right. Yes. But the transition to Melissa Joan Hart now being mom of teenagers has happened over the past couple years, and we are back at it today with Killing the competition. Patrick, what do we need to know before we dive in? Well, the timing worked out great for this because the January and February movies weren't awesome on Lifetime. They were all those biopics.
[00:06:46] So if you wanted to see a biopic of Gloria Gaynor or Lisa Lisa, those type of people. Yeah. Lisa Lisa. You could watch that. You could. It was called Voices of a Lifetime. And of course, you can watch it on Philo, philo.tv.dth if you want to have the live channel. I don't know who Lisa Lisa is. I don't know who Gloria Gaynor is. I don't know who Lisa Lisa is. It's Lisa Lisa. Lisa Lisa. Lisa Lisa. I can't think of a song that you would know of hers. Okay.
[00:07:16] Yeah. Great. But she got her own movie. I'm really trying, but. We nailed it. No, no, no. It's good. Okay. Well, yeah. So, you know, Lifetime biopics. At least they got the music for these, which we were happy about. So we love that. But then I saw Cheerleader Murders were coming. I'm like, it's Cheerleader murder season already? What? Can't believe I sneak up on you. And, you know, HBO released a documentary about the famous Texas cheerleader.
[00:07:44] Do you know about that case, Dan, where the mom, her daughter didn't make the squad and she put a hit. I feel like we've talked about this on this podcast. There's a documentary about this? I've talked about it with someone before. It's either on this podcast or with Brayton. What's it called? Do you know what it's called? It's probably called like Texas Cheerleader Murder or something like that. Scandal. Texas Cheerleader murder scandal. Yeah, no, I'm going to watch that. Lifetime has never done a movie about that case.
[00:08:13] This is the closest thing they've done. HBO did a documentary or did a TV movie back in like the 90s with Holly Hunter as the Texas mother. Yes. But yes, the basic premise is the girl doesn't get on the team. The mom is like a Kris Jenner type of overbearing mother and puts a hit out on the mom, the other mom and the other family.
[00:08:38] And so this one does say it does start with inspired by actual events. But what is it like the names or whatever have been changed? Blah, blah, blah. Right. They're covering, you know. Covering the bases. Covering all the bases. So, yes. But of course, Melissa Joan Hart is playing the mother. I don't. I didn't write down the mother's name. So we're just going to call her Melissa Joan Hart. It's all the fairs. MJH. Right. But yes.
[00:09:08] Oh, the name is Elizabeth Fenwick is the mother's name. And she's definitely not Wanda Holloway. She's definitely not the lady from Texas. Very different. Very different. And, you know, in the beginning, I was like, how different is it really? But then things kind of go really different. It gets differently different. Doesn't it, Bran? It gets. Oh, I don't know anything about the case. But I do know that Melissa Joan Hart is a lot in this year. But isn't she supposed to be?
[00:09:37] She is. Okay. Like that's making better, right? Not worse. She plays a lot very well. She plays a lot very well. She does. Dan, also, so you can picture this. Melissa Joan Hart is famously a non-Botoxer. Okay. Is this like something she like brags about regularly? She uses like some type of face putty that fills in her wrinkles. What? Like a putty. You know, like silly putty. Like silly putty. I know what you said. I just can't.
[00:10:07] She puts something in and it just fills it in and becomes part of her skin? It's all silly putty. Yeah. Yes. That's exactly it. And she advertises it online. She does ads on her Instagram for the silly putty you put on your face. So she does not do Botox. She's a silly putty. Now, I know you're a Botox guy, Patrick. Have you thought about trying the silly putty? Yeah. Have you dabbled in the putty? I haven't. I haven't. No. Sabrina putty. I feel like. I'm trying. Yeah.
[00:10:38] Right? Clarice silly putty. So that's not bad. Thank you. But what's stopping? Like, you don't think it works. I don't think it works. I mean, her face is very animated in this, which is why I know she doesn't have Botox. And, you know, she's given face. I have many screen grabs on Lightroomoncourt.com. You can see all the Melissa Joan faces. The many faces. Melissa Joan faces. Melissa Joan faces. Yeah. That's exactly right. Yes. Okay. Jumping into the movie. Melissa Joan Hart.
[00:11:07] We start off. We're on, like, a football field, right? It's like. It's giving, like, Friday Night Lights. Yeah. Friday Night Lights. It's like the, you know, the drum lines. But Friday Night Lights has a much different vibe to what music was. You were. Okay. Fair. All right. I don't need to go any further. We'll get to the drum line conversation. I can picture it. Yes. And everyone in town is at the game, except for Melissa Joan Hart. Where is she? Where is she?
[00:11:36] She is, you know, coming in from home. She's like, sorry, I'm late. I've got pizza for dinner or something. And her teenage daughter, Grace, is like, what? Why weren't you at the football game, Mom? What's going on? And, yeah, that's pretty much the beginning. Yeah. Yeah. And you can tell, you know, Melissa Joan Hart says, like, one, like, you know, sassy thing to her daughter before bed. But it's like, okay, I mean, whatever. Yeah.
