Werewolf Santa (FrightFest London - 2023) ft. Alonso Duralde

[00:00:00] Hi, I'm Bran and I love werewolf Christmas movies. I'm Dan and I despise werewolf Christmas movies

[00:00:07] I'm Alonzo, and I'm sorry. I was here for the werewolf bar mitzvah and this is the Deck The Hallmark Podcast

[00:00:13] Deck The Hallmark, it's his podcast

[00:00:15] Brandon and friends host his podcast

[00:00:17] Brandon and friends host his podcast

[00:00:21] We hope you like this jolly podcast

[00:00:23] Hi everybody, happy July, we finally made it to July

[00:00:25] Yeah, what's going on?

[00:00:27] We actually are in June

[00:00:30] Yes, it's great to be here today

[00:00:32] You didn't want to acknowledge Memorial Day

[00:00:34] No

[00:00:36] You skipped Pride Month

[00:00:38] I skipped Pride Month

[00:00:40] I skipped Pride Month

[00:00:42] I skipped Pride Month

[00:00:44] I skipped Pride Month

[00:00:46] I skipped Pride Month

[00:00:48] You skipped Pride Month all together

[00:00:50] You skipped Pride Month all together

[00:00:52] Because you made LGBTQ plus people

[00:00:54] And weddings apparently

[00:00:56] Yeah, so you know

[00:00:58] Great job Bran, all the way around

[00:01:00] Really classy on your part

[00:01:02] I have a

[00:01:04] A chat group on my phone

[00:01:06] That for some reason

[00:01:08] Every year it's a competition to see who

[00:01:10] Can be the first person to post

[00:01:12] When it becomes June

[00:01:14] Do you know the

[00:01:16] Prince song, Sign of the Times

[00:01:18] Can't say that I do

[00:01:20] Really? Okay, well anyway

[00:01:22] There's a line about like

[00:01:24] How his cousin

[00:01:26] Smoked reefer

[00:01:28] In May or something and like

[00:01:30] Now he's on horse, it's June

[00:01:32] And so it's June

[00:01:34] Is like the thing in our chat group

[00:01:36] To mark the passage

[00:01:38] It's sort of our version of the

[00:01:40] Justin Timberlake, it's gonna be May

[00:01:42] I love it

[00:01:44] No, that's nice

[00:01:46] No I'm thrilled that it is June

[00:01:48] I love June, there's no one that loves June more than me

[00:01:50] That'd be one on the record

[00:01:52] We're talking about

[00:01:54] June Havoc, June Alice

[00:01:56] You know many are saying I love June more than anyone's ever loved June

[00:01:58] No one loves June more than me

[00:02:00] I thought about changing my name

[00:02:02] To June, that's how much I love it

[00:02:04] June Grey

[00:02:06] Really excited

[00:02:08] Today we're talking about Werewolf Santa

[00:02:10] Can I call you Junebug?

