Letters to Santa (Hallmark Channel - 2023) ft. Dave White

[00:00:00] Hi, I'm Brian and I love Hallmark Christmas movies. I'm Brian. I like Hallmark Christmas movies

[00:00:06] I'm Dan and I despise Hallmark Christmas movies

[00:00:09] I'm Dave White and I've got 19 staples in my thigh

[00:00:34] Wow, how long everybody

[00:00:38] What a day what a day holiday it is a holiday that's right holiday we have a lot of Dave

[00:00:44] We all a day holiday. We have Alonso der Alde on our podcast an

[00:00:49] Estimated 60 times a year to get Dave. Well, once

[00:00:53] To get one day wide appearance a year. That's what it takes 60 to one change rate. That's right

[00:00:59] so here we are and

[00:01:01] post hip surgery

[00:01:04] a mirror

[00:01:06] 10 days ago hip surgery ish. Yes. Well, like yeah 10 almost yeah

[00:01:12] How are we feeling is life grand? How's it going?

[00:01:18] You know

[00:01:19] everything about this experience has been

[00:01:22] terrible and

[00:01:25] The only thing that was good about it was the actual surgery

[00:01:28] and

[00:01:30] My anesthesiologist who deserves a medal. Oh, wow being a calming

[00:01:37] soothing presence in the pre-op room

[00:01:41] Because I don't know about y'all but I am terrified of surgery and being put under and thinking I'm never gonna wake up again

[00:01:50] And you know all that kind of thing

[00:01:53] I've only had surgery once before in my life

[00:01:57] But it was not good and and this one I was anticipating the worst

[00:02:03] Telling Alonzo all my passwords and everything

[00:02:08] You might spend Christmas alone

[00:02:11] If I don't come back from the hospital

[00:02:15] The two wonderful things happened on the on the day of the of the surgery I walked into the check-in place and

[00:02:24] The security guard this was by the way at five o'clock in the morning on a Monday morning

[00:02:29] The security guard that I had to check in first was the most extravagantly gorgeous and

[00:02:36] perfectly make-up faced

[00:02:39] trans woman in a in a in a in a in her security guard

[00:02:44] Uniform and I said hello and she said

[00:02:48] Surgery and I said yes, and she goes

[00:02:52] Through those double doors

[00:02:55] And I was like thank you my queer sister you have been given you've given me a blessing with your very presence

[00:03:02] I did not say this to her

[00:03:04] She but I was thinking it's watching now. She knows a good omen to me that I had someone from my people

[00:03:13] Greeting me at the hospital. I love it and then the anesthesiologist comes in and he says how you doing?

[00:03:19] And I said I'm terrified see I don't I don't I don't like to pretend

[00:03:25] how I'm feeling and

[00:03:28] Goes are you are you scared? And I said yes, I'm very scared

[00:03:31] I said, I don't know if you can see it

[00:03:33] But I'm very scared and then he says this and maybe it was a line

[00:03:37] And maybe he says this to everybody and I'm betting he does because he's practiced his bedside manner, but he said

[00:03:45] Don't be scared. I'm gonna take care of you like you're my family

[00:03:49] I'm gonna take care of you like you're my big brother

[00:03:56] Wow

[00:03:58] This guy do we know his name we give a shout out? I could look it up in my records, but like the dude was man

[00:04:06] And so good like and sincere like it was wonderful

[00:04:10] And then they cut out cut me open and they put a new

[00:04:14] Titanium f hip inside me. It's Christmas season so the f stands for fallah. La that's not what I call it off the mic

[00:04:27] It's all been good Alonzo derau day is

[00:04:31] The best caretaker he's a saint yeah, and I'm sure war he is

[00:04:38] Tireless well no he's very tired. He's he's he's

[00:04:42] Indefatigable how about that, but he does get exhausted and it's me who is exhausting him and so

[00:04:49] It's been

[00:04:50] you know

[00:04:52] It's been that thing where I've been old-timey convalescing

[00:04:56] And just sleeping whatever and getting up and doing my little exercises

[00:05:02] Can you see my my walker in the frame here? I don't know if you can see it

[00:05:06] um

[00:05:07] the physical therapist comes by and helps me like

[00:05:11] walk down the length of our apartment building walkway and

[00:05:16] and

[00:05:17] Then I go back to sleep again

[00:05:20] And so everything's okay so far. I'm just I'm a real pain though like I'm very difficult

[00:05:26] I'm a bad patient. I'm a better caretaker than patient

[00:05:31] But Alonzo is like a plus yeah, that doesn't surprise me one bit

[00:05:37] And you know what Dave the last two years you've done a corgi movie and a cat movie

[00:05:41] And so we gave you a real good one this year. We gave you a real magic real great one to ease your pain a little bit

[00:05:47] That's right. Did that just?

[00:05:49] I'll tell you how much that worked

[00:05:51] using of my pain

[00:05:54] On day one of the surgery they prescribed oxycodone for me

[00:05:58] Yeah, they did and I took one because my brother-in-law Alonzo's brother who is also an orthopedic surgeon

[00:06:05] Said to me you got to take the oxycodone to get ahead of the pain

[00:06:08] And then if you find out you don't need it later you can take it you can stop it

[00:06:12] But I took the oxycodone and it made me want to throw up

[00:06:18] And and I talked to the nurse and I said how do people get addicted to this stuff?

[00:06:22] It makes me want to throw up. She goes well

[00:06:24] I'll tell you there are two kinds of people in the world

[00:06:26] There are people who it it makes them want to throw up and then there are people who it makes them feel really good

[00:06:32] And and she said and those are the people who get addicted to it and I said well, it ain't gonna be me

[00:06:40] So the oxycodone was useless for any pain I had and so was this film

[00:06:46] But this film did make me wish that I had taken the oxycodone before watching

[00:06:55] That's the magic of this move

[00:06:57] It's the magic

[00:06:58] It's the magic of the letter to Santa

[00:06:59] Well, let's talk about it

[00:07:01] Let's

[00:07:02] Letters to when did this movie air?

[00:07:03] 24th

[00:07:04] 24th

[00:07:05] Is that what they say?

[00:07:06] Of 2023 Letters to Santa and it went a little something like this

[00:07:10] Enrique and Rebecca take their two kiddos to the Christmas tree farm

[00:07:16] He tells he goes to hold her hand and she pulls away and she's like I just need to leave

[00:07:22] She's very behind on her book, but that's not really why she's leaving right now

[00:07:28] Enrique and Rebecca they are separated

[00:07:31] We see them at marriage counseling we find out the the root of the problem is that Rebecca was given an advance on her book that she hadn't written yet

[00:07:41] And he used that money to save the family restaurant without talking to her first

[00:07:46] That'll do it

[00:07:48] They clearly have to a lot to work through

[00:07:52] They take their kids to see Santa and Santa gives the kids a special pin

[00:07:56] He says this write a letter with this pin with the thing that you truly want

[00:08:02] Put it in the mailbox and I'll know what to do

[00:08:06] They get right to work and they write a letter to Santa asking for a puppy

[00:08:11] The next morning a puppy appears outside their door with a Christmas bow

[00:08:16] The kids are convinced that Santa brought them a dog

[00:08:20] They tell the kids that they need to try to find the dog's owner first but if no one claims them then they can keep the pupper

[00:08:28] Which I guess this is nice because it did end up being an animal movie after all

[00:08:33] They hang out as a family watching the nutcracker and after laying the kids down

[00:08:39] She asked them to stay and drink wine

[00:08:42] He's like is there anything else you would like me to do?

[00:08:47] And she's like I have a list

[00:08:50] And he's like what's the number one thing on that list

[00:08:54] And I gotta be honest with you at this point in time I'm very interested in seeing where Hallmark's gonna go with this

[00:08:59] Especially after seeing the Santa Stratel Session a few days ago

[00:09:03] Where we going with this? Is anything on the table?