[00:12:06] But even in that moment, you're like, all right, I think I know who this person is. Because she's a lot. She's a lot. She's a lot. Yeah. And she just seems distracted. And she seems, like, very not interested in her daughter, like, concern about her or anything. We cut to six weeks earlier. Six weeks earlier. And we see that Melissa Joan Hart. Hold on. You skipped the part in the middle of the night. In the middle of the night. Yeah. In the middle of the night, there's a bang, bang, bang at the door.
[00:12:36] Bang. Oh, yes. There's a bang, bang, bang at the door. That is a big part. It's a big part. Patrick is not surprised, nor is he bothered by the fact that he missed a giant part of this movie. Okay, so it's the middle of the night. Bang, bang, bang on the door. And Melissa Joan Hart comes down. They open the door. It is the police. They come barging in. They are arresting Melissa Joan Hart. Oh, my gosh. They have a gun. And they say, is this? They hold the gun up here like this. Yeah, and they're like, is this yours? Is this gun yours?
[00:13:06] And she's like, I don't even own a gun. What? This is crazy. You must have something wrong. And then as she's being pulled out, she's like, I just explained to them, I know what this is about. I'm trying to get out. My daughter, you know, everybody's out, you know, trying to get at my daughter because, you know, she made the dance team, blah, blah, blah. I'll get all this straightened out. Now it's cut to six weeks earlier. Yes. I did forget the arrest. It's fine. It's fine.
[00:13:35] But it's clearly obvious they're setting it up. We're going to come back to it later. We're going to come back. Um, so we, we get the six weeks earlier. We see that Melissa Joan Hart is a major stage mom and not only like you can do it or like smile. Uh, she was a cheerleader and it's like, she's reliving her glory days. Yeah. Um, through her daughter. That's right. That's right.
[00:14:00] It's one of those things, you know, where remember in the file of deep dive when we went, when I watched, uh, uh, cheer mom. I know exactly. Yes. And I just talked about how, uh, I was just sad. Yeah. You know, I was sad that people were being mean to their kids because, you know, they wanted, they want to relive the cheerleader days. Whenever you see a parent like that, it's tough. And this is exactly, this is what Melissa Joan Hart's doing. She's, uh, she's, she's got a lot, a lot of thoughts on how her daughter should be cheering. So many thoughts.
[00:14:27] Um, and they're back in the hometown where Melissa Joan Hart grew up. So it's also adding to her like, Oh, I, I was actually the head cheerleader on this squad. Like you're my legacy daughter. You're going to let, I'm, you know, you're, you have to get this. It's, it's destined to you. That's exactly. Um, but also she, uh, calls her daughter to like fat. She's like, you know, you're, uh, I didn't write down exactly what she said, but she gets in a lot of digs at her daughter.
[00:14:57] Like smile. Uh, what's wrong with you? You buck tooth beaver. Uh, you know, like she didn't say buck beaver. I just, I made that one up. She didn't say smile. You buck tooth beaver. Imagine if she did. Imagine if she did. Yeah, Matt. Imagine. Yeah. No, I got it. Yeah. I'm here. Just as hurtful. Just as hurtful. Whatever she said. To imagine. Just as hurtful. The daughter, uh, is not the best cheerleader, but she can twirl the baton. Yeah. Their baton. Really? But is that, is that enough?
[00:15:27] That's the question. So it's time for tryouts and the pressure is pretty high. This is a, it's not like, you know, when you would try out for cheerleaders, I would imagine. When you try out for cheerleaders? Yeah. Most high schools. It's like, you know, yay. I got cheerleader. But this is like, it seems, it seems more like, uh, compared to like the, uh, boop, boop, boop. Uh, and New York City.
[00:15:53] You are talking like someone who just showed up on planet earth and is being described some of the basic machinations of high school. Uh, for the first time. New York. It's not like when you try out for cheerleader. The Rockets! The boop, boop, boop. All right, stop! It's, it's, they're describing it like it's a lot more like the Rockets. Like a very exclusive club. Yeah. You have to be like the same height. It's very serious, Patrick. That's what I'm trying to say.
[00:16:19] It's like that Cowboys cheerleader documentary that came out on Netflix where they all have to do high kicks together. You got a high kick together. And if you can't high kick together, then what are you doing? Then kick yourself out. I know I shouldn't ask. They made a documentary on the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders. Yeah. What? You haven't seen the Dallas Cowboy cheerleader Netflix documentary show? I have. No, talk about it. It's like eight episodes. Bran likes the documentary. I never watched the documentary.
[00:16:49] I'm asking you like that. Like the doc in general. No, no. Bran loves that documentary. I wasn't throwing, no, I've never heard of it. No, I didn't know. I don't know. I don't know much about this one. That's as close to sports as I get. Yeah. It's a cheerleader documentary about the Dallas Cowboys. So it's intense? Intense. Yeah. So intense. So is this. Yeah. So is this movie. So is this. And besides from how intense it is, is that Melissa Joan Hart is not, it's not open auditions.
