How the Gringo Stole Christmas (Starz - 2023) ft. Alonso Duralde

[00:00:00] Hi, I'm Brandon. I love stars Christmas movies. I'm Dan and I despise stars Christmas movies

[00:00:08] I'm Alonzo and what's a black hole again? And this is the Deck The Hallmark podcast

[00:00:14] Deck The Hallmark, it's this podcast

[00:00:17] We hope you like this jolly podcast

[00:00:27] Wow, oh my goodness. It is great to be here today. Another Monday, another, I don't know, I don't want to say a dive. It is a, I don't know, a

[00:00:45] tepid entry into the world of 2023. That is as kind as you could be. I, a dog paddle. Yeah, we're just, we're just seeing what's out there. We're just trying. Yes. We're just kind of like, oh, yeah. This is this is our make us thankful for Hallmark tour.

[00:01:01] We're currently on the Hallmark is could be worse. Yeah, homework isn't so bad tour. That's what we do here on Monday, the Monday edition of the watching the stars movie how the gringo stole Christmas stalled, stole Christmas. A movie that has I believe five production companies attached to it which is fun. Did you know did you see how long it took?

[00:01:26] Alonzo. Yeah, it's like pretty much anytime I see a movie from another country like it's inevitable that there's a good half dozen production entities plus like National Film Bureau plus like the British lottery like you never it's just like it's just logo logo logo logo and that's just

[00:01:45] like, you know, some stuff gets made. Did you see have you seen the late night with the devil movie Alonzo? Yes, that movie I don't think I've seen a movie with more product like that was that's a bunch. Yeah, like it didn't get 10 bucks like what's going on even the crowd was like

[00:02:04] laughing by the end. It's a lot. It's a lot. This movie has one production studio for every 12 minutes of film.

[00:02:13] That's how they do it. It's the short one. It's a short short movie. Can I interest you in 12 minutes of a George Lopez?

[00:02:19] It is. They're vignettes. I'll take a flyer like scenes from a marriage but a little pluckier.

[00:02:28] Jumping around putting quotes on the screen.

[00:02:33] 77 minutes of pure gold is what they say that we have a long road ahead.

[00:02:39] Do you remember when George Lopez played that tiny role in the train movie and by train I mean Colorado.

[00:02:45] Yes, I absolutely do. And I guess he was furiously taking notes.

[00:02:51] So while we were watching this movie we're like why but he has a lot of work. I think he just enjoys working.

[00:02:59] My thought was do you think that he took that role with like hey hopefully I get to do more with Hallmark and then he didn't so he did now this movie.

[00:03:07] It's one of the big mysteries is why you would take a role where your two scenes as a bellhop in a movie.

[00:03:13] I don't know.

[00:03:15] I mean there is that thing when you're like you're famous and maybe he is like a closet Hallmark fan and it was like oh I would love to come in for a day and be the bell captain or whatever it was he was playing in that movie.

[00:03:26] You know just for the to say you did it and to like look back on it fondly but yeah clearly if or he had a whole new sort of career path in mind which was to make movies like this on an annual basis.

[00:03:38] It's always like you know it wasn't the problem is it wasn't a cameo. You know I mean if it's a cameo.

[00:03:45] Oh my gosh George Lopez but you're like is that George Lopez. He's been around for two scenes and that's one too many for a cameo but not enough.

[00:03:55] Maybe he really resents Mario Lopez and wants to get in on that sweet sweet present action.

[00:04:00] That might be. But we were I was you know scrolling as I'm to be he's had three different sitcoms the late night show like he's he's done a lot.

[00:04:10] Yes he's done a lot.

[00:04:12] Like that old SNL sketch about James Franco. He likes jobs.

[00:04:15] He likes jobs.

[00:04:17] Yeah let's see. That's the only thing I figure here. This is the second I believe stars Christmas movie we've watched.

[00:04:24] Maybe this maybe the third was the was the meaning that Christmas with the candles was that stars.

[00:04:31] Wasn't that Comedy Central.

[00:04:33] No it wasn't Comedy Central.

[00:04:36] Maybe stars and that one actually I think even had a hot second in theaters.

[00:04:41] Christmas and well we did the Christmas in Paradise which was the sequel to Father Christmas.

[00:04:46] Oh that. But the one I'm thinking of is do you remember the one where oh gosh who's the guy.

[00:04:55] Oh there was one other one that I'm thinking of and it's really weird with the glasses. Do you remember the glasses.

[00:05:01] Oh yes I know exactly what you're talking about the yeah and Tom Arnold's in it.

[00:05:07] Tom Arnold yes. You're the Tom Arnold movie.

[00:05:09] That was a star's joint. You're right.

[00:05:11] So they've been weird. They've been weird.

[00:05:14] Hey the stars has a movie from 2013 called All Is Bright which is Paul Rudd and Paul G. Amati.

[00:05:23] Oh right right I saw that one yeah.