[00:09:06] Don't worry kids are gonna call out for Rebecca to come up because they can't sleep

[00:09:11] There goes any of that

[00:09:13] So he goes to leave the kids decide to test the Santa pin again and ask for a play station

[00:09:19] We find out that the pin is not magic

[00:09:24] Rather it is grandma who is checking the mail daily

[00:09:28] And is granting the wishes

[00:09:31] She wants to make sure that the kids have an amazing Christmas despite the weirdness of it all

[00:09:35] Speaking of weirdness

[00:09:37] He starts to hang out with Candy the new assistant GM at the restaurant

[00:09:42] Who also is a person he goes to for neck massages

[00:09:46] It's all above board

[00:09:48] When his truck doesn't start after one of those massage sessions

[00:09:54] He sends Candy to go pick up the kids from Rebecca

[00:09:59] This does not go well

[00:10:01] Rebecca is real mad

[00:10:03] Why would you send this woman that I don't know to pick up our children

[00:10:06] Rebecca decides to use this Santa pin thing as inspiration for this book

[00:10:12] The deadline's coming up she has nothing so she's like, ah Santa pin

[00:10:15] And she starts to bond with the illustrator that they've assigned her for the book

[00:10:20] The kids ask Santa for flowers for her mom

[00:10:23] But when Enrique finds out about the flowers

[00:10:26] He gets real jealous and mad

[00:10:28] The kids then ask Santa for an elf to come and help Rebecca with her book

[00:10:32] So when they meet the illustrator they assume the illustrator is an elf

[00:10:37] He's new and he's British

[00:10:39] Do the math

[00:10:41] They're all at his party together

[00:10:43] And Liam the illustrator and Candy are also there

[00:10:46] One big weird family hanging out

[00:10:48] That inspires the kids to make one last big request for Santa

[00:10:52] For their family to be together again

[00:10:56] But it's not working

[00:10:58] Rebecca's dancing with the elf

[00:11:00] They're mad at that

[00:11:02] So they go to try to take matters in their own hand by going sneaking out of the house

[00:11:06] And tracking Santa down

[00:11:08] So Rebecca when she can't find the kids freaks out

[00:11:12] Calls up Enrique and is like hey we don't know where the kids are

[00:11:15] So they go and find them at the place

[00:11:19] And they give him a big talk into

[00:11:21] And so they get back to the place and they have quite the conversation

[00:11:26] They actually talk

[00:11:28] And she's under so much pressure due to the book deadline

[00:11:30] So he agrees to help her many hands

[00:11:33] Light work

[00:11:35] And that applies to writing a book as well

[00:11:37] So they all meet at the restaurant to help her work through the book

[00:11:40] The kids are basically outlining all the things that they have requested from Santa

[00:11:44] And she's like that's good

[00:11:45] Also you, the flowers from you

[00:11:47] It's all coming together, it's all making sense

[00:11:49] She does the pitch, goes great, yay we love that

[00:11:51] Enrique decides to shoot his shots

[00:11:54] By going back to his musical roots

[00:11:57] Singing a little diddy

[00:11:59] And that doesn't work for you, I don't know what does

[00:12:03] Then you don't know what does

[00:12:05] Rebecca and Enrique, that's all you need

[00:12:08] They talk through things, they kiss the families together again

[00:12:11] The pen is magical, I'll tell you what

[00:12:13] And that my friends was

[00:12:15] Letters to Santa

[00:12:17] Oh, we did it

[00:12:20] Let's take a quick break, we'll come back

[00:12:22] We'll break this movie down, Dave White's hanging out with us

[00:12:24] Letting us know, all episode long

[00:12:26] Right here on Deck the Hallmark

[00:12:28] Welcome back to Deck the Hallmark

[00:12:37] Hopefully you're watching us right here on Fila

[00:12:39] You can watch this movie in so many other movies

[00:12:41] But you can watch us every single episode

[00:12:43] Right here on Fila, Fila.tv's SGT

[00:12:45] Isn't that really amazing?

[00:12:47] It is amazing, having a channel is amazing

[00:12:49] How about that? Look at us

[00:12:51] Look at Fila, how about that

[00:12:53] Let's watch all the movies, watch us

[00:12:55] Win, win, win, win

[00:12:57] Let's talk about Letters to Santa

[00:12:59] Let's talk about Letters to Santa, shall we?

[00:13:01] We're going to start with a hot take

[00:13:03] I'm going to start with you, Brian

[00:13:05] It's customary and tradition

[00:13:07] Tradition

[00:13:09] What do you think of Letters to Santa?

[00:13:11] Letters to Santa

[00:13:13] So this was filmed fully in Massachusetts

[00:13:15] And so that's why I hate to be in this situation

[00:13:17] That's why I hate to be in this situation

[00:13:19] I am a big mass guy

[00:13:21] Can you name one Red Sox player?

[00:13:23] Wade Box

[00:13:25] The lead in this movie is married

[00:13:27] To the second baseman of Short Stop

[00:13:29] Second baseman

[00:13:31] Second baseman of the Red Sox

[00:13:33] Brian did not recognize the name at all

[00:13:35] Erin did

[00:13:37] So she did win Massachusetts

[00:13:39] Today

[00:13:41] We reset tomorrow

[00:13:43] Duncan for a year

[00:13:45] Get your crawler

[00:13:47] I hate this for Massachusetts

[00:13:49] And for this movie

[00:13:51] I did not really like this movie very much at all

[00:13:53] It wasn't even magical

[00:13:55] In the parts

[00:13:57] There were two parts at the end that were

[00:13:59] Potentially magical, but

[00:14:01] It was such a weird situation

[00:14:03] That it ended up being

[00:14:05] Mortal Wait What for me

[00:14:07] I love all the Boston ties with this movie

[00:14:09] And see Massachusetts on screen is great

[00:14:11] But the puppy was the star of this movie

[00:14:13] And that's kind of where I left off with it

[00:14:15] If you get that

[00:14:17] Brian is subscribing to the

[00:14:19] If you can't say something good

[00:14:21] Try not to say anything at all

[00:14:23] That's one of your shortest hot takes ever

[00:14:25] Well, let's find out what Dave

[00:14:27] Dave's going to bring us back to that

[00:14:29] Dave, what do you think about Letters to Santa?