[00:17:19] Okay. The parents can't be in there, but Melissa Joan Hart, after getting kicked out of the gym, hides behind some volleyballs that are on a rack. You know, she, and she, her head is like one of the volleyballs, Dan, like a Muppet movie. Like they're hiding. I'm here for the Muppets. It is so great. Here's a picture. Yes. So funny. Oh my God. I was like, Melissa Joan Hart, you're cracking me up.
[00:17:49] She's fantastic. She's fantastic. So good. Um, sorry. The rival, the rival is Hannah, Hannah Lee. Hannah Lee. Hannah Lee. Hannah Lee. Now here's the situation. Hannah Lee. Although this, this, uh, cheer team doesn't claim to have a captain. Hannah Lee is front and center. Defective captain. And Melissa Joan Hart knows that front and center means captain because she was front and center. She was front and center. Yeah.
[00:18:17] Um, the problem is, is Melissa Joan Hart's daughter is not as good as Hannah Lee and maybe not even good enough to make the team. And Melissa Joan Hart knows that. Yeah. I don't know. I mean, yeah, she knows and she's disappointed, but she knows that it's important for her to make the team. And she's, so she's going to fight. She's going to do whatever it takes to make sure that she makes the team. Because it's not just about cheerleading. It's also about your social status in high school.
[00:18:45] And Melissa Joan Hart doesn't want her daughter to be a loser. She multiple times says, daughter, if you don't make the squad, you're going to be a loser and you're going to have no friends and you're ugly. Right. And, uh, everyone's going to hate you. Now I, I gotta be honest with you. Um, at one point, and I don't know if it's at this point or a little bit later, but Melissa and Hart does this whole thing where she basically talks to her daughter about how important your social status is in high school. Cause it's how everybody will remember you.
[00:19:12] And she does this like thing where she's like, this guy is this, but I always remember that he slept through class or whatever. So it's like, no matter what you do in your life, you're always going to be reminded or remembered for what you did in high school. And I think that that's maybe just her.
[00:19:36] Well, you got literally on YouTube for your graduation speech where you had an Afro in high school, you had shaved it, you wore an Afro wig and at the end of the speech, you took off the wig, got them. If anyone was going to be remembered for what they did in high school, it would be you. Well, yeah. And you're not remembered for that. I think that it's one of those things where it's like, if you remember somebody from high school and unless you still know them, if you still know them, then you know them for
[00:20:05] what you know them for. Right. Is that crazy? Patrick. Well, I don't remember anything from high school. So, you know, it was just, it happened. And, uh, I left that in the past. I mean, I don't dwell on high school very much. And I was popular. I would say at least popular enough to not get like shoved into a locker or something. Right. Right. But Melissa Joan Hart is very preoccupied with the fact that you have to, you have to have this. She peaked in high school. Clearly she peaked in high school and it's damaged her sense. She peaked in high school. Yes.
[00:20:36] So, um, with Hannah Lee being the front runner, Melissa Joan Hart is obviously, uh, upset that because it's like a nepotism situation, the one she's trying to get as well. Uh, Hannah Lee's mom was also a cheerleader, uh, the same era as Melissa Joan Hart. Was she front and center though? She wasn't. Yeah. And the coach of the team was also, uh, around high school when Melissa Joan Hart. So she's taking it personally.
[00:21:06] Yes. Like they have a vedetta against her, um, you know, and they're taking it out on her daughter, which isn't fair because they all went to high school together. So, uh, she goes to the middle, Melissa Joan Hart goes to the school board. Um, and she, she basically like makes like a impassioned speech and Melissa Joan Hart shared this on her social media, like going for that Emmy campaign. It's not that dramatic, right?
[00:21:33] It's just like, everyone should be on the team or she's like, my daughter should be on the team. And the school basically says like, oh yes, your daughter should be on the team. And everybody who tried out should be on the team. That's right. That's right. So Melissa Joan Hart, when her daughter didn't make the team, she was like, I'm going to fight for you. And she won. She got her daughter on the team, but she's mad because not only did her daughter make the team, but every other person who tried out also now has to make the team. It's only fair.
[00:22:03] And so she's like, it's now no longer an exclusive club. It's not exclusive. It's not exclusive. Now you got these tall, tall girls and these other girls who aren't good in the dance thing. And I think she's, you know, a little bit missing the point here. That was what, you know, you can't, you can't like, I want my kid to make the team. Oh, everybody's making the team. It doesn't mean anything. That's exactly what she says. She's very, she's very mad about this. Sheesh. Yes. But no one else is on her level of mad.
[00:22:31] Like Hannah Lee welcomes Grace to the team. Hannah Lee's great. Well, she's so nice. And she like even invites Grace's boyfriend and best friend. Hey, you guys want to come be on the team? And they're like, we're good with it. We didn't even try out. But, you know, she's very nice. And so is the Hannah Lee's mom, Nicole, who is going to be the interim coach because the original coach quit because she was mad. The school board like ruled against her. Right. Her decisions.