[00:05:25] That's it I've never heard of that for those two stars in it be a Christmas movie I've never heard of it.

[00:05:29] There's a reason why.

[00:05:31] I feel like now's the time but I feel like maybe I would like it then since Alonzo doesn't like all my favorite Christmas movie.

[00:05:37] Is this a reach.

[00:05:39] The heights of daddy's home too.

[00:05:41] Yeah where would you put it. Where would you put it if you had to daddy's home too one of the worst Christmas movies I've ever seen ever.

[00:05:48] That's like sort of mealy apples and pulpy oranges.

[00:05:56] Okay.

[00:05:58] Yes say no more.

[00:06:00] Let's dive into this stars movie how the gringo stole Christmas that originally premiered on December 1st 2023 and it went a little something.

[00:06:11] Like this.

[00:06:13] Leif is just about to just about to tell his girlfriend Claudia that they are going to spend Christmas together in a closed location on this close location.

[00:06:25] But just as he's about to tell her she gets a call from dad and dad says you're coming home for Christmas I don't care what you gotta do we have to spend Christmas together like we did when you were a kid will do all the things.

[00:06:38] Leif here overhears all of this and is like good news got us tickets to LA let's go do this thing spend Christmas with your family and she's like I don't want to throw you into the life of my crazy family like that.

[00:06:54] But he's like you know what if it's going to make you happy it'll make me happy what a guy what a guy.

[00:06:58] Now the thing about Leif is he couldn't be more white.

[00:07:02] He is very white and George Lopez is not happy about that when they show up George Lopez the dad is like what's going on here he storms out he one didn't know that she was bringing home somebody didn't know that she had a boyfriend and didn't know anything about Leif so it's very shocked by all that he storms out

[00:07:20] and when he comes back in he sees Leif helping his wife with a yoga pose and freaks out she's like what are you doing what are you doing with my wife.

[00:07:30] After some convincing George Lopez decides to give him a shot and immediately a surprise at how good Leif is at landscaping.

[00:07:39] George Lopez wants to spend some time with his daughter like the good old days so he takes her to cheesy Chuck like you know they used to and it does not go well she decides that she's just going to leave.

[00:07:50] She's going to wait for the ride she's going to walk home she's caught by a sweet talking Javier friend from you know when they were growing up and he's like getting a ride sexy lady.

[00:08:02] He brings her home and Leif is immediately jealous of this guy he's talking about salsa and all this stuff but it doesn't last long because she teaches him how to salsa dance it's very sweet very nice.

[00:08:13] That ends up with George Lopez coming home also salsa dancing and falling down into a chicken mud pie I don't know how to describe it.

[00:08:24] They all decide that they're going to go play they're all going to go play some Christmas Eve soccer and Leif has never played before doesn't even know the rules.

[00:08:33] She's kind of surprised by everything that's going on he is frustrated he ends up getting the ball he kicks it as hard as he can and it ends up hitting George Lopez right in the face.

[00:08:43] Knocking him out George Lopez has a vision while he's unconscious of his family like being more like whites and like he comes to and Leif is is there asking if he can propose to Claudia which by the way bad timing life.

[00:09:00] Yeah just like read the room a little bit George Lopez does not answer him doesn't say a word to him instead he comes out there's a Christmas party going on and he says this gringo stole Christmas.

[00:09:15] Claudia is like you're the one that's ruining Christmas George Lopez Christmas is supposed to be for everyone.

[00:09:21] Leif says I've tried everything to impress you I've tried everything to make you happy I even went above and beyond and asked your permission to propose to your daughter which Claudia did not know that she's like what almost faints almost faints.

[00:09:36] Leif decides it is best if he leaves and the final conversation between him and Claudia isn't the best.

[00:09:43] He's like maybe like this just isn't going to work like in general because of all the all the friction here George realizes that he done goofed so he tells the family load up we're going to go catch him at the airports.

[00:09:56] They try to take his truck doesn't work out they try to take the low rider doesn't work out they get there eventually though they make it but they can't get through security but then George Lopez sees Leif and tackles him.

[00:10:07] They both get put in handcuffs but not before Leif puts the ring in his mouth and asks Claudia to marry him and she says yes luckily I guess they didn't have to do any jail time they spend Christmas together as a family dancing and doing weird straight to camera confetti.

[00:10:26] They're professionals for no reason and now my friends was how the gringo stole Christmas we did it.

[00:10:36] We did do it we're going to take a quick break we'll come back and we'll break this movie down here on deck the hallmark.

[00:10:42] Well hello everybody it's Monday we're back in 2023 we finally made it over to stars for how the gringo stole Christmas and we're all better for it.

[00:11:03] Super festive here today.

[00:11:05] Let's break it down we're going to start with the hot take as we're sure exactly how he felt about this movie we do not hold back and I'm going to throw it to one of the hottest takers.

[00:11:12] I know Alonzo.