[00:02:12] Yeah you can

[00:02:14] Werewolf Santa is what we're talking about today

[00:02:16] And why drag it out any longer

[00:02:18] It originally premiered on

[00:02:20] August 25th

[00:02:22] Christmas Eve car orgy

[00:02:24] Let's go

[00:02:26] At Fright Fest London

[00:02:28] This movie premiered at Fright Fest London

[00:02:30] And it was a fright

[00:02:32] It was a fright

[00:02:34] And it went a little something like this

[00:02:36] We're dropped

[00:02:38] Into the videos

[00:02:40] Of a YouTuber named Lucy

[00:02:42] Her channel is called Monster Hunters

[00:02:44] And she's not good at it

[00:02:46] She does not find

[00:02:48] Monsters

[00:02:50] And she just kind of sits there

[00:02:52] And talks about how there's not monsters

[00:02:54] That is until

[00:02:56] Christmas Eve of 2018

[00:02:58] Suddenly it cuts to a

[00:03:02] It cuts to a storybook

[00:03:04] And illustrations

[00:03:06] And we hear the entire

[00:03:08] Story

[00:03:10] Twas the night before Christmas

[00:03:12] With the illustrations and I don't know why

[00:03:14] It happens

[00:03:16] But it's the entire story

[00:03:18] And the illustrations are like weird

[00:03:20] Because I think the guy gets high

[00:03:22] With Santa

[00:03:24] I'm not entirely sure a little puff puff pass

[00:03:26] Situation with Santa Claus

[00:03:28] And it all ends with you know it

[00:03:30] Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night

[00:03:32] Until it all went

[00:03:34] There's some explicit

[00:03:36] But crazy is what they're trying to say

[00:03:38] They told the whole story just to let us know

[00:03:40] And then it all went crazy

[00:03:42] Here's that story

[00:03:44] Of it going crazy

[00:03:46] So Santa's puff puff pass as you know

[00:03:48] So back to 2018

[00:03:50] Lucy and Dustin are driving home

[00:03:52] For Christmas

[00:03:54] And Dustin is filming everything for better or worse

[00:03:56] Mainly

[00:03:58] For worse

[00:04:00] Especially when they get to her mom's house

[00:04:02] It is a mess

[00:04:04] They can't handle this anymore

[00:04:06] So they go outside

[00:04:08] To smoke a little something

[00:04:10] And as they're talking

[00:04:12] This guy runs out of the woods

[00:04:14] All bloody and collapses

[00:04:16] He has a big claw gash

[00:04:18] On the top of his head

[00:04:20] They go into the woods

[00:04:22] To see if they can see anything

[00:04:24] She's a monster hunter

[00:04:26] And so she goes into the woods

[00:04:28] To see if she can see anything

[00:04:30] And they don't find anything

[00:04:32] They go into the woods

[00:04:34] And they stumble upon Santa

[00:04:36] Taking a wee

[00:04:38] I'm British

[00:04:40] Just then

[00:04:42] They see something tackle Santa

[00:04:44] And start attacking him

[00:04:46] This thing then scurries off

[00:04:48] They go to check on Santa

[00:04:50] His intestines

[00:04:52] Are out

[00:04:54] Hanging out of his stomach

[00:04:56] And he says that he wants to try to stand up

[00:04:58] And when he does

[00:05:00] He says in a scary voice

[00:05:02] No pain at all

[00:05:06] That's their cue, they run off

[00:05:08] Realizing that Santa

[00:05:10] Is now Werewolf Santa

[00:05:12] Thank you

[00:05:14] Merry Christmas

[00:05:16] They decide

[00:05:18] That they want to try to stop him

[00:05:20] What?

[00:05:22] When they see him

[00:05:24] About to go into

[00:05:26] Someone's house

[00:05:28] They decide to record him coming down the chimney

[00:05:30] They catch it on video

[00:05:32] And then they run off, they do nothing about it

[00:05:34] They decide that they need to stop

[00:05:36] The werewolf

[00:05:38] So while they're out

[00:05:40] And about, they come across a group of folks

[00:05:42] Doing the dirty

[00:05:44] On top of a car

[00:05:46] Christmas Eve car

[00:05:48] Thank you Dan-o

[00:05:50] Don't worry though, Werewolf Santa

[00:05:52] Is not about that life

[00:05:54] And he goes and he takes them all out

[00:05:58] And

[00:06:02] Thank you, it takes longer than you would expect

[00:06:04] But they eventually

[00:06:06] Track

[00:06:08] Track him down and they shoot him

[00:06:10] They shoot him, but not before

[00:06:12] Santa

[00:06:14] Takes a bite out of her dad

[00:06:16] Her dad's a part of this story as well

[00:06:18] And dad

[00:06:20] Convinces her

[00:06:22] Dad convinces her

[00:06:24] To shoot him

[00:06:26] And they end up killing him

[00:06:28] Because he's turning into a werewolf

[00:06:30] You can tell by his hands

[00:06:32] The glove he's wearing

[00:06:34] To showcase werewolf

[00:06:36] After that Santa then pops back up

[00:06:38] And he's good to go

[00:06:40] He's back to normal

[00:06:42] Like suits, pristine, no problem

[00:06:44] They save the day, yay

[00:06:46] The movie ends

[00:06:48] With friends hanging out again

[00:06:50] I believe next Christmas

[00:06:52] And they end up seeing Santa

[00:06:54] And that my friends

[00:06:56] And that my friends was

[00:06:58] Werewolf Santa

[00:07:00] We didn't

[00:07:02] Lonzo, it seems like

[00:07:04] You're still scared

[00:07:06] Oh yeah

[00:07:08] Terrified

[00:07:10] But only in an aesthetic way

[00:07:12] Right, you would think if you listen to Junebug's

[00:07:14] Synopsis, you'd think that

[00:07:16] He had left out just

[00:07:18] So much

[00:07:20] Pages and pages

[00:07:22] He did not, in fact

[00:07:24] The movie is only an hour and ten minutes

[00:07:26] Let's take a quick break

[00:07:28] We'll come back and we'll break this movie down

[00:07:30] Here on

[00:07:32] Take the Hallmark

[00:07:39] Welcome back everybody

[00:07:44] We are going to analyze werewolf

[00:07:46] Santa in a way that

[00:07:48] I'm going to go out on a limb and say no one else

[00:07:50] In the world has

[00:07:52] If you want to hear

[00:07:54] Analysis on this movie

[00:07:56] We are your exclusive

[00:07:58] Exclusive

[00:08:00] Access

[00:08:02] This is it

[00:08:04] This episode is going to be near the run time

[00:08:06] Of the film

[00:08:10] Let's break this movie down, we're going to start with the hot take

[00:08:12] Is where we share exactly how we felt about this movie

[00:08:14] Alonzo

[00:08:16] How's your life changed

[00:08:18] Since watching werewolf Santa, what'd you think?