[00:23:00] And obviously, Melissa Joan Hart, this isn't news to her because she's constantly hiding behind things at the gym to watch her daughter and to stay in the know. And if you think it's just a one time, Dan, you'd be wrong. She hides in the gym. What's that now? All the time. She's constantly hiding in the gym. Oh, no. She might have a second home there. I don't know. She wears, she wears a disguise too. She's got a brown wig and some sunglasses. It would be embarrassing if you were found out, if somebody recognized you. Yeah. It's not the best disguise.
[00:23:29] But, you know, it reminds me of when Britney Spears would go out in public and with the paparazzi and like wear like a really obvious wig and sunglasses, you know? Right. Classic. It's exactly like that. It's exactly like that. Don't make me sing. What if we disguised our way? Don't take a picture of me in disguise. What if we disguised our way to a break? I don't really know what that means, but what if we took a break? Oh, I like that plan for us. I like that too. What will we look like when we come back? I don't know. We'll have to watch Follow TV to find out. Okay. We'll be right back. We'll be right back.
[00:24:03] Uh-oh. We're back. Oh, would you look at that? Patrick, where'd Bran go? I feel like two of us are back. We took a break and Bran was, oh my God. I thought that was a horse. Turns out it's just Bran over here. It's me. Why'd you change your voice? I am a disguised Bran. Wow. This is stupid. And a horse. Yeah. Yeah. Go ahead, Patrick. Where are we at? Okay.
[00:24:33] All right. So, Melissa Joan Hart, she gives her daughter, like, they go shopping and stuff. And she gives her daughter a little makeover because she's a fat loser and her words. And, you know, suggests that Grace got a new boyfriend because Tyler, the boyfriend, is not cool enough. He's not popular enough to be her boyfriend. You know? Yes. Yes. And Grace is kind of like, I'm cool. Like, I'm okay.
[00:25:03] Like, I'm doing my thing. Don't worry about me, Mom. She talks to her dad and she's like, Dad, Mom's like really going off. I'm worried about her. Something's wrong. And the dad's like, oh, well, you know, we'll figure it out. So, Melissa Joan Hart, she goes shopping. She's inspired to go shopping. And she meets a sales clerk. And the sales clerk is very gay. Very gay sales clerk. We love him. Would have been my role if I was in this movie.
[00:25:33] And he calls Melissa Joan Hart as she's buying sunglasses for her daughter. But then eventually just decides to keep them for herself. Yes. He calls her a lawnmower mom. And I've never heard this term before. A lawnmower mom will run over anyone to get what they want for their child. That's right. And I would just say this. They will mow over.
[00:25:56] Before you call someone a lawnmower mom, you should think to yourself, will that person take that literally? And if you think that they might take it literally, don't call someone a lawnmower mom. Unfortunately, this guy did call Melissa Joan Hart a lawnmower mom. And Melissa Joan Hart thinks to herself, not a bad idea. So she hops in her car and she tracks down the boyfriend and runs him off the road. And it's basically like, stop it.
[00:26:26] Stop being around my daughter. And then she also does a thing where she texts him from Grace's phone about, like, we should get married or whatever, hoping that that would scare him off. Nothing is working. This guy, this high school boyfriend will not break up with this girl for any reason. An amazing high school boy who has his head on his shoulders, respects his girlfriend. Yep.
[00:26:55] And it's just like, you know what? We don't got to be in a hurry. No big deal. You're not going to scare me. Part of the course. Standard high school boy. I'm pretty sure there was a horror movie called The Lawnmower Man. Okay. I'm pretty sure there was. Like, I think it had Pierce Brosnan in it. And that's the only thing near that that I've ever heard. Lawnmower Man, 1992. Oh, look at that. Two hours and 21 minutes. But it's 1992 sci-fi horror movie. And it does have Pierce Brosnan in it. Oh, and Dean Norris as well. Look at that.
[00:27:26] Man, should we watch it? I guess so. Anyway. Okay, great. So she's actively trying to get them to break up, but it's not happening. She's scheming. She's scheming. She was already scheming, and now it's getting to be a deadly... Or wait, maybe she's killing the competition. Oh, interesting. Oh, I see what's going on. Interesting. Right? Makes sense. But Tyler, our boyfriend, who's just a little cutie, he's got the middle part, you know. He's purely...
[00:27:56] Sweet Tyler. Classic middle part. This is not a 30-year-old playing a high school student. This is a literal high school student who's got Captain Monroe. That's right. We call him Sweet Tea. Sweet Tea. Do we? Yes. He goes right to Grace, and he's like, Grace, your mom tried to kill me. You know, and she sent me these weird texts. And I just thought you should know. You know, like, I'm going to stick by your side and do whatever you need to do. But you should know that your mom's out here doing these things.
[00:28:24] And Grace is like, oh my gosh, I'm so sorry. This happens all the time. I've got to talk to my mom. So she talks to Melissa Joan Hart. They have a very intense kitchen talk. Yes. Have you ever had a kitchen talk with your parents? Oh, it's serious. You don't want to have a kitchen talk. Kitchen talk. Here's a kitchen talk I had one time. I, during the pandemic, I came home to be with my family for a month. And my friend sent me gummies in the mail.