[00:11:16] Well I'll tell you there are some of these movies that kind of just turned me into lurch from the Adams family where all I can say is man man this one's grim and I'll tell you I like Jack Kilmer a lot like he was in this movie called The Stanford prison experiment I thought he was great in that really good in Palo Alto.

[00:11:43] This movie is doing him and everyone else zero favors.

[00:11:48] This is the kind of movie where as Dan pointed out earlier they love to periodically interrupt the action by filling the screen with total cliches but in two languages so you know don't judge a book by its cover every cloud has this overlining at least are literally the intertitles for this movie.

[00:12:05] Yeah you're not making anything up here.

[00:12:07] There is a scene there is a moment early on where the daughter narrates once once and it never comes up again.

[00:12:15] The idea that oh I don't want to throw you into the deep end of my crazy family at Christmas.

[00:12:21] Jack Kilmer is lucky that he's in a low budget movie because for any Hispanic family to be one daughter one aunt one grandma and the parents and that's it at Christmas time.

[00:12:32] That's a lucky break for any white boy outsider because usually you know ask Dave White about the time we went to Spain and would have like dinner with 60 people that I was related to you know and having to do the murder board to figure out who they all were and how you know we were connected.

[00:12:50] Yeah this movie is terrible.

[00:12:53] I think Alonzo is being really hard after last week you know I just think he's becoming the grumpy one.

[00:12:59] You've broken me.

[00:13:01] I'll spoil it.

[00:13:03] Dan liked the movie.

[00:13:05] We'll get to it.

[00:13:07] We'll get to it I'm sure.

[00:13:09] Yeah this movie is like starts off with it not being good.

[00:13:14] You can kind of figure it out pretty quickly so it's not going to be good but there's also just like really weird choices along the way.

[00:13:21] Really weird camera choices.

[00:13:22] Like out the I made this this this joke in the middle of the movie that they randomly do like these like little zoom ins or something kind of like you're watching a reality TV show and then for reasons I don't know the movie ends as if it is a reality TV show with the talking head

[00:13:41] confessionals and I don't know why I don't know why they did it and what's crazy is even with the five minutes of confessionals at the end of this movie is still only an hour and 20 minutes.

[00:13:52] And with the five nineteen with credit with the five minutes of confessionals at the end all of the random sayings that pop on the screen and then just the amount of random dancing that happens in this movie.

[00:14:05] I think you end up with maybe about an hour of actual.

[00:14:09] So kind.

[00:14:11] And then the substance that you're left with is head scratching like there are some things that are said this movie that you're like I don't I'm offended somehow and so I don't really know what happened.

[00:14:25] I don't know how it how it happened.

[00:14:27] I know there's a lot of companies that to make it happen and I think they should all get a refund.

[00:14:32] I don't think that they paid for paid.

[00:14:35] They got what they paid for in this case really.

[00:14:39] I'm sorry we were promised a movie.

[00:14:41] Really really unfortunate across this is not film.

[00:14:48] This would not appear on a podcast of the cinema.

[00:14:50] This is a movie in the purest term.

[00:14:55] Listen man.

[00:14:56] Lion's Gate the first one out of the gate.

[00:14:58] They said let's try our hand at this.

[00:14:59] All I know is this is we watch a lot of movies here at Deck the Hallmark.

[00:15:03] We have a lot of fun doing it but most movies have something that becomes their defining trait like the movies on Hallmark that are my least favorite ones that are just boring like every for every year at Christmas season.

[00:15:16] There's four or five in the mix.

[00:15:18] The thing that always comes to mind is the the Lindy booth cleaning the the old house with the veteran movie.

[00:15:23] There's some reason that movie sticks out as the most boring like it just kind of is then we watch some movies here like Christmas in Carolina that are so terrible.

[00:15:33] They look like like they tried to make it bad and they become funny.

[00:15:37] This may be like the concentrate the pure unadulterated worst movie I've watched for this podcast.

[00:15:43] It is you have Jack Kilmer in a role that you would think if you didn't know anything about Jack Kilmer that he got the role because he's Val Kilmer's son and Val's just trying to get him in the movies.

[00:15:58] But this guy as Alonzo has already mentioned isn't established actor and he's in this movie George Lopez.

[00:16:05] Listen there is there are I firmly believe they made about 50% of a movie here and some hotshot editor came in and said I can make it a whole movie.

[00:16:18] It became a name that to situation.

[00:16:21] I can make it a whole movie with just what you've made right now and Lopez was like good I want to go home because they it is so slapdash put together.

[00:16:30] It is like every day was directed by someone different.

[00:16:34] One morning the director got up and watched like a night's worth of Tony Scott Denzel Washington shaky cam and said we're doing this today.

[00:16:42] I'm shaking the heck out of this camera.

[00:16:44] I'm going to shake it.

[00:16:46] Your head's gonna hurt.

[00:16:48] This movie at the beginning of the movie treats a cab ride as if it's a high speed chase.