[00:14:31] First I want to apologize

[00:14:33] For the way I look right now

[00:14:35] On this camera

[00:14:37] Because I'm sitting in front of the

[00:14:39] Sliding glass door that leads to our balcony

[00:14:41] And I'm all blown out

[00:14:43] So you can barely see me anyway

[00:14:45] And it does tie into my hot take

[00:14:47] Because I want to know

[00:14:49] What part of Massachusetts

[00:14:51] They shot in that was

[00:14:53] Ever outside

[00:14:55] Because

[00:14:57] Was it the

[00:14:59] Exterior shots of Massachusetts

[00:15:01] Where everything was completely lit by

[00:15:03] DMV

[00:15:05] LED cold

[00:15:07] Britter, cold bitter

[00:15:09] Harsh lights constantly

[00:15:11] Everywhere you go

[00:15:13] Outside

[00:15:15] In the inside

[00:15:17] Anywhere they were looked exactly the same

[00:15:19] At night it was lit up like a stadium

[00:15:21] In their house including the children's bedroom

[00:15:23] How does anyone sleep

[00:15:25] That's a huge weight

[00:15:27] I

[00:15:29] You know

[00:15:33] There was a dog in this movie

[00:15:35] And

[00:15:37] It was better than the corgis

[00:15:39] From the other movie

[00:15:41] That y'all made me watch

[00:15:43] So unfortunately the dog wasn't there

[00:15:45] Enough to make the rest of the movie

[00:15:47] Worth looking at

[00:15:49] But I wouldn't have been able to see the dog

[00:15:51] Much anyway with the

[00:15:53] Creeg lights that they had

[00:15:55] Blasting everybody

[00:15:57] Out

[00:15:59] And so

[00:16:01] I don't even know what I watched

[00:16:03] Because it could barely make out

[00:16:05] You know, the dog was

[00:16:07] The dog was the one that was

[00:16:09] The dog was the one that was

[00:16:11] Because it could barely make out

[00:16:13] Things on the screen

[00:16:17] So some technical issues for you

[00:16:19] Nothing says cozy

[00:16:21] Like

[00:16:23] Dry

[00:16:25] Cold

[00:16:27] Icy white lights in a house

[00:16:29] Over your head

[00:16:31] In your face

[00:16:33] Interrogating you

[00:16:35] Everybody in Massachusetts

[00:16:37] Is just trying to get through life

[00:16:39] Like it's an orthodontist appointment

[00:16:41] Yeah, that's just preparing

[00:16:43] I guess my hot take is also

[00:16:45] A wait what but

[00:16:47] I don't even know what happened in this movie

[00:16:49] Because it could barely pay attention

[00:16:51] To what was going on

[00:16:53] Every scene would be like

[00:16:55] Why

[00:16:57] Get the flashlight out of my face

[00:16:59] It's like when you're driving at night

[00:17:01] And those big SUVs with those new halogen lights

[00:17:03] Shining right in your eyes

[00:17:05] And night blinding you

[00:17:07] This movie was night blinding me

[00:17:09] That's fair

[00:17:11] Night blinding, put it on the DVD box

[00:17:13] Night blinding

[00:17:15] Oh no

[00:17:17] It's your turn, Brandon

[00:17:19] Step up to the play buddy

[00:17:21] You gotta rethink this, you watch this by yourself

[00:17:23] You wanna go first this time and just put them

[00:17:25] In place real quick

[00:17:27] You've heard enough

[00:17:29] I was promised a magic pin

[00:17:31] I was

[00:17:33] I was promised a magic

[00:17:35] Pin

[00:17:37] With gold glitter on it

[00:17:39] An actual

[00:17:41] Magic pin

[00:17:43] You read the synopsis

[00:17:45] We read it, magic pin

[00:17:47] You write it, it happens

[00:17:49] Magic pin

[00:17:51] This movie has no magic in it

[00:17:53] It is

[00:17:55] An absolute

[00:17:57] 100%

[00:17:59] Certified dumpster fire

[00:18:01] It's been a while since we've gotten one

[00:18:03] Bottom of the list

[00:18:05] Actively booed the end of this movie

[00:18:07] When the song starts

[00:18:09] Somehow

[00:18:11] Both leads

[00:18:13] Are trying to, they're both in a poker game

[00:18:15] To see who can be the worst person

[00:18:17] That's what they're doing

[00:18:19] Like I'm taking your money, call

[00:18:21] I actually gave you that money

[00:18:23] Raise, I'm getting real sexy neck

[00:18:25] Massages from candy

[00:18:27] Yeah, like this movie

[00:18:29] Is trash

[00:18:31] If you can turn the brightness

[00:18:33] Down to zero and see it

[00:18:35] It's real bad, it's a bad movie

[00:18:37] It's bad across the board

[00:18:39] It has no singular

[00:18:41] Threat, and here's the thing is

[00:18:43] It's very clear that Hallmark

[00:18:45] Has decided there is no such thing as

[00:18:47] A bad idea as long as it's original

[00:18:49] Hallmark wants to break the mold

[00:18:51] Of being the

[00:18:53] Big city girl goes back to small town

[00:18:55] Meets up with the hometown hunk

[00:18:57] They want to break that mold

[00:18:59] And so what they've done is they're like

[00:19:01] Any idea that isn't that

[00:19:03] And the problem is, is right now

[00:19:05] They're saying yes to all of them

[00:19:07] And this is one you should have said no to

[00:19:09] Video card with

[00:19:11] Crazy illustrator in it

[00:19:13] You say no to that idea

[00:19:15] Like you say no to some of these ideas

[00:19:17] The only

[00:19:19] Positive I can say about this entire movie

[00:19:21] Is that it

[00:19:23] Purtrayed a couple

[00:19:25] It tried to portray a couple

[00:19:27] That clearly had a massive

[00:19:29] Falling out but also still

[00:19:31] Had some love

[00:19:33] For each other and the complexities

[00:19:35] And the shifts in that relationship

[00:19:37] I could squint and see them trying

[00:19:39] To do that, but it

[00:19:41] Failed so miserably at doing that

[00:19:43] There is no magic pin

[00:19:45] There is no magic Santa

[00:19:47] There is no magic

[00:19:49] Movies terrible, it's an absolute dud

[00:19:51] And it not only that

[00:19:53] But it came out the wrong time

[00:19:55] It is like our hundredth movie this week

[00:19:57] It sticks out like a sore thumb

[00:19:59] It's the worst of the year, worst of the year

[00:20:01] No question about it and I think Brian would agree with me

[00:20:03] Considering how he said ten total words in his hot take

[00:20:05] And Dave couldn't even see the movie

[00:20:07] Brian has yet to speak so that speaks volumes

[00:20:09] Really

[00:20:11] I love this movie

[00:20:14] Oh no

[00:20:16] Dude, this is embarrassing

[00:20:18] I know that you love these movies

[00:20:20] This is embarrassing

[00:20:22] You're embarrassing

[00:20:24] I love this movie and not only did I love this movie

[00:20:26] I love Brian for loving this movie

[00:20:28] I love that the pin wasn't magic

[00:20:30] Oh come on

[00:20:32] It actually works a lot

[00:20:34] Like I love that

[00:20:36] I love that it's just like

[00:20:38] I was like yeah, I like that

[00:20:40] I like that

[00:20:42] Are you high? Have you been dipping into the microdose guns?

[00:20:44] Not yet

[00:20:46] I loved it

[00:20:48] And I don't really care what

[00:20:50] Any y'all say

[00:20:52] The scene

[00:20:54] Where they are doing the back and forth

[00:20:56] With the wine

[00:20:58] And is there anything else you want me to do for you

[00:21:00] Is it God or Liz?