[00:28:55] And I thought they were, like, sleepy gummies. But they were weed gummies. Oh, boy. And I took them. How many? I took two. Okay. And I don't know how many milligrams they were. It was a lot. Like, I was taking. I, like, had to take a shower to, like, get my brain right. And I was, like, feeling every strand of my hair as I'm, like, watching. You know? And I come downstairs in the kitchen. And I sit down.
[00:29:22] And my dad bought me this huge hoagie. Because I was. It was lunchtime. Yeah. And you were hot. And I was hot. I'm trying to eat this hoagie. And I'm, like, wow. I must be, like, just, like, looking so crazy. Because I was, like, feeling every, like, morsel in my mouth. Why did you take a sleep gummy before lunch? You know? I don't really know. There's something. I don't remember what. Not all tracking. I think Patrick knew it was a weed gummy.
[00:29:51] He was trying to save face. I didn't know what it was. But it was a weed gummy. I forget what I took it for. But it mustn't. So you read this hoagie. And then my parents are, like, in the kitchen doing their thing. But I think they're, like, staring at me like I'm crazy. So I put the hoagie down and say, Mom, Dad, can we talk about something? I need to talk about something. And they're looking at me like, Oh, my God. Oh, my God. What is he going to say? And I'm, like, I accidentally took weed gummies. And I'm really high right now.
[00:30:20] And they just busted out laughing in my face. They were, like, What? That is what you wanted to tell us? You made it sound so dramatic. So that's my kitchen talk. Your parents sound like the coolest. I got to be honest. Did you finish your hoagie? Oh, I did. But it took me probably three hours. Yeah. Yeah. To finish that hoagie. Yeah. At least it felt like three hours of it. Yeah. It was probably, like, three minutes. Probably ten minutes. Oh, I was there forever. Maybe ten seconds. And he just swallowed the whole thing.
[00:30:48] And then he was just like, Man, I'm eating this hoagie for hours. Never. It's still 12.15. I love a hoagie. Yeah. So be careful out there, friends. That's right. Yeah, be careful. All that to say, be careful. When you get gummies in the mail and they're sleep gummies and you want to take one bright and early in the morning, read that label. Yeah. You could be in for it. You don't know? They were loose. To be fair, they were just loose gummies in the mail.
[00:31:18] Oh, my God. They weren't in a package or anything? No. They were just like in a Ziploc bag? Perhaps in a Ziploc bag. That sounds like something Sarah would do. And you just went whole hog. You were just like, yeah, I'm going to take two of these bad boys. Yeah. I'm like, I'm just going to chill. I just need to chill. I'm going to take my 10 a.m. melatonin and I'm going to relax. Man, the confidence of Patrick Serrano, just a Ziploc bag full of gummies from a friend. I want to start sending my friends gummies in the mail and his Ziploc bags and just see
[00:31:48] what they do. I would. I'm dead serious. If you sent me a Ziploc bag full of gummies in the mail and we live next door, I wouldn't touch them. Yeah. I would. I would literally not touch them. Patrick's like, well, let's do two at once. See what happens. I'd give him a shot. Seems great. Seems great. Oh, my God. So the kitchen talk here doesn't go as well as mine did. Melissa Joan Hart lists every failure from childhood to Grace that she's ever done. That's right.
[00:32:15] And Grace is like, do you just stay up at night thinking about all the failures I've had? And she's like, yes. Yes, I do. Boy, I know. It's like there's there's mommy dearest. Right. Mommy dearest. And then there's Melissa Joan Hart in this movie. They're very close. They're very close.
[00:32:45] So funny. It's so funny. It's so funny. She she just that she always zigs when you think she's going to zag, you know, like it's an emotional conversation. And then all of a sudden she's like, yeah, I do keep a list about all the terrible things we've done. God, that's right. So Melissa Joan Hart is beginning to spiral a bit. I think that's safe to say. Yeah. And she begins to realize that, you know, she finds out that people are like laughing about her.
[00:33:13] She once again is going to try to make her daughter and Tyler break up. She's like, Tyler's cheating on you. Everybody at school is laughing at you. Nobody likes you. It's like this whole thing. And but like during the day, Grace is like doing great. Great boyfriend. Once again, shout out Sweet T. Shout out Sweet T. Great relationship with all the cheerleaders. It's like going great for her. And so she's like she doesn't like she can't understand like what is my mom talking about?
[00:33:42] Like why is she saying these things? Is there anything true about them? She's having a very tough time about this. Well, and don't forget, Grace gets the baton twirling solo. That's right. In the big cheer choreography. Pretty big deal. Everyone knows that. But you guys don't know that because obviously you've never been a cheerleader. Uh, baton twirling is not a cheerleading skill.