[00:16:52] What's gonna happen?

[00:16:53] Yeah there are there are three characters in this movie that are just low riders across the street that are in this car that has hydraulics and Lopez makes fun of them for not having a job or whatever.

[00:17:05] And they're just there.

[00:17:07] And if you take out their scenes where they're just dancing and the interstitials in this movie it is now qualified as a short film.

[00:17:15] It doesn't meet the standard for film length.

[00:17:19] The guys across the street like the Greek chorus who add nothing to the proceeding.

[00:17:24] Yeah narratively or anything.

[00:17:26] Anything that is happening in this movie is like it has been done to the it is like the 12th carbon copy of meet the parents like they steal the Ben Stiller Robert De Niro I think straight from them.

[00:17:40] They steal stuff from guess who's coming to dinner and they do it so like it is it is mind boggling how that what we see is considered a movie.

[00:17:52] And then there are totally the shifts are so drastic I just this was such a mess if the 79 minutes felt like 790 minutes.

[00:18:03] It might be the worst we've ever seen it is it is awful and not fun.

[00:18:06] Not a go watch this with a few beers and a laugh. Just don't watch it. Don't watch it. Don't watch it. Don't watch it. It's terrible.

[00:18:13] I was I mean George Lopez is still George Lopez like there's still some times where I'm like that's fine.

[00:18:18] It's like Tim Allen occasionally the way Tim Allen says something against all odds is funny and you're like I can't believe I laughed for that.

[00:18:26] I can't believe I did. That's what happens here. Occasionally George Lopez runs into one.

[00:18:30] You know you throw him enough softballs. Occasionally he launches one out of the park.

[00:18:36] He's a lot more fun in Blue Beetle if you didn't see that.

[00:18:40] Really fun.

[00:18:42] The Beatles in this movie. That's all you need.

[00:18:45] I think that he also has the same truck as the one that he had in blue.

[00:18:50] I think I think he had the truck from Blue Beetle was like let's make a movie.

[00:18:54] I'll just roll over. I'll come over.

[00:18:56] These are the days he wasn't needed on Blue Beetle.

[00:18:57] I'm in town. Let me keep the truck. I'm in town. Let's do this thing.

[00:19:03] It's time for all the fields. When we talk about what in this movie gave us feels.

[00:19:08] Alonzo.

[00:19:10] So Mariana Trevino plays the mom and you'll remember that we saw her as the chef in El Sabur de la Navidad.

[00:19:19] That big movie.

[00:19:21] She's so good in that movie.

[00:19:28] That was a good movie.

[00:19:30] Good feels too. Good great movie. Good feels.

[00:19:33] I think that does under underline the entire problem here which is there are people that we know are talented that are in this and it's the worst movie of all time.

[00:19:43] It's not like people's first time acting like everyone involved but you know has done this before.

[00:19:50] And better and better far better far better.

[00:19:54] Yes.

[00:19:55] I like the cactus shaped Christmas tree for 500.

[00:19:59] I like the idea of it.

[00:20:02] I like the idea.

[00:20:04] For people that live by cacti.

[00:20:08] Yeah.

[00:20:10] He sees like four or five times that he's going to get a traditional Christmas tree like a real Christmas tree and he comes in with that thing and you're like.

[00:20:18] Yeah definitely not traditional but I don't know if I'm I don't know I'm trying.

[00:20:25] I'm over here just trying Dan.

[00:20:27] I'm going to take my pass on trying.

[00:20:30] I'm taking my past to tell you that there is no the limit does not exist on how much I hated this movie.

[00:20:37] There's a no go for me.

[00:20:38] Did you search your heart Dan.

[00:20:40] I did search my heart a big empty cavern in there for this movie.

[00:20:43] For this movie.

[00:20:45] I'm not heartless contrary to the opinion of a lot of people especially hard to have a heart to search.

[00:20:50] That's right.

[00:20:51] You had a heart to search.

[00:20:53] I'll say a quick break we'll come back we'll get to the way what and the stars stars align stars align stars align here on the homework.

[00:20:59] Welcome back everybody.

[00:21:01] We are unfortunately talking about the gringo that stole Christmas 2023 stars movie.

[00:21:07] Let's get to the way what we're talking about what made us go wait what hour and 20 minutes is there enough to go around.

[00:21:14] Let's find out if there are any Alonzo.

[00:21:17] Okay so I know that said that's not going to be a good idea.

[00:21:20] What time is it?

[00:21:22] I don't know if there are any Alonzo.

[00:21:24] Okay so I know that setting a movie in Los Angeles a Christmas time you know like a freeze you have having to do the fake snow bit or the cotton batting or whatever.

[00:21:37] But December in LA is not the same as July in LA and based on the way the sun is shining on these people the way that the temperature it seems to be this movie was shot in July with that in the attempt to even pretend like it's December where one might wear you know a light wrap something.