[00:21:02] I don't know if that was meant to be

[00:21:04] The hottest scene

[00:21:06] On Home Mark this year but it worked for me

[00:21:08] Oh my

[00:21:10] You have a problem

[00:21:12] Maybe I do

[00:21:14] I love this movie

[00:21:16] I thought the kids were adorable

[00:21:18] I thought that Puppa was adorable

[00:21:20] I thought these two leads were fantastic together

[00:21:22] I love this movie

[00:21:24] Brandon

[00:21:26] You've gone too far

[00:21:28] Brandon, no

[00:21:30] The straddle sesh

[00:21:32] You're still in a place because of that

[00:21:34] Straddle sesh we got

[00:21:36] We're days removed from that

[00:21:38] You're still like discombobulated from it

[00:21:40] I don't dispute

[00:21:42] Some of the things that

[00:21:44] Bran just said

[00:21:48] I don't think

[00:21:50] This unlike you

[00:21:52] Daniel

[00:21:54] I don't believe this is a bad concept

[00:21:56] Or a bad idea

[00:21:58] I don't believe that

[00:22:00] The magic pen

[00:22:02] Not really being magic

[00:22:04] But really being the inspiration

[00:22:06] For family

[00:22:08] Cooperation

[00:22:10] And care

[00:22:12] I don't believe that's a problem

[00:22:14] Everything that is a problem in this film

[00:22:16] Is the execution of those ideas

[00:22:18] Oh listen for sure

[00:22:20] The horniness that Bran is talking about

[00:22:22] Was kind of non-stop

[00:22:24] Through this movie

[00:22:26] In a way that was

[00:22:28] Weirdly at odds with the script

[00:22:34] Anyway, continue

[00:22:36] I don't have a problem

[00:22:38] With

[00:22:40] The two leads being separated

[00:22:42] And finding their way back to each other

[00:22:44] I think that's a good idea

[00:22:46] The problem is the synopsis of this film

[00:22:48] That we covered in a preview episode

[00:22:50] And a kickoff episode

[00:22:52] It was the reason that I chose to be here

[00:22:54] For this film

[00:22:56] Because it sounded like the most ridiculous

[00:22:58] It could have been super ridiculous fun

[00:23:00] And it wasn't

[00:23:02] If I knew nothing going in

[00:23:04] I wouldn't care about the pen

[00:23:06] I have a few way what's about that

[00:23:08] But that's not for now

[00:23:10] It depends magical to the kids

[00:23:12] It's not a magic pen

[00:23:14] I'm just saying it is to them

[00:23:16] Objectively isn't a magic pen

[00:23:18] Not even to them

[00:23:20] It's objectively magic

[00:23:22] You're objectively dumb

[00:23:24] Styre for all the feels

[00:23:26] We were talking about what this movie gave us

[00:23:28] It was Fields

[00:23:30] Brian

[00:23:32] We saw Polar Celser all over this movie

[00:23:34] Which was great to see

[00:23:36] I can't believe you guys aren't drinking it right now

[00:23:38] We don't have it in house do we?

[00:23:40] Do we have polar here?

[00:23:42] I just only grabbed

[00:23:44] Orange lately

[00:23:46] Polar is based in Worcester

[00:23:48] It was great to see Polar Celser all over the place

[00:23:50] The best scene

[00:23:52] My feels in this movie

[00:23:54] Were back down at

[00:23:56] The bookstore

[00:23:58] They ran into the Santa

[00:24:00] They were at Bedlam books

[00:24:02] They ran into Santa

[00:24:04] At the little coffee shop

[00:24:06] It was a fun scene

[00:24:08] Santa was playing along there

[00:24:10] There were some very awkward moments

[00:24:12] They put on screen intentionally

[00:24:14] When the parents showed up

[00:24:16] I've never seen these adults before

[00:24:18] Polar Celser

[00:24:20] Polar this Polar Celser

[00:24:22] That Polar Celser

[00:24:24] Unbelievable

[00:24:26] They didn't pay for this

[00:24:28] This is something we're doing

[00:24:30] That's refreshing

[00:24:32] All the way from Worcester Mass

[00:24:34] From Worcester

[00:24:36] Worcester

[00:24:38] This movie is the Worcester

[00:24:40] This is funny

[00:24:42] I think the awkwardness in Plunnies

[00:24:44] Came through on that scene

[00:24:46] I'll take that one

[00:24:48] We'll double up on that one

[00:24:50] Dave, any feels for you?

[00:24:52] Just a sense of rage

[00:24:54] That's a feel

[00:24:56] The

[00:24:58] And this again

[00:25:00] Everything I say kind of counts as a wait-what

[00:25:02] So forgive me

[00:25:04] The sense of rage over the

[00:25:06] Relentless

[00:25:08] Ongoing

[00:25:10] Hammering

[00:25:12] Of the dumbest ideas in the world

[00:25:14] Regarding

[00:25:16] How publishing

[00:25:18] Works

[00:25:20] This is not, and here's the thing

[00:25:22] I don't watch these movies

[00:25:24] I just hear Alonzo talking about them

[00:25:26] And every other

[00:25:28] Iteration

[00:25:30] Involves a journalist

[00:25:32] Or an author

[00:25:34] Or a journalist who's a children's book author

[00:25:36] Or a blogger or someone

[00:25:38] And

[00:25:40] Deadlines don't work this way

[00:25:42] Book proposals don't work this way

[00:25:44] Uh

[00:25:46] Uh, uh, uh, uh

[00:25:48] Here, I'm going to tell you something

[00:25:50] Alonzo Beralde has a book coming out in May

[00:25:52] Really excited about it

[00:25:54] And

[00:25:56] Before

[00:25:58] He was ever allowed to begin writing

[00:26:00] This book

[00:26:02] He had to

[00:26:04] Uh, uh, send

[00:26:06] Send them outlines

[00:26:08] Samples of

[00:26:10] Of, you know, like

[00:26:12] Research materials

[00:26:14] Like they had to know

[00:26:16] Everything going in

[00:26:18] Before he ever

[00:26:20] Put his name on a contract

[00:26:22] And this movie

[00:26:24] Gets everything completely

[00:26:26] Backwards and then

[00:26:28] Acts as though

[00:26:30] You have to actually go to the publisher

[00:26:32] 's office

[00:26:34] And give a

[00:26:36] Like a power point presentation

[00:26:38] About what you're going to do

[00:26:40] To a group of people

[00:26:42] Whose function is unknown

[00:26:44] And

[00:26:46] And then you

[00:26:48] You have

[00:26:50] Um, 10 days

[00:26:52] To finish the book

[00:26:54] The deadline is

[00:26:56] Of course, as always

[00:26:58] Christmas Eve when everybody is still

[00:27:00] In the office, everybody is working

[00:27:02] At the end of this movie

[00:27:04] Her agent or her editor

[00:27:06] Is there on Christmas Eve night

[00:27:08] In the office being like, hooray

[00:27:10] You did it, you know, like

[00:27:12] None of this is

[00:27:14] Accurate

[00:27:16] And not only that, but they said

[00:27:18] The publisher loved

[00:27:20] The pitch so much

[00:27:22] That they're buying 25,000 copies

[00:27:24] That doesn't work that way either

[00:27:26] That doesn't happen like that

[00:27:28] But here's the problem, right?

[00:27:30] They've been doing these kinds of

[00:27:32] Films for years and they keep

[00:27:34] Telling you

[00:27:36] Lies, like

[00:27:38] The screenwriters might not

[00:27:40] Know how publishing works

[00:27:42] But somebody at Hallmark

[00:27:44] Needs to understand

[00:27:46] That

[00:27:48] You could do it

[00:27:50] The right way, you could sell it

[00:27:52] You could tell people the right thing

[00:27:54] And lose nothing

[00:27:56] From your script, right?