[00:08:20] Christmas Eve car orgy, let's go

[00:08:24] You keep referring to this

[00:08:26] As a movie

[00:08:28] And I'm not sure that

[00:08:30] It is one

[00:08:32] It is, like you said, 70 minutes

[00:08:34] And that's including the entire

[00:08:36] Recitation

[00:08:38] Of Twas the Night Before Christmas

[00:08:40] By Joe Bob Briggs

[00:08:42] Yeah

[00:08:44] This just feels like

[00:08:46] A lark

[00:08:48] Like just like somebody

[00:08:50] One afternoon and their phone

[00:08:52] And they thought well this will be funny

[00:08:54] And it

[00:08:58] I don't know even what to say about this thing

[00:09:00] It is

[00:09:02] Hot nothing

[00:09:04] There's no

[00:09:06] Structure to it, there's no

[00:09:12] Words fail me, really

[00:09:14] This is a non-entity

[00:09:16] Of a film

[00:09:19] Yes, it's not good

[00:09:21] I do think

[00:09:23] That there was

[00:09:25] An attempt

[00:09:27] There was an attempt

[00:09:29] To do something

[00:09:31] Like you know they rented out a snow machine

[00:09:35] And had it going

[00:09:37] Occasionally and

[00:09:39] There were some interesting

[00:09:41] Light choices

[00:09:43] And

[00:09:45] It is, I'm trying man

[00:09:47] It is not good

[00:09:49] It makes no sense

[00:09:51] The first

[00:09:53] Five minutes of this movie

[00:09:55] You will

[00:09:57] Not, you won't last

[00:09:59] We would have turned it off

[00:10:01] If we could have

[00:10:03] It was

[00:10:05] Weird and not in a fun way

[00:10:07] Like I don't mind

[00:10:09] Weird, I don't mind

[00:10:11] You know like bad horror

[00:10:13] Like I can deal with it but this was

[00:10:15] Not fun

[00:10:17] Weird and it was not good horror

[00:10:19] It was not bad horror

[00:10:21] It was not horror

[00:10:23] So it was

[00:10:25] A group of pals

[00:10:27] That got together

[00:10:29] With their iphone and said

[00:10:31] Let's give this a whirl

[00:10:33] Let's give it a whirl

[00:10:35] That snow machine is a snow machine

[00:10:37] The way this movie is a movie

[00:10:39] Well I mean if you've ever been around

[00:10:41] Like if you've ever seen one of those

[00:10:43] At like a thing

[00:10:45] It is, that is what it is

[00:10:47] At this point like they could have

[00:10:49] Just done digital snow and

[00:10:51] Should they have yes

[00:10:53] But I mean look

[00:10:55] I've seen one of those babies in action

[00:10:57] Like at Disneyland or whatever and if the snow comes out

[00:10:59] The way it does in this movie then you reset it

[00:11:01] Yeah you reset it

[00:11:05] There was an attempt I guess

[00:11:07] Dan? Yeah for those of you

[00:11:09] Who are regular listeners to the podcast

[00:11:11] Those of you who aren't just jumping in

[00:11:13] For werewolf Santa because you

[00:11:15] Are our thoughts

[00:11:17] I am one to

[00:11:19] Hyperbole I guess

[00:11:21] I'm one for hyperbole

[00:11:23] I tend to exaggerate from time to time

[00:11:25] This is my least

[00:11:27] Favorite thing I've ever watched

[00:11:29] For this podcast

[00:11:31] Without question

[00:11:33] And I can't believe

[00:11:35] A movie called werewolf Santa

[00:11:37] Is the thing that I've enjoyed the least

[00:11:39] Why? Well

[00:11:41] What really wasn't

[00:11:43] Mentioned specifically in the synopsis

[00:11:45] Although you did say it

[00:11:47] Is this is a found footage movie

[00:11:49] Oh yeah

[00:11:51] So the whole movie

[00:11:53] Is shaky cam

[00:11:55] So one if you're going to do that and you're not Blair Witch

[00:11:57] Or something you really have to

[00:11:59] It's harder to do that

[00:12:01] It's not easier to do that it's harder to do that

[00:12:03] No care is given to that

[00:12:05] What so ever none

[00:12:07] Um

[00:12:09] It is virtually impossible to watch

[00:12:11] Uh it is so short

[00:12:13] Yet feels so so very long

[00:12:17] It has no

[00:12:19] I still am not sure what happened

[00:12:21] I just know that if I was supposed to

[00:12:23] Do this for my job

[00:12:25] I couldn't do it

[00:12:27] This is not

[00:12:29] It's not a movie

[00:12:31] I also am not a huge partaker of recreational drugs

[00:12:33] But I can imagine that those making this film

[00:12:35] Were and I can also

[00:12:37] Imagine

[00:12:39] That yes

[00:12:41] If this may be the reason

[00:12:43] To try it out

[00:12:45] I just don't like

[00:12:47] Does it get better if you

[00:12:49] Just go on a full acid trip