[00:21:57] You know the sun would be not quite so glaring down and this also carries over into the one scene in the film that's supposed to be set in New York City in December.

[00:22:08] That is also obviously LA in July and they're just not even the tiniest bit of attempt to fake it.

[00:22:16] Y'all might think that we are exaggerating about how bad this movie is.

[00:22:21] There's a needle scratch in it.

[00:22:26] Not a needle drop a needle scratch.

[00:22:29] A needle scratch somebody says a thing and they literally go, Rick what are we doing here?

[00:22:37] Like you don't even do that in trailers anymore much less an actual film.

[00:22:43] But also his memory serves that's when he tells her that we're going to go to LA right and there's a needle scratch.

[00:22:50] I think so yeah she says pardon now or yeah.

[00:22:52] And there's a weird thing that has it's a waste of a needle scratch because he goes just kidding and then he says actually no I'm doing it.

[00:23:00] Waste of a needle scratch in that was a good spot.

[00:23:03] It's like needle scratch and then a needle scratch to the needle scratch only to be like no this is actually yeah the original needle scratch was correct we are going.

[00:23:13] Like there's an entire South Park episode that I think killed the needle scratch forever but that's a funny one.

[00:23:17] Oh yeah it's a funny one.

[00:23:19] This movie got an MPAA rating though like it was it like has like it screened in a theater somewhere.

[00:23:27] Lionsgate.

[00:23:29] Yeah if Lionsgate had it they may well have you know they may have been contractually obligated to put it on like three screens for a week you know.

[00:23:35] So yeah needle scratch is making a comeback.

[00:23:38] Yeah the 2024 baby.

[00:23:41] As Dan kind of touched on this in his hot take what decade is this that George Lopez is this upset.

[00:23:50] Yes about the white boyfriend and the movie tries to like hedge its best later by saying well you you objected to all of my boyfriends but he's really specifically worried about the whole the white thing and it just feels like.

[00:24:03] Okay I could just I don't know they don't it didn't buy it for a second.

[00:24:08] The fact that life is immediately super jealous of the appearance of the high school boyfriend.

[00:24:17] It's like you're supposed to be the sane one in this movie.

[00:24:22] You're supposed to be like the the the rational you know island in the sea of chaos here.

[00:24:28] So that that plays weirdly just like a lazy sort of plot thing.

[00:24:32] Rather than be like screw you George Lopez I love your daughter we're out of here.

[00:24:39] They break up again like why life what are you thinking what's running through your mind.

[00:24:46] Nice guy.

[00:24:48] The movie needle scratch and all was made 40 years ago.

[00:24:51] Yeah exactly it's so contrived and just like these tropes that you forgot you knew because they don't exist anymore like we're gonna we're going to try them all out here.

[00:25:01] Because we've got 75 minutes to fill.

[00:25:03] I genuinely want to know what airport that is like I don't know where they shot that it ain't LAX that's for sure.

[00:25:11] I mean maybe it's Ontario or something like I you know I had no clue but I also want to know what airport lets you go to the gate without buying a ticket.

[00:25:21] Yeah because that just doesn't happen at all anymore.

[00:25:24] 2001 it did which is when this movie so that's true it is of a piece if this was a period period.

[00:25:31] It would be on to something.

[00:25:33] Yeah unless you pull a love actually like you are not getting through like there's a there's even a bit in the last episode of Ted Lasso where where the woman who owns the team buys an airline ticket just so she can go like bid him goodbye at the gate.

[00:25:48] So I was like OK let's add airports to the things that this movie doesn't understand how they work or what they do producer Aaron.

[00:25:55] Yeah I don't know if anybody in this movie qualifies for it but I have been able to go to the gate when I was picking up an elderly relative.

[00:26:04] I had to leave like my ID but they would let me go to the gate to pick her up.

[00:26:09] But they wouldn't let you qualify for that and they wouldn't let you go to the gate and say oh she's already there right.

[00:26:16] That's what it was to pick her up if you're going off the plane so there are situations.

[00:26:21] If you're elderly relative is on a departing flight and they got there first like I don't think that's the way you talk to me after that but anyway so that's what I got.

[00:26:33] Um yeah a little thing but there the driveway is a is a one boy a one boy.

[00:26:40] A one boy.

[00:26:42] You got a stack of single leg.

[00:26:45] Um someone pulls up his blue truck is now parked in parked in he gets out easy.

[00:26:55] He gets in his truck next thing you know he's driving great.

[00:27:00] Um you guys said that this is something that did bother Brandon me to know and also in the grand scheme of this movie.

[00:27:07] No so little so little.

[00:27:10] I did I did notice that but I forgot to write it down so I'm glad you brought it up.

[00:27:14] You guys have said that the guys across the street are worthless at this movie they don't do anything and I would beg to differ because because of those guys we now can say we watched a movie where somebody said shut the fudge up.

[00:27:31] That's right.