[00:27:58] You don't have to

[00:28:00] Package it up in a box full of

[00:28:02] Like gobbledygook

[00:28:04] It doesn't matter, you could tell them

[00:28:06] The straight facts of how publishing

[00:28:08] Really works for books, for magazines

[00:28:10] For deadlines, for editors

[00:28:12] For pitches, for proposals

[00:28:14] For everything and nothing

[00:28:16] Would be a problem

[00:28:18] As it relates to who gets to do

[00:28:20] Smoochie smooch at the end of the movie

[00:28:22] It doesn't matter

[00:28:24] It costs you nothing

[00:28:26] Why? It costs you nothing

[00:28:28] And I'll tell you this

[00:28:30] I voluntarily

[00:28:32] I'm risking my street cred here by saying this

[00:28:34] I voluntarily watched

[00:28:36] The latest

[00:28:38] Hannah What's-Her-Face Bakery movie

[00:28:40] Hannah Swenson

[00:28:42] Yeah, because

[00:28:44] I gotta know when the murder bakery

[00:28:46] Is open and when it's closed

[00:28:48] All the time

[00:28:50] Alonzo has me hooked

[00:28:52] On the murder bakery movies

[00:28:54] And

[00:28:56] And

[00:28:58] They got something really accurately

[00:29:00] Correct this year in the new Hannah

[00:29:02] Swenson movie. They finally

[00:29:04] Definitively in the script

[00:29:06] To the camera told everybody

[00:29:08] The difference between a

[00:29:10] Macaroon, which is

[00:29:12] A coconut cakey

[00:29:14] Cookie at a macaroon

[00:29:16] Which is a French

[00:29:18] Almond

[00:29:20] Biscuit with a ganache

[00:29:22] Or a jammy filling inside

[00:29:24] And they had a little bit of a conversation

[00:29:26] About the difference

[00:29:28] Between these two things and how everybody

[00:29:30] From this point forward

[00:29:32] Needs to get it right

[00:29:34] So I'm telling

[00:29:36] Hallmark that is never listening to me

[00:29:38] And does not care that I exist

[00:29:40] That I'm begging you

[00:29:42] For the love of all

[00:29:44] Boring greeting cards going forward

[00:29:46] Please

[00:29:48] Get these facts straight

[00:29:50] It's driving me insane

[00:29:52] Yeah

[00:29:54] To that point

[00:29:56] An interesting point of course

[00:29:58] The person who wrote this movie

[00:30:00] Had a similar process

[00:30:02] As a

[00:30:04] Author was

[00:30:06] This person didn't just get

[00:30:08] Was giving a moot like

[00:30:10] Here's money, go write any

[00:30:12] You don't need to even tell us what it's about

[00:30:14] Just go write up whatever you want to

[00:30:16] There was some sort of thing

[00:30:18] Beforehand

[00:30:20] They didn't vet these ideas

[00:30:26] I have a lot

[00:30:28] Listen, I'm glad that any writer gets a check

[00:30:30] Exactly

[00:30:32] Even if it winds up looking and sounding like

[00:30:34] What I just watched last night

[00:30:36] I never blame the writer

[00:30:38] Of these movies because

[00:30:40] Someone writes a script and then it goes through the car wash

[00:30:42] And you don't have any control over

[00:30:44] How hot or scrubby the car wash is

[00:30:46] You have gotten

[00:30:48] Paid and you don't have a say

[00:30:50] After that

[00:30:52] Unless you are somebody with a lot of juice

[00:30:54] Right

[00:30:56] I don't blame the writer, I blame

[00:30:58] The corporation

[00:31:00] That is

[00:31:02] Uncaring and unfeeling and has no

[00:31:04] Concept of what

[00:31:06] You know

[00:31:08] Christmas

[00:31:10] Should feel like or look like

[00:31:12] Anything like

[00:31:14] I could go on

[00:31:16] I have for my money

[00:31:18] The light of the century

[00:31:20] Which was given by

[00:31:22] This sweet kid

[00:31:24] Who has used the magical pen

[00:31:26] To ask Santa

[00:31:28] To send an elf

[00:31:30] To come and help mom with this book

[00:31:32] And

[00:31:34] They all filmed a

[00:31:36] Tick-tock together of sorts

[00:31:38] And this kid pauses the movie

[00:31:40] And he says

[00:31:42] That should be dad dancing with mom

[00:31:44] Not some stupid elf

[00:31:46] And I don't know why that line made me laugh

[00:31:48] So hard

[00:31:50] But it crushed

[00:31:52] I love that line

[00:31:54] That should be dad dancing with mom

[00:31:56] Not some stupid elf, I loved it

[00:31:58] It gave me feels, Dan take it away

[00:32:00] I've already done mine but do we have a cricket sound effect?

[00:32:02] I just don't like

[00:32:04] That line doesn't do anything for you?

[00:32:06] This kid is now mad that the elf is here

[00:32:08] I think there's literally a real elf

[00:32:10] Who's dancing with his mom

[00:32:12] You need to just take a few plays off

[00:32:14] I'm not going to

[00:32:16] I actually am because I don't really have any way

[00:32:18] What's for this movie, we'll do that on the other side of the break

[00:32:20] What?