[00:34:07] Yeah, I was thinking I really was thinking that only because I have a cousin who was in color guard for years and would talk about twirling. And she's very, very good at it and still does it like on the club level in college. And I thought that was she goes to the club and she goes to the club. That it would be more on that end of it than on the cheer end of it. But I didn't know, so I didn't say anything. But I'm glad to have some confirmation there. Yeah.
[00:34:31] Um, I also have a cousin who is very, uh, very prolific in baton twirling and would compete in national competitions. Ooh, which cousin do you think is better? I mean, if your cousin competed in national. They probably know each other. Yeah, national. My cousin is only probably 20 right now and she competes with a club. She competed all through high school and then when she went to college, she now competes at the club level. I don't know if she competes in the national level, but shout out to you, Emily Stack, still crushing it. Shout out, Emily. That's right.
[00:35:01] Do you want to shout out your cousin? Um, no, I will leave them a mystery because they probably would like their baton twirling pass to be left in the past. Okay. All right. That's a mystery for sure. I feel like, I feel like my cousin got burned. You know, it was like, I'm ready for the Olympics. And the Olympics said, we don't want you. We don't believe in your sport. Your sport is just give me, give me a pencil. I can twirl that around like whatever. Now Patrick is ridiculing twirling. Yeah.
[00:35:33] That was the Olympic. I got you. Yeah. Listen, cheerleading is serious business. Yes, what you need to know. That's what you need to know. And that's what this movie is showcasing. It's very serious. I just got a text from our producer that says this movie is about a dance team, not about cheerleading. And that is a very big distinction that no one made until this very moment. Hmm. Hmm. Well, we didn't notice that. We saw cheerleading in the title and assumed it was cheerleading. Yeah. Fair. Fair. Yeah.
[00:36:01] That does explain why there was chairs on the football field. Now it makes more sense. Because the chairs don't belong in cheerleading. Okay. Anyways, Melissa Joan Hart purchases a gun for self-defense. Yes. What's the self-defense? It literally on IMDb says, killing the competition. A loving mother becomes enraged after her daughter is cut from her alma mater's dance team. Yeah. But look at the, look at, they got the little things. Pom poms? They got pom poms. Dance team has those? Yeah. I gotta be honest, guys.
[00:36:31] I don't know the difference between the two of the two. Oh my God. Do you remember that movie we watched called Gotta Kick It Up? Yes. Dance team. Dance team. Had pom poms. Oh, and we had this whole conversation. We did. Had the whole thing. That's when I learned. Believe it or not, still foggy on the distinction between the two. Yeah. Still foggy. Yeah. Still foggy. You know, I know a difference between a pom squad and a cheerleading squad. And look, this movie was ambiguous about it. Okay. Listen, all I gotta say is as long as they're not mysteriously mannequins, I'm fine.
[00:37:01] You can be a dance team cheerleading team. I'm fine as long as you're actual people. And they are people. Right. People, right? They are. Okay, great. And Melissa Joan Hart, full disguise, gets a gun. Yep. Brings the gun to Hannah Lee's house. Uh-oh. Hannah Lee! And Hannah Lee. Hannah Lee and her mom, Nicole, are there. And they, uh, she pulls a gun on them. She's like, all right, I'm gonna kill you guys. I gotta be honest, bro. I don't know her plan.
[00:37:31] I don't know what her plan is. She has no plan. In this moment. Um. Just, just good. I feel like she just went there on a whim. So the good news is, Hannah Lee's mom just stepped in cat poop. And so she doesn't have her shoes on. So she can't go outside. I'm gonna break. So she can't go outside. So Melissa Joan Hart, being respectful of that, says, go get your shoes. And while she's doing that, she just takes Hannah Lee and takes her.
[00:38:01] And, and, and, uh, you know, kidnaps her basically. And brings her to her, uh, special shed. A shed full of high school memorabilia. That's right. A special she shed. It's a special she shed. Say that. Full of high school stuff. The crowns. Her old cheer uniform, which she makes Hannah Lee get in because she's the right size, unlike her daughter. Her words, not mine. I'm not saying that.
[00:38:30] Uh, her words were, uh, yeah. Maybe you'll fit in it. Unlike my daughter. Yeah. So, uh, which she does. And then she makes her like dance for her, which I found to be weird. And like, like, Hey, can you do a dance? Can you do a, can you do a split? Like, show me, show me, like, show me your stuff. And no. And Hannah Lee does. Now, while all this is happening. No, no, no. Uh, it's time for the game. And everybody's like, where's Hannah Lee? We don't know. Where's Melissa Joan Hart?
[00:38:59] We don't know. Could they be together in the she shed? Could be, but we're not, we're not going there right now. So, and, uh, so that's where we're at. Uh, Hannah Lee having to do dances for Melissa Joan Hart in the she shed. That's where we're at currently. God, that is terrifying. I know. And Melissa Joan Hart is just like eating it up. She's like, you know, going full force. Like with the mom, with the shoes, the mom's like, oh, I don't have my shoes. And Melissa Joan Hart's like, get those shoes. Get out of my face.