[00:27:32] That was a thing that they decided to do just to set up it does feel like this movie goes three four five minutes to set up one one line joke several times and in that scene they're setting up the I gave up cuss words joke right because I was born again and then someone says how do you get born again as yes this is that that was it these are all real lines of dialogue folks.

[00:27:55] Fudge out we're not making this up so it's fun.

[00:27:59] So there I mentioned in the synopsis there's a scene where George Lopez falls onto a chicken while salsa dancing.

[00:28:06] Yes what what they show happened to his face.

[00:28:10] I just don't know how it happens falling just on a chicken.

[00:28:16] He would have to go like face first into a cow pie and then roll around and some feathers we also see the chicken later hasn't lost.

[00:28:23] The chicken's a great show.

[00:28:25] He walks in.

[00:28:27] It is like he is caked in mud and feathers and not feathers that look anything like that chicken.

[00:28:33] It is absurd like even for this movie just don't do it.

[00:28:38] Just don't do it.

[00:28:39] It looks like like when Daffy duck has something blow up in his face.

[00:28:43] Yes that's what it was look like.

[00:28:44] Yeah I have two more things to add to the list of reasons why this movie took place not and not in 2023 one.

[00:28:55] A lave who is a video game developer developed a game on an N64 those controllers are Nintendo 64 control Nintendo 64 controllers without a doubt no question about that.

[00:29:10] They're playing GoldenEye in 1998 on those things.

[00:29:12] So that's one thing.

[00:29:14] The other thing is at one point George Lopez says I love white people.

[00:29:20] This is unbelievable white people are the reason we have this house and food on our table.

[00:29:25] I don't I don't know how to make that work.

[00:29:28] He gives white people credits for the fact that he owns a home and has provided for his family.

[00:29:36] Do you miss that line Alonzo.

[00:29:37] I mean I heard it but I mean because he's a landscaper or a gardener right that's nobody does.

[00:29:44] I have no idea what he does.

[00:29:45] He drives a truck but I guess I guess he's saying that because of rich white people that need landscaping.

[00:29:52] Yeah well because they show him like driving through like Beverly Hills and stuff in the truck so my under my understanding was like yes because white people never do this stuff for themselves they will hire me to do it and thanks to them I have seems like still hope.

[00:30:04] It's a bit of a it's a weird reach.

[00:30:08] It's still a weird way to say that.

[00:30:10] But yeah they could have thrown in one Y2K reference and this would make a great deal more sense.

[00:30:15] Because one could argue that white people are the reason why you don't have a bigger house and more food on your table.

[00:30:21] Also true arguments to be made there.

[00:30:23] So she finds out that he asked George Lopez.

[00:30:31] Hey can I ask your daughter to marry me and that led to her the next day saying you've given me the best Christmas gift which is you as my husband.

[00:30:42] And they've skipped so many things like they've said unless they got eloped last night.

[00:30:50] Still they got eloped.

[00:30:52] Yeah unless they got eloped.

[00:30:54] Dang it.

[00:30:56] I can see now.

[00:30:58] Unless they got weddinged last night.

[00:31:00] Well you know the melons the melons can't get married because they can't elope.

[00:31:04] But the fact that she's so thrilled about the prospect of being married to him when they've clearly never had a conversation.

[00:31:13] Never talked about it.

[00:31:15] And she's like oh yeah of course you would talk to my dad without before you would ever bring it up to me like.

[00:31:18] Classic husband.

[00:31:20] Yeah my last one is is George Lopez sees Laif and tackles him and then for some reason Laif ends up in handcuffs.

[00:31:30] Yeah I don't think that like he got he didn't do anything wrong he just got tackled in the midst of all this.

[00:31:36] So there's that Dan.

[00:31:38] White people am I right.

[00:31:40] This white person in this movie doesn't know the rules of soccer.

[00:31:44] Everyone everyone they're the easiest rules to learn.

[00:31:52] You can't touch the ball with your hands kick it in the goal that you this dude doesn't know the rules to soccer.

[00:32:01] You know we give the Hanukkah movies a hard time for like being like tell me about this Christmas tell me about these eight lights and these two.

[00:32:09] This movie takes the cake when this dude is so confused by the fact that in soccer you can't use your hands that is the commonest of knowledges.

[00:32:20] And if the name is supposed to tip us off that he's so white he's Scandinavian.

[00:32:24] That's right yeah that would definitely guess what they play in Scandinavian spoiler alert a lot of soccer over there with the white people in Europe.

[00:32:31] I don't know if you heard.

[00:32:33] In the this movie takes the cake for tonal shift of the year if that's a decade needs to be a movie that is trying to be zany and weird and meet the parents and all this stuff.

[00:32:48] And then all of a sudden George Lopez goes after Leif leaves he goes to visit his daughter in her bedroom and she goes.

[00:32:55] Leif got you this Christmas gift and hands her this gift and I was like and then all of a sudden George Lopez decides now's the time he was waiting.