[00:32:28] That's gotta be a joke

[00:32:30] I have one

[00:32:32] Brandon watched this movie

[00:32:34] Brandon was doing six other things

[00:32:36] He just popped in and went oh that's cute

[00:32:38] And he steady liked it

[00:32:40] I've had to move half of mine out

[00:32:42] It won't be good

[00:32:44] It's time for the way it was

[00:32:46] It's time we talk about what made us go away with this movie

[00:32:48] Brian go ahead

[00:32:50] So the grandmother who's pulling all the strings here

[00:32:52] She obviously got the letter

[00:32:54] After the kids were in bed and saw that they wanted a puppy

[00:32:56] And then

[00:32:58] Sometime after 8 or 9pm ran out

[00:33:00] And got a puppy from the mall

[00:33:02] In the middle of the night

[00:33:04] She found a purebred golden retriever puppy

[00:33:06] Best behaved boy

[00:33:08] Sometime in the evening

[00:33:10] Holy cow

[00:33:12] That's impressive

[00:33:14] Maybe it was magic

[00:33:16] Enrique drives around a refurbished

[00:33:18] 1940s-ish Chevrolet pickup truck

[00:33:20] Beautiful

[00:33:22] On the outside but breaks down most of the time

[00:33:24] As his full time vehicle

[00:33:26] You can't drive that

[00:33:28] In the restaurant business especially

[00:33:30] Something a little more

[00:33:32] It's a three seater

[00:33:34] Nothing in the back so he's driving his kids

[00:33:36] Does that even have seat belts at that point

[00:33:38] I can't believe you

[00:33:40] That's illegal

[00:33:42] To your point Dave

[00:33:44] About the lighting

[00:33:46] Enrique sings to his kids at night

[00:33:48] Singed silent night

[00:33:50] After they're already asleep

[00:33:52] And then they carry them up to bed

[00:33:54] At that point

[00:33:56] I am quieter than a mouse

[00:33:58] I barely touch my kids when I put them to bed

[00:34:00] I am so careful

[00:34:02] He has every light in the room on

[00:34:04] He asks him to sing silent night

[00:34:06] It is like the Apollo

[00:34:08] He's a little crazy

[00:34:10] I had to look up the vocal ranges

[00:34:12] Because I am in the lowest

[00:34:14] Of low bass when I sing to my kids at night

[00:34:16] And he is in

[00:34:18] Soprano all-time

[00:34:20] He is up on the register

[00:34:22] He's like, ahem

[00:34:24] Ahem

[00:34:26] It is a performance of a lifetime

[00:34:28] And

[00:34:30] I was like no

[00:34:32] And then he starts rapping

[00:34:34] The most cringy scene of all time

[00:34:36] And like as the mother

[00:34:38] It was a great moment

[00:34:40] But not now

[00:34:42] He gets to leave

[00:34:44] And she has to deal with these kids who are now wired

[00:34:46] And want to watch a rap video

[00:34:48] In their spot lit bedroom

[00:34:50] There's no way, no world where you do this

[00:34:52] And

[00:34:54] He doesn't want to wake the kids by knocking on the door

[00:34:56] So he's just going to wail on his sixth string

[00:34:58] On the porch and sing

[00:35:00] As loud as he can

[00:35:02] And he's like, oh

[00:35:04] He's like, oh, I'm sorry

[00:35:06] I'm not gonna wake him

[00:35:08] You guys want to hear free-thon with him

[00:35:10] Everybody sing along

[00:35:12] She's a good girl

[00:35:14] The neighbors you know are just like

[00:35:16] Shut up down there

[00:35:18] Oh, I'm sorry

[00:35:20] I refuse to knock

[00:35:22] On my door

[00:35:24] But I'm going to get back to free-thon

[00:35:26] And we don't mind

[00:35:28] I had a bunch about the publishing company

[00:35:30] Well, okay

[00:35:32] That grandmother

[00:35:34] She has a backstory

[00:35:36] She's a notorious Cruella de Vil

[00:35:38] Style dog thief

[00:35:40] She collects them

[00:35:42] She just kidnapped

[00:35:44] That dog out of the movie

[00:35:46] She had to

[00:35:48] Somebody's not getting a puppy

[00:35:50] And the parents knew it

[00:35:52] Because that's why they said

[00:35:54] We're going to take him to the pound

[00:35:56] To make sure he doesn't actually already belong

[00:35:58] I don't know about Grandma

[00:36:00] She just takes dogs

[00:36:02] Everywhere she goes

[00:36:04] The grandma is the secret villain of this film

[00:36:06] I firmly believe

[00:36:08] There's an upfront villain who we know about

[00:36:10] I firmly believe that the grandma

[00:36:12] Has nefarious intentions for that

[00:36:14] I want to say this

[00:36:16] I think that the grandmother

[00:36:18] In a better directed

[00:36:20] Film

[00:36:22] The grandmother would have really been

[00:36:24] The conduit

[00:36:26] To do everything wonderful

[00:36:28] Happening

[00:36:30] Because that's what she's presented as

[00:36:32] She is the method

[00:36:34] By which

[00:36:36] Good things happen

[00:36:38] In the film

[00:36:40] But we don't see it happening

[00:36:42] In a way that is convincing

[00:36:44] I'm being a film critic here right now

[00:36:46] I want this idea

[00:36:48] To be done in a better way

[00:36:51] With better everything

[00:36:53] You know

[00:36:55] Better direction, better script

[00:36:57] Better conversations

[00:36:59] Between people

[00:37:01] Because the conversations between people

[00:37:03] Are brittle and non-existent

[00:37:05] They rely on

[00:37:07] The chemistry of the two leads who play the parents

[00:37:09] They rely on their physical chemistry

[00:37:11] They're

[00:37:13] Seemingly kind of genuine

[00:37:15] Lost for each other

[00:37:17] To overcome

[00:37:19] The fact that

[00:37:21] They can't finish sentences

[00:37:23] That connect to each other

[00:37:25] In any way

[00:37:27] You betrayed me and you

[00:37:29] Don't talk to me and you don't listen to me

[00:37:31] And they just see this again and again

[00:37:33] And I was like can someone explain to me

[00:37:35] What is their problem

[00:37:39] It doesn't, none of it made

[00:37:41] Any sense

[00:37:43] Here comes some petty

[00:37:45] Wait what

[00:37:47] Those are my favorite

[00:37:49] They have a restaurant

[00:37:51] But I never see any food

[00:37:53] Or a war customer

[00:37:55] Him working at the restaurant hardly

[00:37:57] I never see any customers

[00:37:59] I never see any real food

[00:38:01] Like I see a plate of some food

[00:38:03] And I can't remember now what it was she made

[00:38:05] Near the end

[00:38:07] No, it was something else and I'm blanking on the name

[00:38:09] And I should have written it down

[00:38:11] But the

[00:38:13] Have you all watched The Bear

[00:38:15] Oh of course

[00:38:17] That's amazing

[00:38:19] That's closer

[00:38:21] To what a restaurant is like

[00:38:23] Little bit

[00:38:25] This restaurant

[00:38:27] Well I wonder if they don't have any

[00:38:29] I wonder if they're a failing business

[00:38:31] Because I don't see anybody there and I don't see any food

[00:38:33] And apparently he's there all the time

[00:38:35] He lives at the restaurant

[00:38:37] Except he doesn't

[00:38:39] They're busy writing kids books there

[00:38:41] They can't have customers

[00:38:43] There is overall

[00:38:45] I don't know if this counts as a wait what

[00:38:47] To my petty wait once in a second

[00:38:49] But there is overall

[00:38:51] A slowness to this movie

[00:38:53] Yes

[00:38:55] That makes me feel like

[00:38:57] I needed more

[00:38:59] People talking about

[00:39:01] What's really going on

[00:39:03] Without these constant sort of like

[00:39:05] You're being mean to me

[00:39:07] You don't listen to me

[00:39:09] You are getting a massage

[00:39:11] From a lady that is

[00:39:13] A fitness instructor who knows exactly

[00:39:15] What you're doing and it's all about

[00:39:17] Board and maw but I'm still upset

[00:39:19] The slowness of this

[00:39:21] Threatened to give me a blood clot

[00:39:23] In my surgical site

[00:39:25] And that is a problem

[00:39:27] For a person who is trying to convalesce

[00:39:29] I was bewildered Dave

[00:39:31] When I realized I was only

[00:39:33] 35 minutes into the movie

[00:39:35] I couldn't believe

[00:39:37] I was only 35 minutes in

[00:39:39] I was angry

[00:39:41] I'm not like a therapist at all

[00:39:43] I don't know if anybody in this room has ever been

[00:39:45] In therapy but I have

[00:39:47] And therapists are

[00:39:49] Calm

[00:39:51] They don't badger you

[00:39:53] Into telling

[00:39:55] First of all they don't give you the answers

[00:39:57] Like this one does in the movie

[00:39:59] They don't pester you into doing things

[00:40:01] Like this one does

[00:40:03] They don't give you attitude like this one does

[00:40:05] It was a really weird moment

[00:40:07] To be in the therapist's office

[00:40:09] With these two people

[00:40:11] To that point because I had that one

[00:40:13] I'm sure there's some bad therapists out there

[00:40:15] But we found the worst one

[00:40:17] The two

[00:40:19] The couple starts to raise their voice

[00:40:21] At each other

[00:40:23] Raise their voices at each other

[00:40:25] And the way she stops it is by

[00:40:27] Matching their pitch

[00:40:29] She jumps in as loud as them

[00:40:31] And I've not been

[00:40:33] To therapy school

[00:40:35] But I'm pretty sure you don't join in

[00:40:37] On the yelling

[00:40:39] Not how that works

[00:40:41] In therapy

[00:40:43] Ridiculous

[00:40:45] I don't want

[00:40:47] Any children to watch this

[00:40:49] Film because

[00:40:51] Because it will give them ideas

[00:40:53] About what can possibly happen

[00:40:55] In real life

[00:40:59] You don't write a letter to Santa

[00:41:01] Asking for your parents to get back together again

[00:41:03] And I'll tell you why

[00:41:05] When I was nine years old

[00:41:07] My mom ran off with my future stepfather

[00:41:09] You know what I asked for Santa that year

[00:41:11] Guess

[00:41:13] Guess what I didn't get

[00:41:15] And so kids shouldn't see these things

[00:41:19] Kids should not see these kinds of things

[00:41:21] Let the child understand cold hard reality

[00:41:23] And muddle through somehow

[00:41:25] Like Judy Garland sang

[00:41:29] So here's another one of my weight

[00:41:31] What's

[00:41:33] I don't like a skinny tree

[00:41:35] I don't like an artificial skinny tree

[00:41:37] You've seen those skinny trees

[00:41:39] I hate those things

[00:41:41] I despise the skinny tree

[00:41:43] I think they are an abomination

[00:41:45] And I think that

[00:41:47] When they're in a Hallmark movie

[00:41:49] The people who

[00:41:51] The characters in those films

[00:41:53] Who have that in their home

[00:41:55] They're morally bankrupt people

[00:41:57] And so

[00:41:59] I saw these people had a skinny tree

[00:42:01] And I hated them for the rest of the film

[00:42:03] It's a good thing we don't know anybody

[00:42:05] That's got one of those

[00:42:07] Who's got a skinny tree

[00:42:09] Who in this room has a skinny tree

[00:42:11] Producer Erin

[00:42:13] Why defend yourself

[00:42:15] I don't think her mic works

[00:42:17] She works at Michael's

[00:42:19] She has a small apartment

[00:42:21] And she had a voucher

[00:42:23] And a discount and got the tree for $13

[00:42:25] You get a pass

[00:42:27] You're not morally bankrupt

[00:42:29] That's a real life set of

[00:42:31] Circumstances

[00:42:33] That's right

[00:42:35] So you get a pass for that

[00:42:37] But in fiction

[00:42:39] When you have a gigantic house

[00:42:41] And you jam a tree in the corner

[00:42:43] They should have a tree on the porch

[00:42:45] The tree they put in between

[00:42:47] The wall and their couch

[00:42:49] They're like we can fit this tiny little boy

[00:42:51] Right in there

[00:42:53] I would like to understand

[00:42:55] The Santa Claus in this movie for a moment

[00:42:57] And why

[00:42:59] Is he just waiting to see him

[00:43:01] Why do these kids just get to hop right onto his lap

[00:43:03] With no line

[00:43:05] You ever been to take your kids to see Santa?