[00:12:51] I don't know

[00:12:53] But this movie is not interesting enough

[00:12:55] To be experimental and it's not good enough

[00:12:57] To be called a movie

[00:12:59] It's just

[00:13:01] I'm going to give them a lot of credit

[00:13:03] It's 58 minutes of footage

[00:13:05] Packaged in a 75 minute movie

[00:13:07] About nothing

[00:13:09] Um it was awful

[00:13:11] It was awful

[00:13:13] In a way that made me feel bad about what I'd said

[00:13:15] About other movies

[00:13:17] It was just terrible

[00:13:19] And I wish I was more light hearted about it

[00:13:21] But I'm not

[00:13:23] Kids don't do drugs

[00:13:25] Don't do drugs

[00:13:27] And the movie is also just like

[00:13:29] I said it last week don't watch it

[00:13:31] But it's like it's crass

[00:13:33] For no reason at times

[00:13:35] It none of the like

[00:13:37] Crassness makes any

[00:13:39] Sense and it's just like sometimes they say

[00:13:41] Something and it's like why

[00:13:43] This Christmas Eve car orgy which we'll talk

[00:13:45] About in a way what had no reason

[00:13:47] To exist

[00:13:49] Zero logical explanation

[00:13:51] Especially since it's snowing outside

[00:13:53] I don't know if you've heard

[00:13:55] It's snowing outside

[00:13:57] What better time

[00:13:59] Let's get to all the feels

[00:14:01] So many feels

[00:14:03] Okay here's what I got

[00:14:05] I had Joe Bob Briggs feels

[00:14:07] Um Joe Bob Briggs

[00:14:09] In a cartoon version

[00:14:11] Comes out and reads

[00:14:13] Who is Joe Bob Briggs

[00:14:15] Okay well Joe Bob Briggs is a creation

[00:14:17] Of a writer named John Bloom

[00:14:19] Who I have met a few times over the years

[00:14:21] He went to Vanderbilt he was a Grantland Rice

[00:14:23] Scholar he was a sports writer

[00:14:25] Wound up going to Dallas

[00:14:27] Created this persona of Joe Bob Briggs

[00:14:29] Who was the guy who reviewed drive-in movies

[00:14:31] And would review like kung fu movies

[00:14:33] And like crappy horror movies

[00:14:35] And that kind of thing and he's now kind of

[00:14:37] He's now kind of like the white dude

[00:14:39] Elvira like in that he will

[00:14:41] Sort of host dumb weird

[00:14:43] You know like grindhouse

[00:14:45] Movies on Shudder and various places

[00:14:47] And uh so yeah

[00:14:49] They don't introduce him if you don't know who he is

[00:14:51] I thought that the creators of this movie

[00:14:53] Made up Joe Bob Briggs

[00:14:55] No no no

[00:14:57] Just super duper high

[00:14:59] I'm so confused by this

[00:15:01] Joe Bob Briggs introduces

[00:15:03] Werewolf Santa I had no idea what was going on

[00:15:05] Yeah he's been around for decades

[00:15:07] And John Bloom has been

[00:15:09] Very kind to me over the years

[00:15:11] Like you know early on he took me out to lunch

[00:15:13] To talk about like how journalism works

[00:15:15] And my first year doing the film festival

[00:15:17] In Dallas Joe Bob came and like

[00:15:19] Hosted our midnight movie series

[00:15:21] So like it was nice to see him

[00:15:23] You know because I have warm feelings

[00:15:25] Toward him not that the movie explains him

[00:15:27] But I have a lot of people who don't already know who he is

[00:15:29] And then that part ends

[00:15:31] And then we're stuck with the movie

[00:15:33] And there were no more feels

[00:15:35] Do you know like why he would have said yes

[00:15:37] To that

[00:15:39] Uh yeah I don't know if they

[00:15:41] If I don't know

[00:15:43] I think probably he had like a contractual

[00:15:45] Number of movies he had to introduce

[00:15:47] And they just like okay we can get this one

[00:15:49] This gives me a thousand

[00:15:51] Kind of

[00:15:53] It ain't Casablanca but it can't be Nick either

[00:15:55] It's technically a movie

[00:15:57] Uh yeah I don't know

[00:15:59] I just talked to Bob Briggs as Texan because he's in Texas

[00:16:01] That's all I know

[00:16:03] Yeah no no that is totally Texan is how the character works

[00:16:05] And like it's funny

[00:16:07] I did an interview with him once before I met him

[00:16:09] And they asked me

[00:16:11] Now do you want to talk to John or to Joe Bob

[00:16:13] Because apparently he doesn't like to switch

[00:16:15] In the middle

[00:16:17] So I was like

[00:16:19] I'll talk to John and that'll be fine

[00:16:21] It's like do you want to talk to Bran or do you want to talk to Junebug