[00:33:04] Now's the time to go for the Oscar for your consideration opens up a pair of rusty busted up training wheels to a bike that life has given him.

[00:33:20] And he proceeds to tell a story of how his dad worked so hard and would buy him the bike.

[00:33:27] It's a very sweet story and Lopez's performance is not what in a different movie wouldn't have necessarily been bad.

[00:33:35] He starts crying like balling crying and like how his dad said he would get on the training wheels to the bike and he just worked so hard and could never afford it.

[00:33:44] And he never got the training wheels and he's got the training wheels he's clutching him and he's like late and then he says this line.

[00:33:51] Leif found the exact training wheels now George Lopez 62 years old.

[00:33:58] What you're saying is is Leif Jack Kilmer White White boy from New York.

[00:34:04] He hears this story and the next day in 24 hours he finds the training wheels to a 57 year old bike dead match in one day and wraps him up for him.

[00:34:21] What some people are really good at shopping.

[00:34:24] Some people just want to give gifts.

[00:34:27] You know what I mean.

[00:34:29] That way what was massive but Lopez trying to turn this movie into a tear joker maybe the best scene of the year like he is really like he's going for it.

[00:34:39] Like I can imagine when they yelled cut people clapped afterwards like he is all of a sudden like let me take this thing down seven notches.

[00:34:48] It is it is a wild wild scene that you really have to experience.

[00:34:53] I want to piggy piggy back on that because that scene opens with he comes into the daughter's bedroom and she is clutching a pillow not unlike Mrs. Walkers Andrew Walker pillow or that one of y'all the floating around.

[00:35:04] There's like a picture of a dog on it.

[00:35:06] She's holding this like stuffed pillow with a doggy on it and says I'm not a little girl anymore.

[00:35:12] Maybe put down the dog pillow and I'll leave you act like it.

[00:35:17] Yeah.

[00:35:19] So the guys across the street that Lopez just drives nuts at the end of this movie George is like I'm wrong we need to go stop late from leaving at the airport and they all get in his truck and it doesn't start or something and they go look across street and these three dudes like we got you man come on over get into the low rider and they get in the low rider and it it starts to bounce and it a bus to tire flat tire.

[00:35:41] Well then Javier pulls up and they all get in the car and then these three dudes who've been literally across the street probably they live there.

[00:35:50] They're always there.

[00:35:52] They're there.

[00:35:54] They're in the same clothes for the whole movie.

[00:35:56] I think it said they live in the car.

[00:35:58] And they say casually just casually to George Lopez's character will steal a car and meet you there.

[00:36:05] And we're supposed to think it's at least at the time that it's a ha ha funny like we got a flat tire.

[00:36:11] We're going to go steal another car.

[00:36:13] But then they show up at the airport which means if I'm following this movie at all these three dudes stole a car on Christmas morning just to go and watch a kiss at the airport.

[00:36:29] Is that act or invested.

[00:36:31] They're really invested exactly at this point.

[00:36:32] They got to see how it all comes out.

[00:36:34] Investing enough to commit Grand Theft Auto basically that is that is that is a move.

[00:36:41] That's a move there.

[00:36:43] Oh and let's not sleep on Javier by the way.

[00:36:45] Yeah who the entire movie is touted as like they've set him up to be the Baxter the ex-boyfriend you know the salsa dancer the whole thing makes successful ladies.

[00:36:56] Like talk like talking to all the ladies.

[00:36:59] The family loves him.

[00:37:00] He brings over baked goods and charms all the ladies and stuff and we think oh romantic rival something and then as and then she just drops casually in conversation with George Lopez when he's like oh why didn't you wind up with Javier.

[00:37:13] He's like dad he's gay.

[00:37:15] That's where the needle.

[00:37:17] Come in.

[00:37:18] Like I mean sure yes I suppose there are things that that character that would be that fit with that but like the movie has gone out of its way to.

[00:37:27] Posit him as a romantic rival and it's not like at the end of the movie we see him you know like salsa dancing with one of the three guys across the street or something like that's never mentioned again never brought up again.

[00:37:39] But he's just sort of taken off the board because you know if they had to actually have a moment where he and late were rivals for the girl the movie might have run another five minutes.

[00:37:50] We have we've eclipsed that 80 minute mark.

[00:37:53] Yeah can't have that also like when when he comes up and he does the salsa dance bit with her and lay fright there.

[00:37:59] Life is so clearly jealous and he's like gotta go.

[00:38:04] I'm not going to tell I'm just you know what this is I love this.

[00:38:08] I love that you're jealous and I'm out of here.

[00:38:10] That's right.

[00:38:11] I'm out of here.

[00:38:12] It's a fun thing I do.

[00:38:13] It's a fun thing I do.

[00:38:14] And in the soccer scene he's like on George Lopez's team being all gur so you think OK well then he's trying to get white boy.