[00:43:07] You're going to wait 90 minutes

[00:43:09] To see Santa

[00:43:11] You're going to be in line

[00:43:13] You know why I don't have kids

[00:43:15] I don't want to take them to see Santa

[00:43:17] This is the least busy Santa in the world

[00:43:19] The title treatment

[00:43:21] The font

[00:43:23] The typeface

[00:43:25] The title treatment for this movie

[00:43:27] I was angry about that from the very beginning

[00:43:29] I hate Zumba

[00:43:31] I don't think anyone should do Zumba

[00:43:33] Mostly because I can't do anything right now

[00:43:35] With my hips

[00:43:37] Maybe in the future

[00:43:39] When I can move my hips again

[00:43:41] And I have two new titanium falala

[00:43:43] Hips

[00:43:45] I might join a Zumba class

[00:43:47] And I'll let y'all know if that happens

[00:43:49] Currently it just felt like candy was taunting you

[00:43:51] Right now

[00:43:53] Exactly candy was taunting me

[00:43:55] What else do I got here

[00:43:59] When dude

[00:44:01] Pats himself on the gut

[00:44:03] Yeah

[00:44:05] He basically insinuates that he's fat

[00:44:07] And I'm like, come on bro

[00:44:09] Guess what dude

[00:44:11] My orthopedic surgeon made me lose

[00:44:13] 70 pounds

[00:44:15] Before I could get surgery

[00:44:17] I used to wear a big beautiful bouncing

[00:44:19] 325 sexy pounds

[00:44:21] And now I weigh

[00:44:23] 38 pounds

[00:44:25] And I feel weird

[00:44:27] I feel like a twink

[00:44:29] And it's strange

[00:44:31] And I don't like it

[00:44:33] And it's all

[00:44:35] I was all

[00:44:37] I had to do it

[00:44:39] So don't you go around patented belly

[00:44:41] The 160 pound

[00:44:43] Actor and being like, oh look at me

[00:44:45] I'm so fat

[00:44:47] Too many donuts

[00:44:49] Shut up

[00:44:51] Give me Dave White as Wonka

[00:44:53] You can catch Dave White

[00:44:55] December 15th in Wonka

[00:44:57] Coming to theaters

[00:44:59] Talking about the whole thing with candy

[00:45:01] That was fantastic

[00:45:03] So it was this movie of fatness on reality

[00:45:05] Sure

[00:45:07] And I guess that's it for now

[00:45:09] Until I think of something else that I left off my list

[00:45:11] Yeah

[00:45:13] Very bad therapist

[00:45:15] Oh, the worst

[00:45:17] In order to

[00:45:19] At least attempt to write

[00:45:21] She

[00:45:23] All movie she's like, I got

[00:45:25] I can't, I got this deadline

[00:45:27] Bro, just write

[00:45:29] Just do something

[00:45:31] To Brian's point from earlier this week

[00:45:33] No hustle

[00:45:35] No hustle

[00:45:37] My biggest one though

[00:45:39] Is the Santa Claus

[00:45:41] Who doesn't have a line

[00:45:43] And when he's off duty

[00:45:45] Is still there

[00:45:47] Just reading the newspaper

[00:45:49] With him and a police officer and two children

[00:45:51] Oh, just willing to hang out

[00:45:53] Why is he there?

[00:45:55] Why was he still at this place

[00:45:57] Just hanging out

[00:45:59] Obviously convenient for the kids

[00:46:01] That he would be when he's off duty

[00:46:03] But weird indeed

[00:46:05] And let's go ahead and continue with the Santa

[00:46:07] Because he gave them a magic pin

[00:46:09] Knowing it wasn't magic

[00:46:11] This guy

[00:46:13] All Santas are liars

[00:46:15] But this guy

[00:46:17] Can the level

[00:46:19] Of nefariousness of just downright

[00:46:21] Did he have a vendetta against their parents?

[00:46:23] You know what I'm going to do for these kids is

[00:46:25] I'm not going to grant them one fake wish

[00:46:27] I'm going to pull a pin out of my pocket

[00:46:29] And say

[00:46:31] Anything you write with this pin

[00:46:33] If it comes from your heart

[00:46:35] Will be given to you

[00:46:37] And he doesn't know the situation

[00:46:39] He doesn't know the parents are divorced

[00:46:41] He doesn't like are separated

[00:46:43] He doesn't know that

[00:46:45] That is the worst Santa

[00:46:47] In the history of time

[00:46:49] You can't do that to people

[00:46:51] Santa

[00:46:53] Okay, but there was that film called

[00:46:55] Silent Night Deadly Night

[00:46:57] That's true

[00:46:59] That's true

[00:47:01] Of the non-murdering Santas

[00:47:03] Giving a child a pin

[00:47:05] And telling them that it's magic

[00:47:07] Is parent's torture

[00:47:09] That is what that is

[00:47:11] One of my favorite scenes of the year

[00:47:13] When they have the magic pin

[00:47:15] The kids in the room

[00:47:17] And the girl is going to write the letter

[00:47:19] And the boy says

[00:47:21] It's going to take forever if you write that letter

[00:47:23] It's never going to be done

[00:47:25] Hand me that pin

[00:47:27] And he gets the pin

[00:47:29] And we see a profile view of him

[00:47:31] And he's got

[00:47:33] The card he's going to write

[00:47:35] He's like what do you want it to say

[00:47:37] And she starts going dear Santa

[00:47:39] And he starts doing this real big

[00:47:41] Just like big

[00:47:43] Like he could maybe be writing

[00:47:45] One gigantic word

[00:47:47] Really fast, it's like whole page

[00:47:49] Big loop

[00:47:51] So you said ten words

[00:47:53] I'm going to go with whole page big loop

[00:47:55] That's what I'm going with

[00:47:57] It's fantastic

[00:47:59] You need to go watch the scene

[00:48:01] It is almost worth the viewing experience

[00:48:03] Of this movie, it's terrible

[00:48:05] I don't think that the massage

[00:48:07] Was above board

[00:48:09] I don't

[00:48:11] Candy is the assistant general manager

[00:48:13] Of the restaurant

[00:48:15] That is her full time job

[00:48:17] Not licensed massage therapist

[00:48:19] She also teaches Zumba

[00:48:21] For some reason

[00:48:23] It's weird that he goes to her with a neck issue

[00:48:25] And she's like you know what's best for a neck massage

[00:48:27] Is if you lay down flat on the ground

[00:48:29] While I give you this

[00:48:31] Very intense

[00:48:33] Massage

[00:48:35] That is above board

[00:48:37] That is not how you receive a neck massage

[00:48:39] From a professional

[00:48:41] She clearly thought that he was

[00:48:43] Divorced

[00:48:45] When she shows up, she says X has been

[00:48:47] So clearly she's going for it

[00:48:49] That's what I'm saying

[00:48:51] And he's allowing it

[00:48:53] This is not some

[00:48:55] She's a professional

[00:48:57] And she gave me a neck massage

[00:48:59] She does Zumba

[00:49:01] So obviously

[00:49:03] She's an assistant GM

[00:49:05] Of my restaurant

[00:49:07] And a Zumba instructor

[00:49:09] She's a professional massage therapist

[00:49:11] Those two things equal horizontal masseuse

[00:49:13] Of course, horizontal masseuse

[00:49:15] Absolutely

[00:49:17] Am I to understand at the end of this movie

[00:49:19] Produced by Aaron Shea

[00:49:21] Not the movie, the show

[00:49:23] Am I to understand at the end of this movie

[00:49:25] That the boy gets

[00:49:27] His PlayStation

[00:49:29] And the girl's gift

[00:49:31] The hardcover version of the book

[00:49:33] That she helped write, yeah

[00:49:35] That she helped write

[00:49:37] He

[00:49:39] This boy gets

[00:49:41] The gift of his dreams

[00:49:43] He never thought possible

[00:49:45] And she got

[00:49:47] Basically drink your Ovalteen

[00:49:49] She got a hardcover version

[00:49:51] Be sure to read

[00:49:53] The book he wrote

[00:49:55] She gets the book

[00:49:57] She helped write

[00:49:59] That is absurd

[00:50:01] I can't

[00:50:03] Why?