[00:16:23] Because that's a whole other thing

[00:16:25] Right and I get that

[00:16:27] Are there such Joe Bob fans

[00:16:29] That would watch this movie just for Joe Bob

[00:16:33] Presumably yeah

[00:16:35] Like I said he is

[00:16:37] He has like a sort of branded line

[00:16:39] Of things that he hosts on like Shudder

[00:16:41] Or wherever

[00:16:43] So I mean obviously

[00:16:45] If there's more like this

[00:16:47] Then maybe they're going to get a little pickier

[00:16:49] About which ones they invest in

[00:16:51] But yeah he is

[00:16:53] A brand in this world

[00:16:55] Sure give me Alonzos

[00:16:57] Yeah I'll take Alonzos as well

[00:16:59] Cheers everybody

[00:17:01] To Joe Bob Briggs

[00:17:03] Being a real person

[00:17:05] Or at least a character made up by a real person

[00:17:07] That's right shout out to Joe Bob

[00:17:09] If you want to introduce our show every week

[00:17:11] Let us know

[00:17:13] We'll be back in just a second

[00:17:15] With the way we went and the Hallmark here on

[00:17:17] Take the Hallmark

[00:17:26] Welcome back everybody

[00:17:28] We're talking about Werewolf Santa

[00:17:30] This movie is air tight

[00:17:32] Best part about this movie is the poster

[00:17:34] Which looks nothing like the movie

[00:17:36] At all

[00:17:38] And can you blame them

[00:17:40] Let's get to the weight watch

[00:17:42] Alonzo anything in this movie make you go weight watch

[00:17:44] Oh golly let's see

[00:17:46] Well first of all

[00:17:48] Just as a larger sort of observation

[00:17:50] There is this interesting like

[00:17:52] Christmas horror kind of overlap

[00:17:54] You know Ron Oliver comes from the world of horror

[00:17:56] Winds up doing Christmas

[00:17:58] You know Tibor Takács

[00:18:00] Has done a lot of Hallmark movies

[00:18:02] But he made that movie The Gate

[00:18:04] You know Michael Varady

[00:18:06] There's a lot of people who

[00:18:08] Straddle those two genres

[00:18:10] And they have a lot in common in terms of like

[00:18:12] You know you have to deliver what the audience wants

[00:18:14] And you have to do it on a budget

[00:18:16] And so I can see how those things go

[00:18:18] Hand in hand

[00:18:20] And there are certainly great Christmas themed

[00:18:22] Horror movies over the years

[00:18:24] Your gremlins your black Christmases what not

[00:18:26] But this thing

[00:18:30] Is neither

[00:18:32] It's not scary

[00:18:34] It's barely a Christmas movie

[00:18:36] And it's just

[00:18:38] Like I said is it even a movie

[00:18:40] I don't even know

[00:18:42] You've got some very strong sister

[00:18:44] Action happening between the

[00:18:46] Sensible mother and daughter in this movie

[00:18:48] Oh my gosh yeah

[00:18:50] In terms of like their relative years of birth

[00:18:52] They do not seem like they are of different generations

[00:18:54] That's just a weird

[00:18:56] Weird choice

[00:18:58] I wrote down school play makeup

[00:19:00] Like

[00:19:02] The level of makeup in this movie

[00:19:04] Is like literally you know

[00:19:06] Okay you're going to play the grandfather

[00:19:08] Draw some lines on your face and throw some

[00:19:10] Talcum powder in your hair

[00:19:12] The aforementioned snow machine

[00:19:14] I mean that is a dish washing liquid

[00:19:16] Commercial what we get

[00:19:18] Chunks of like

[00:19:20] Scrubbing bubbles here it's not even

[00:19:22] Remotely trying to wing it and again

[00:19:24] Was there a second take on anything

[00:19:26] Apparently not I guess somehow that was going to

[00:19:28] Violate the whole found footage thing

[00:19:30] And then as though

[00:19:32] This movie weren't generally

[00:19:34] Cruddy looking enough

[00:19:36] You get these intertitles

[00:19:38] That look

[00:19:40] Like the

[00:19:42] Thing the one that comes

[00:19:44] Free with your computer where if you

[00:19:46] Don't buy any other typefaces

[00:19:48] Yeah

[00:19:50] It's just this is

[00:19:52] If there if this movie is consistent

[00:19:54] Anyway it is it is in its

[00:19:56] Shoddiness

[00:19:58] Put that on the DVD

[00:20:00] Box that's right

[00:20:02] So there

[00:20:04] Towards the beginning of this movie they're driving down the

[00:20:06] Road and they're listening to

[00:20:08] Christmas music and

[00:20:10] If you listen closely enough

[00:20:12] It sounds like

[00:20:14] They are are playing

[00:20:16] Jingle bells by Bing Crosby and the Andrew

[00:20:18] Sisters and

[00:20:20] I don't believe they got the proper rights

[00:20:22] To that song

[00:20:24] I'm going to go out on a limb

[00:20:26] And say that this is a

[00:20:28] Asked forgiveness

[00:20:30] And not permission situation

[00:20:32] With the Bing Crosby

[00:20:34] Estate all sitting around storyboarding

[00:20:36] This is yeah she's being an asked

[00:20:38] Forgiveness yeah yeah let's do it

[00:20:40] Let's do it when they first

[00:20:42] See the the person

[00:20:44] Come out of the woods and fall down they go and look

[00:20:46] At him and

[00:20:48] She says

[00:20:50] That that this person