[00:39:28] Like, she's just like a 10 here. What I love about this though, is Hannah Lee was like, don't take my mom. Just take me. She doesn't have her shoes on. And Melissa Joan Hart's like, that's actually not a bad, you know, you bring up a good point. And she's like, no, go get your shoes. She like forgot for a second that she was kidnapping people and decided to be like, considerate. You know what? Go get your shoes. Cause her mom, uh, Hannah Lee was like, you can't make her walk outside barefoot. It could hurt her feet.
[00:39:57] Melissa Joan Hart's like, great point. Good point. Go get your shoes. Well, Melissa Joan Hart with Hannah Lee, she's, she's like, you know, telling Hannah Lee all about her high school experience, how great it was. And she's like, you know what? Maybe Grace isn't the best project. Like maybe you're my project, Hannah Lee. Like I'm going to make you the most popular girl because it's just not working out with my daughter. And now you're going to be my little, um, like pet project or whatever. That's right.
[00:40:25] And she's like, she's like, no, she's like, I don't want to do this. Um, so they get into a fight. They get into a squabble. Yes. Yes. And you, and, uh, most of your hearts like you, you're this, you made me do this. And like holding the gun up and Hannah Lee knocks it out. And then he, then she hits her in the head with the thing and strangles her. And we're like, oh my gosh, Hannah Lee's dead. Melissa Joan Hart. It's a long strangle. Melissa Joan Hart just killed Hannah Lee.
[00:40:55] And that's dark. Right. And she leaves, she leaves Hannah Lee. She like, you know, is like, okay, I'm just going to go home. Like nothing happened. And this is the part where Melissa Joan Hart comes back and her daughter's like, why weren't you at the football game? And she's like, I brought dinner. Like, relax everybody. That's exactly right. I brought dinner. Everyone get off my case. But here's, yeah, here's the twist, Dan. Hannah Lee, not dead. What?
[00:41:25] Mm-hmm. She, she like gasps like up, you know, when you sit up and you're like, like that. Yeah. You strangle someone for a long time. Eventually they might go. So you just gotta, you gotta check that out. You gotta check that out. And if, in case I strangle anybody one day. In case you strangle me, make sure I'm really dead. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Well, according to Drew Bear, my former producer, he always said, you gotta strangle somebody a really long time to kill them.
[00:41:54] Like 30 minutes or more to like kill them. Right. So you can't just strangle someone until they're out. No way to know that unless you've done it. I mean, right. Well, I don't ask true questions. I just let him do what he does. But yes, I always remember that in these, in these movies. Cause I'm like, that wasn't 30 minutes. I didn't get a 30 minute strangle scene. That was not 30 minutes. It was a long time though. I was surprised she, I was surprised that they were showing it, you know, cause it's an adult strangling a teenager.
[00:42:21] But also I was surprised that, uh, it was as long as it was, but it didn't work 30 minutes or more. Everyone knows it. Well, and of course, police, uh, you know, so she's in her mom, like finds her in the car or whatever. Um, like, Hey, this lady kidnapped me. And, uh, that's why she got arrested. And she left the gun behind. Like a moron. Melissa Hart left the gun behind.
[00:42:51] It's her garage. I know it's her. It's her. She shed. Uh, but still specials. She should. I can't say special. She said very fast. I can't imagine you trying it. Special. She shed five times. Special. She said special. She said, no, it's hard. It's tough. Yeah. It's a tough spot. That's a hard one. Uh, so Melissa Hart is arrested and, um, goes to court and it's bad. She's guilty. And we, she tries to do the speech again.
[00:43:18] Like I was popular and my daughter isn't. And you should give me leniency for this. And she doesn't get any. That's right. That's right. Um, in the slammer, she's in the slammer. Her family goes to visit her, but, um, you know, is not happy when she finds out that her daughter's going to a community college. Um, and I say that as somebody who went to community college.
[00:43:41] Uh, and, um, then after she gets done talking to her real daughter, she walks and she sees another girl there sad and she goes and she hands her a cookie and she's like, you know, maybe you should smile a little bit. The girl smiles and she's back at it again. And that's the killer, killer time. What is it? Killer competition. Killer competition. Killing the competition. That's right. Yeah. She hasn't learned her lesson.
[00:44:11] No, she's not. And, uh, no, she's not. So now on the podcast, we decide if we're going to put a cork in it, which means no, thank you, or pour it up, which means yay. Dan, you haven't seen the movie based on our description and your imagination. What are you going to do to this movie? So this is a tough spot because from all accounts, this is Melissa Joan Hart, just full bore going nuts. So, and I think there's some fun to be had there.
[00:44:39] Um, it also doesn't sound like too terribly fun time. I get the feeling you guys are both going to pour it up based upon how it was described to me. And the fact that I've heard from both of you, she's had a 10 numerous times and she's a child, former child star of the nineties at a 10. And I don't think it would be for me still, but I, I don't, I can't say I'm not tempted by just the idea of Melissa Joan Hart going full crazy as a mom. I'm going to put a cork in it, a tentative, put a cork in it for me. That's where I'm going. All right. Fair enough.