[00:50:05] Why would you find something

[00:50:07] Of equal value to a PlayStation

[00:50:09] To give this poor girl

[00:50:11] So she does not feel like she is

[00:50:13] I don't know if you heard, they ordered 25,000 copies

[00:50:15] They did, they ordered 25,000

[00:50:17] That's exactly right

[00:50:19] And then lastly the puppy in this movie

[00:50:21] Disappears for long stretches

[00:50:23] I think randomly

[00:50:25] I don't know if you know about puppy's pump

[00:50:27] They take them out every few hours

[00:50:29] You can't just like, you know

[00:50:31] Put them in the house for 12 straight hours

[00:50:33] It will not go well

[00:50:35] And the puppy just disappears

[00:50:37] They are not committed to the puppy bit

[00:50:39] That's all I've got

[00:50:41] It's time for what the hallmarks were

[00:50:43] Brian, what are you still wondering about?

[00:50:45] I had a few things but one

[00:50:47] I'm going to mention, maybe Dave caught this

[00:50:49] We weren't thinking the same thing about this scene

[00:50:51] Dan, it was when Maria, his sister

[00:50:53] There's a dinner scene

[00:50:55] Hot Liam speaks Spanish

[00:50:57] Because he speaks multiple languages

[00:50:59] And then the sister Maria says something in Spanish

[00:51:01] And my take on it was

[00:51:03] That it was all voice over

[00:51:05] All dubbed over because

[00:51:07] I don't know what happened there

[00:51:09] But to me it looked like she was just moving her lips

[00:51:11] And the voice

[00:51:13] Was added after

[00:51:15] And then the entire, there's a whole

[00:51:17] Other sentence she says not in Spanish

[00:51:19] That they continue with the voice over

[00:51:21] Because it just looked like the lips weren't matching up

[00:51:23] The words that I was hearing

[00:51:25] It didn't look like it to you

[00:51:27] To me, this is the greatest thing I've ever seen

[00:51:29] It looked so much like patchwork to me

[00:51:31] But I would love to know if I'm right

[00:51:33] Or if I'm wrong because it's going to bug me for a long time

[00:51:35] Dave, what are you still wondering about?

[00:51:38] I'm wondering why at the end

[00:51:40] When he sings that

[00:51:42] Loud, loud song

[00:51:44] To her on the porch

[00:51:46] That threatens to wake their children

[00:51:48] Why

[00:51:50] The screenwriter couldn't have come up

[00:51:52] With a fun word to rhyme

[00:51:54] With husband

[00:51:56] Like

[00:51:58] Plusband

[00:52:00] Just make something up

[00:52:02] Instead

[00:52:04] They follow up this

[00:52:06] Clunkety line in the song

[00:52:08] In which all the lines are clunkety

[00:52:10] With

[00:52:12] I don't even remember if it rhymed or not

[00:52:14] Or something like, but I love you baby

[00:52:16] Like that was how it ended

[00:52:18] Really good

[00:52:20] Something with husband

[00:52:22] Or get out of here

[00:52:24] Get out of here

[00:52:26] Liam's a star

[00:52:28] Love Liam

[00:52:30] I don't know who Liam

[00:52:32] He's the illustrator

[00:52:34] Hot Liam

[00:52:36] Hot Liam

[00:52:38] What we don't get

[00:52:40] Is

[00:52:42] Much of Liam's backstory

[00:52:44] Which is apparently he's an illustrator

[00:52:46] That gets to do whatever he wants to

[00:52:48] That's where he's at

[00:52:50] And he

[00:52:52] Just like the publisher doesn't know

[00:52:54] What her story is going to be

[00:52:56] Just loved her first few so much

[00:52:58] That flew over from

[00:53:00] The UK

[00:53:02] So what is a comparable

[00:53:04] What's a comparable

[00:53:06] Illustrator

[00:53:08] To Liam

[00:53:10] Because he is somebody who can pick

[00:53:12] Whatever jobs he wants to

[00:53:14] And chooses this one

[00:53:16] And no other information

[00:53:18] So he seems like

[00:53:20] A very powerful person

[00:53:22] It seems like a very powerful role

[00:53:24] Dan

[00:53:26] The way I was understanding the TikTok video

[00:53:28] Is that it was in lieu of a Christmas card

[00:53:30] Correct

[00:53:32] They sent that out as their Christmas card

[00:53:34] Why was Liam in the Christmas card

[00:53:36] And Candy

[00:53:38] Candy is there too isn't she

[00:53:40] No

[00:53:42] Just Liam

[00:53:44] They let anybody

[00:53:46] Yeah UPS driver

[00:53:51] They do say the UPS driver was in

[00:53:53] I got my question answered

[00:53:55] I feel like at this point it's airtight

[00:53:57] It's an airtight situation

[00:53:59] We did it everybody congratulations

[00:54:01] Lots of

[00:54:03] Verbal

[00:54:05] Arguments

[00:54:07] But were there any fist fights

[00:54:09] Any action sequences that perhaps we missed

[00:54:11] There's only one person who can tell us

[00:54:13] That it's Vic Webster

[00:54:15] A fighting chance with Vic Webster

[00:54:17] Which Dave White will not be able to hear

[00:54:39] Oh this one was full of action

[00:54:41] During the commercials

[00:54:43] A fighting chance with Vic Webster

[00:54:45] And he comes up with something different

[00:54:47] Every time it's very impressive

[00:54:49] Love that guy

[00:54:51] Love Vic Webster

[00:54:53] Also love Dave White

[00:54:55] Dave thank you so much for joining us

[00:54:57] For our yearly get together

[00:54:59] This was everything I hoped it would be

[00:55:01] It was also everything I hoped it would be too

[00:55:03] Minus

[00:55:05] My leg is swelling up now

[00:55:07] And I think it's because of y'all

[00:55:09] Yeah we feel terrible

[00:55:11] You need to go you figure that out buddy

[00:55:13] We love you

[00:55:15] May we be the first to wish you a Merry Christmas

[00:55:19] Deck the Hallmark is a Brable Jam podcast

[00:55:21] Produced by Aaron Shea

[00:55:23] For more information on Deck the Hallmark

[00:55:25] You can go to deckthehallmark.com

[00:55:27] For more information on the Deck the Hallmark family

[00:55:29] You can go to brablejamplus.com

[00:55:31] Deck the Hallmark is presented by Filo TV

[00:55:33] For a free trial of Filo

[00:55:35] Go to filo.tv.slashdth

[00:55:37] You're about to hear some ads

[00:55:43] That help keep the lights on here in the old studio

[00:55:47] Thanks for listening

[00:55:49] Or don't listen it's really up to you

[00:55:51] At this point it's at the end of the show

[00:55:53] I mean you're listening to me hi

[00:55:55] But here they come I promise they're coming

[00:55:57] Yep here they are

[00:55:59] Happy day