[00:20:52] Has so much blood but

[00:20:54] Not in a convincing way

[00:20:56] She says it like so much

[00:20:58] Blood is

[00:21:00] Do you see that much blood all the time because

[00:21:02] You seem very not

[00:21:04] Even remotely shaken

[00:21:06] By the amount of blood that you are

[00:21:08] Seeing there's so much there's so much blood

[00:21:10] There yay for me

[00:21:12] I love it when it happens

[00:21:14] Santa

[00:21:16] Yay for me

[00:21:18] Yay buddy

[00:21:20] Santa

[00:21:22] Let's talk about Santa really quick

[00:21:24] Santa

[00:21:26] His sleigh is

[00:21:28] Cardboard it's cardboard and I'm not

[00:21:30] I'm not

[00:21:32] Saying it's like cardboard

[00:21:34] No no this sleigh

[00:21:36] This sleigh is literally made out of

[00:21:38] Cardboard so that's

[00:21:40] Fun I and

[00:21:42] The

[00:21:44] The guts the intestines

[00:21:46] Were just like oh

[00:21:48] Really weird like you

[00:21:50] Mentioned while we were watching it that you

[00:21:52] Go ahead you say it

[00:21:54] Well I got you go ahead because that was my last one

[00:21:56] First of all this movie

[00:21:58] Has one set of fake intestines

[00:22:00] And they are using the heck out of it

[00:22:02] That's first of all

[00:22:04] Giving a church Halloween haunted house

[00:22:06] I cannot tell you yeah

[00:22:08] Judgement house yeah say it right Alonzo

[00:22:10] Judgement house this is the scene

[00:22:12] I grew up

[00:22:14] Papist so you know we had a

[00:22:16] Legit haunted house we didn't have to

[00:22:18] Do the hell house thing

[00:22:20] Hate that for you actually

[00:22:22] It was probably better

[00:22:24] I'm not saying all intestines look alike or don't

[00:22:26] I'm not saying that I'm just saying

[00:22:28] They have one set of intestines

[00:22:30] And everyone who's dead

[00:22:32] Has it on top of them and there is

[00:22:34] One character who has his intestines

[00:22:36] On top of him and he's still wearing

[00:22:38] A t-shirt on underneath

[00:22:40] So you can see

[00:22:42] That the shirt

[00:22:44] Is still on under

[00:22:46] His intestines

[00:22:48] And at the wrap party they grilled those

[00:22:50] Intestines and served them with a nice

[00:22:52] Mash of course

[00:22:54] Listen I don't

[00:22:56] If you got kids once again maybe not

[00:22:58] The episode for you don't watch the movie

[00:23:00] Maybe we're too late for that

[00:23:02] A few plays out here for the children

[00:23:04] Why is everyone

[00:23:06] Having sex on this car

[00:23:08] I like I said orgy

[00:23:10] It's not like there's one couple having

[00:23:12] Sex on the roof of the car

[00:23:14] And there's one couple having sex

[00:23:16] On the trunk of the car

[00:23:18] We don't know if they know each other

[00:23:20] We don't know the backstory here

[00:23:22] We don't know

[00:23:24] They may have seen them on the roof and go that looks fun

[00:23:26] We just know that two couples

[00:23:28] Both decided in a

[00:23:30] Sea of forests

[00:23:32] They're going to both have sex

[00:23:34] On top of the same car

[00:23:36] Alright let me try and work

[00:23:38] Out what the movie contextualizes

[00:23:40] This as so the dad is like the

[00:23:42] Local constable or policeman

[00:23:44] Or whatever and he talks about

[00:23:46] People are dogging in the woods

[00:23:48] And everyone's like well what is that

[00:23:50] And apparently it's like

[00:23:52] They get some pleasure out

[00:23:54] Of public

[00:23:56] Coupling

[00:23:58] In this forest

[00:24:00] On a car

[00:24:02] And like that's the joke

[00:24:04] That's the sticking point for me no pun

[00:24:06] Intended the car is the problem

[00:24:08] It is public okay

[00:24:10] You get some sort of like Christmas Eve public sex

[00:24:12] Alright get it I get it I understand

[00:24:16] But they both have to be next to each other

[00:24:18] On a car that was the part

[00:24:20] That I was like listen man whatever

[00:24:22] Works for you but

[00:24:24] December in England but that's a whole

[00:24:26] Other thing here is it snowing

[00:24:28] Or is it not snowing

[00:24:30] The hoods and trunks of cars are notoriously

[00:24:32] Like comfortable

[00:24:34] It is a move

[00:24:36] And erotic yes that's right

[00:24:38] Maybe let's move it into the car

[00:24:40] For tonight since it's snowing

[00:24:42] Let's move it in it's a new way to look

[00:24:44] At the phrase hands on a hard body

[00:24:46] Is what it is

[00:24:48] I had a new appreciation

[00:24:50] For Cronenberg's crash I'll say that much

[00:24:52] Of course yes yes

[00:24:54] The academy award best picture winner

[00:24:56] I know I know it's just a joke

[00:24:58] So yeah

[00:25:00] That's going on they're using the heck

[00:25:02] Out of a suds machine I've never

[00:25:04] Seen they're not even trying

[00:25:06] I know we've said it they're not even trying

[00:25:08] There are just soap suds

[00:25:10] Everywhere why

[00:25:12] There is a wide shot where

[00:25:14] You see

[00:25:16] The rest of the area

[00:25:18] And then the one spot