[00:45:10] Um, I'm going to put a cork in this one. Oh, okay. And it's tough because I think most of Joan Hart is giving, um, uh, a swell performance. She's doing a really good job. I, I have a weird like thing where you can't like in these movies, you can be mean to strangers. You can kill who you want to. I don't really care. But once you start being mean to your own kid, I start getting sad. Even in lifetime movies. Even in lifetime movies. Okay. In this movie, I just kind of ended up being sad, uh, which, uh, I don't know if, I mean,
[00:45:39] I'm sure that's what they were going for a little bit, but I was like, I don't want it. I didn't want to be sad. So I put a cork in it. True. Yes. We don't like to be sad. And I think this movie, you're right. Brand was trying to go for the feels. So like it, they didn't really have like the lifetime, like background music, uh, that they normally have. Like the soundtrack was like when they were having these heated conversations, it was pretty much at face value. So like no underscoring nothing. Yeah.
[00:46:07] Um, and yeah, the, um, making fun of kids. Isn't funny, but isn't it kind of fun? So this is a tough spot. This is a tough one because for some reason I just didn't find this one fun. Like I think back to the one that we watched last year with the mom who had all the phones. Remember that one? Yeah. And that one was like just so crazy that I think it still had some fun to it.
[00:46:34] This wasn't like, I just didn't find this one to be fun in the least. And you know, maybe kudos to Melissa Joan Hart's performance. Like she was just so unrelenting and mean that I was just like, wow. Wow. Not my, she was too good. Not my witch. Going full bore. Yeah. Okay. She might've been too good. I, I poured it up to be fair for her performance. Um, I thought she did a really good job. I like her going more crazy than playing like the, the like boring mom role. She's been like a boring mom in a couple of these.
[00:47:05] Um, so I poured it up for her, but now that I'm thinking about the movie overall, I think I understand you guys, your, uh, kind of concerns. So I will put a cork in it, even though my blog says pour it up. Yeah. You've already, yeah. You've already poured some wine out. Are you just corking it for later or what are you doing? No, I'm just putting a cork in the movie overall. I think I've talked myself into the movie. Maybe, maybe I was caught up in the Melissa Joan heart of it all.
[00:47:35] I think that's fair. I almost poured it up purely for that. She was really, she was a really good villain. There you go. For what it's worth. She was a really good villain. Uh, well, we did it everybody. Now are we smack, we're smacked up in the middle of a killer cheerleader month. Is that right? Or dance team, if you will. I think it was more of a teaser because what's been coming after this is not. What's coming. We got the, we got the Octomom. Octomom just happened. I know you guys.
[00:48:01] And Natalie Suleiman was, uh, like, I guess she's a producer or something on that movie. So she interjects the movie with her. Like, it's like her face talking. Oh my gosh. That's awful. What happened? Nothing. Yeah. It was, it was pretty not great. So what happened in this scene? See? Yeah. Yeah. Explaining what you just saw. Yeah. She's like, don't judge me. Don't be a hater. Oh, she's like very traumatized.
[00:48:29] Good thing she didn't have social media back in the day because, uh, I don't know if she would have survived. So, yeah. So stuff like that, you know, we're still doing the biopics and all that type of stuff. And you know what? But I think we're due here soon for a, uh, lifetime game, uh, show Palooza. The annual, annual. Annual. I think we're. Oh, yeah. Fourth annual? It's almost time. Yeah. It's almost time. Well, you guys, Miss Vivica put out a, uh, wrong movie. Ooh. Another wrong movie. The wrong. Hmm. I have to look at it. It's one of them. The wrong something. Yeah.
[00:48:59] The wrong something. But it was peripheral. It was like, uh, like a stalker or something. So like the person didn't choose the wrong thing. The wrong thing happened to her. You know? They just run out. They've just run out of things. The wrong obsession. Yeah. Ooh. They've run out. I mean, there's definitely more, but. Maybe we need to do that. We need it. I, I, I needed one of those ASAP is what I need. I need it ASAP. Um, all right. Well, we did everybody, uh, lifetime on cork.com for all of Patrick's wonderful reviews.
[00:49:29] Not just what we talk about, uh, on this show, uh, but also all the movies. You just cover all the lifetime movies. So, uh, go check that out. Anything else for the people? That's it. Come on back next time for another one. Until then, maybe the first to wish you a Merry Christmas. Deck the Hallmark is a Bramble Jam podcast is produced by Aaron Shea. What? For more information on Deck the Hallmark, you can go to deckthehallmark.com. For more information on the Deck the Hallmark family, you can go to bramblejamplus.com. Deck the Hallmark is presented by Philo.
[00:49:55] For a free trial of Philo, go to philo.tv slash DTH. You're about to hear some ads that help keep the lights on here in the old studio. Thanks for listening or don't listen. It's really up to you at this point. It's at the end of the show. I mean, you're listening to me. Hi. But here they come. I promise they're coming. Yep. Here they are.
[00:50:24] Happy day.