[00:38:21] He's playing the Owen Wilson character from Meet the Parents like this movie and Meet the Parents they do the volley water volleyball and meet the parents that there the little bit of plot we get in this movie is borrowed but stolen like straight out of Meet the Parents.

[00:38:37] It is absurd and that movie is not exactly like a classic but this movie is is doing like at least got their first this movie.

[00:38:44] Yeah is the La Croix of Meet the Parents like it is you can taste a question of Meet the Parents in there.

[00:38:51] That's what this movie does.

[00:38:53] It really did seem like they got to this point of the movie and they're like shoot what about what about Javier.

[00:39:00] How do we write him out.

[00:39:02] This guy seems to have better chemistry with it.

[00:39:06] OK.

[00:39:07] I'm doing it right.

[00:39:09] Yeah I would.

[00:39:10] I would ask the actor playing Javier if he knew during the course of that movie.

[00:39:14] He's watching the movie.

[00:39:16] He watches the movie when it comes out.

[00:39:18] Huh.

[00:39:19] I missed that.

[00:39:20] I missed that.

[00:39:22] It's time for Stars Align.

[00:39:26] We were talking about things in this movie that we would still like answered Alonzo anything you're still wondering about.

[00:39:34] No.

[00:39:36] Nothing.

[00:39:37] I have no no questions no no curiosity no desire for a sequel just I'm trying to I've already begun forgetting the forgetting the whole thing.

[00:39:47] I do have one question which is at the end or towards the end he gets in this Uber on Christmas morning there's an Uber driver who is wearing you know like a Christmas hat elf hat or something like that a garb and about you know they're in the car they're driving.

[00:40:05] We cut back to them.

[00:40:07] I don't know how long they've been in the car but at least a little bit and she just turns back and goes some Christmas huh.

[00:40:14] What's her story.

[00:40:16] What what happened to her this morning that she went you know what I'm an Uber drive today.

[00:40:22] I'm so mad.

[00:40:23] I am still a little bit in the Christmas.

[00:40:26] But I'm pretty mad right now.

[00:40:29] Weird combo some Christmas huh.

[00:40:32] Dana.

[00:40:33] Um could we not do we not do we not purchase not in the budget to get the rights to say the words Chuck E cheese.

[00:40:42] You know how I know that it doesn't cost anything.

[00:40:45] I just said it.

[00:40:47] I just said it for your consumption Chuck E cheese they.

[00:40:53] They go with cheesy Chuck is what they go with.

[00:40:57] It's a cheesy Chuck situation.

[00:40:59] And it's a restaurant that makes no sense at all.

[00:41:02] First of all he's drinking beer.

[00:41:05] Which I don't think either Chuck E cheese or showbiz pizza ever like made for the parents.

[00:41:11] Shout out to showbiz pizza.

[00:41:13] I do think Chuck E cheese does sell beer.

[00:41:15] What.

[00:41:16] And it becomes problematic yeah.

[00:41:18] Wow.

[00:41:20] But there's also like there's like oven mitts hanging on the wall like it's the weirdest set.

[00:41:24] The other weird part is that the end when they're doing the party.

[00:41:26] There's one of the scenes takes place in the location where they tell you it's cheesy Chuck.

[00:41:33] So briefly there's a scene.

[00:41:35] That is supposed to be in their house but is the same exact set as cheesy Chuck.

[00:41:43] Choose from our selection of premium beers.

[00:41:46] Didn't even make the wait what segment that's what movie we're dealing with.

[00:41:50] Man.

[00:41:52] There is beer and wine at select locations of Chuck E cheese.

[00:41:57] So do with that what you want.

[00:42:00] I'm a parent like I understand that.

[00:42:03] Up next next week we're heading over to Netflix for holiday in the vineyards.

[00:42:11] And I know it sounds like we've been here before.

[00:42:15] But we promise based upon what we know it's going to be entirely different.

[00:42:22] Yes.

[00:42:24] Very different than any other Christmas related.

[00:42:28] Vineyard movie.

[00:42:30] Yes.

[00:42:32] We'll be back next week until then.

[00:42:34] We're the first to wish you a Merry Christmas.

[00:42:36] The Bravel Jam podcast is produced by Aaron Shea.

[00:42:39] For more information on deck the homework you can go to deck the

[00:42:41] home work dot com for information on the deck the home work family you can go to

[00:42:44] Bravel Jam plus dot com deck the homework is presented by Philo TV for a free trial

[00:42:49] of Philo go to Philo dot TV slash DT H.

[00:42:57] You're about to hear some ads that help keep the lights on here in the old

[00:43:01] studio.

[00:43:03] Thanks for listening or don't listen.

[00:43:06] It's really up to you at this point is at the end of the show.

[00:43:09] I mean you're listening to me. Hi.

[00:43:12] But here they come. I promise they're coming. Yep. Here they are.

[00:43:15] Happy day.

[00:43:39] You

[00:44:09] You