[00:25:20] Where snow is falling

[00:25:22] And so it's like there's no snow

[00:25:24] In 75% of the frame

[00:25:26] And it's landing on people in clumps

[00:25:28] Like in their hair

[00:25:30] I also saw somebody in the chat say

[00:25:32] Car hoods are warm when you shut them off

[00:25:34] You're right they're on the roof of the car

[00:25:36] Yeah

[00:25:38] They're not on the hood of the car they're on the roof

[00:25:40] Yeah yeah

[00:25:42] It's an abandoned car

[00:25:44] So super duper

[00:25:46] Yeah but you heathens

[00:25:48] In the chat you keep defending

[00:25:50] The car sex folks

[00:25:52] What a move there

[00:25:54] Hey if you're going to have sex in a car

[00:25:56] That's where you at

[00:25:58] Let's hear them out guys

[00:26:00] If the car still worked they'd have sex in the car

[00:26:02] Where there's climate control

[00:26:04] It's an abandoned car

[00:26:06] And radio

[00:26:08] I do have one way

[00:26:10] What that involves the actual plot of this movie

[00:26:12] The dad in this movie

[00:26:14] Tells his daughter

[00:26:16] The instructions of how

[00:26:18] To fire a gun

[00:26:20] In three different scenes

[00:26:22] Now we've already said this

[00:26:24] This movie is 72 minutes

[00:26:26] Maybe with credits

[00:26:28] For over

[00:26:30] The night before Christmas is a long

[00:26:32] Freaking book they read the whole thing

[00:26:34] They don't read the parts that you hear

[00:26:36] In like the Santa Claus

[00:26:38] Where then Tim Allen's like

[00:26:40] They don't do that they read the whole thing

[00:26:42] So take five minutes off the top

[00:26:44] Right there

[00:26:46] In the rest of the run time of this film

[00:26:48] There are three scenes where the dad's like

[00:26:50] Don't forget about

[00:26:52] The safety and then you load

[00:26:54] It is a gun

[00:26:56] It is not

[00:26:58] You know calculus based

[00:27:00] Physics like this guy is explaining

[00:27:02] To a grown woman

[00:27:04] How to just fire a gun

[00:27:06] In three different scenes

[00:27:08] And I just did they not

[00:27:10] Have anything else to say

[00:27:12] It is beyond me how that happened

[00:27:14] So those are my wait ones

[00:27:16] It's time for where

[00:27:18] Where wolf I don't know

[00:27:20] It's for where we

[00:27:22] Shudderly tomorrows

[00:27:24] We've all got good ideas here

[00:27:26] But it's what the hallmarks

[00:27:28] Shudder said no to this

[00:27:30] Like it's not even on Shudder

[00:27:32] Yeah

[00:27:34] It's where we wonder what could have been

[00:27:36] Any clarity to the questions that we have

[00:27:38] Alonzo what are you still wondering about

[00:27:42] I just have to say as I'm watching

[00:27:44] This you know

[00:27:46] College dropout

[00:27:48] Failed YouTube host

[00:27:50] Her nerdy childhood

[00:27:52] Best friend and her bickering parents

[00:27:54] Making their way through the woods

[00:27:56] All I could think was

[00:27:58] Can we take a moment to appreciate how great

[00:28:00] Shaun of the dead is

[00:28:02] Oh my gosh it's so great

[00:28:04] It's so great

[00:28:06] Shaun of the dead great movie

[00:28:08] One of my all time favorites

[00:28:10] Yeah this movie cannot

[00:28:12] Get anywhere close

[00:28:14] But it's trying

[00:28:16] And I was immediately

[00:28:18] Thought about what would I

[00:28:20] Rather be watching this movie

[00:28:22] Kind of reminding me of oh yeah Shaun of the dead

[00:28:24] You know what their Christmas Eve

[00:28:26] Car sex orgy

[00:28:28] It's so classy

[00:28:30] Germane to the plot

[00:28:32] Classy

[00:28:34] When they are playing

[00:28:36] Queen in the bar

[00:28:38] And they're hitting in rhythm

[00:28:40] Oh my goodness

[00:28:42] Just an all timer

[00:28:44] Sorry go ahead

[00:28:46] You've seen Shaun of the dead of course

[00:28:48] I have really

[00:28:50] But I was also

[00:28:52] Like a freshman

[00:28:54] So I didn't appreciate it

[00:28:56] As much as maybe I should have

[00:29:00] So

[00:29:02] This woman in this movie

[00:29:04] Is a YouTuber

[00:29:06] And

[00:29:08] You gotta do a lot of work

[00:29:10] To figure that out

[00:29:12] Because for some reason

[00:29:14] In the version that we watched

[00:29:16] They do the thing

[00:29:18] So they do the thing where she's talking

[00:29:20] And then if you've ever watched a YouTube video

[00:29:22] Lots of times it will pop up and be like subscribe

[00:29:24] And it will have the little YouTube logo

[00:29:26] And the subscribe button and the thing

[00:29:28] For some reason

[00:29:30] It's blurred out

[00:29:32] When you watch this on demand

[00:29:34] And so

[00:29:36] What that means

[00:29:38] I'm assuming is that they didn't

[00:29:40] Like there's something about that

[00:29:42] Pop up

[00:29:44] That they didn't have the rights to

[00:29:46] That's why most people put it

[00:29:48] Like instead of YouTube it would be like

[00:29:50] CTV or something

[00:29:52] So they didn't do that

[00:29:54] Being in the Andrews sister sure but they're not gonna mess with Google

[00:29:56] You don't mess with Google

[00:29:58] My bigger takeaway here

[00:30:00] Is the fact that they had

[00:30:02] To blur it

[00:30:04] Which shows me

[00:30:06] That somebody lost

[00:30:08] The file

[00:30:10] To be able to edit the movie

[00:30:12] Where they could just take it out

[00:30:14] So what they did

[00:30:16] Is they put the finished

[00:30:18] Product back in

[00:30:20] Editing software

[00:30:22] And just said blur it out

[00:30:26] That's my

[00:30:28] I'm making some assumptions here

[00:30:30] Maybe giving them more credit than they deserve

[00:30:32] Based on what I know

[00:30:34] That would be the only explanation

[00:30:36] I could think of why it happened

[00:30:38] But I would love to know the real story

[00:30:40] Behind why this is

[00:30:42] Blurred out when you watch it

[00:30:44] Anywhere. Dano?

[00:30:46] Yeah I also think somewhere along the way in this

[00:30:48] 65 minute masterpiece

[00:30:50] The filmmakers

[00:30:52] Conflated werewolves and zombies

[00:30:56] Because in the movie

[00:30:58] If you get bitten by a werewolf

[00:31:00] You become a werewolf

[00:31:02] Which I guess

[00:31:04] But do you?

[00:31:06] But then the person that was bitten

[00:31:08] Goes back to being normal

[00:31:12] No there's a whole complicated thing

[00:31:14] About who the alpha is

[00:31:16] Basically

[00:31:18] So is that why Santa

[00:31:20] Can go back to normal

[00:31:22] Yes because they kill the alpha

[00:31:24] Who turns out to be the dad

[00:31:26] Which means that the dad is training the daughter

[00:31:28] To kill him because he knows

[00:31:30] That the only way to fix this

[00:31:32] Is to have him be killed

[00:31:34] How did he become the alpha?

[00:31:36] It's explained somewhere in there but it all went by very quickly

[00:31:38] Man I'm learning stuff new everyday

[00:31:40] I mean I just

[00:31:42] Yeah

[00:31:44] That's all I got

[00:31:46] No I think

[00:31:48] You've got a pretty good handle on it

[00:31:50] But still the idea of getting bit by a werewolf

[00:31:52] Makes you become a werewolf

[00:31:54] Is that part of like werewolf lore?

[00:31:56] Well usually what happens

[00:31:58] Is if you get bit by a werewolf

[00:32:00] Then the next time there's a full moon

[00:32:02] You become a werewolf

[00:32:04] Yeah the full moon thing

[00:32:06] Exactly this is like a walking dead situation

[00:32:08] Where you get bit

[00:32:10] It's just infectious

[00:32:12] But then you can still revert back

[00:32:14] As long as you weren't the alpha

[00:32:16] Or if the alpha gets killed

[00:32:18] Now guys

[00:32:20] Next week

[00:32:22] Are you okay?

[00:32:24] I was hoping it was going to get better

[00:32:26] But I'm not sure

[00:32:28] You look a little distressed

[00:32:30] Next week we're watching a movie called

[00:32:32] Santa's Second Wife

[00:32:36] Now Santa's second wife

[00:32:38] Was created by Movie Central

[00:32:42] The only way to watch it

[00:32:44] Is on Movie Central's YouTube page

[00:32:46] They have lots of movies

[00:32:48] They have lots of movies

[00:32:50] It's called Santa's Second Wife

[00:32:52] It's on YouTube

[00:32:54] You can watch it

[00:32:56] Let's go see Santa's Second Wife

[00:32:58] You had to do that title though right?

[00:33:00] Santa's Second Wife

[00:33:02] We might get another car scene

[00:33:04] One of these days I'm going to be

[00:33:06] Angry enough to just pick all the movies

[00:33:08] We're almost done

[00:33:10] We're almost to July and then we'll start

[00:33:12] Having fun

[00:33:14] We're almost done

[00:33:16] We'll be back next week with that

[00:33:18] We'll be back tomorrow with another one

[00:33:20] First to wish you a Merry Christmas

[00:33:22] Deck the Hallmarks

[00:33:24] A Bramble Jam Podcast is produced by Aaron Shea

[00:33:26] For more information on Deck the Hallmark

[00:33:28] You can go to deckthehallmark.com

[00:33:30] For more information on the Deck the Hallmark family

[00:33:32] You can go to bramblejamplus.com

[00:33:34] Deck the Hallmark is presented by Philo TV

[00:33:36] For a free trial of Philo

[00:33:38] Go to philo.tv slash DTH

[00:33:40] You're about to hear

[00:33:46] Some ads that help keep the lights on

[00:33:48] Here in the old studio

[00:33:50] Thanks for listening

[00:33:52] Or don't listen

[00:33:54] It's really up to you at this point

[00:33:56] It's at the end of the show

[00:33:58] You're listening to me, hi

[00:34:00] But here they come

[00:34:02] Here they are

[00:34:04] Happy day